The heart of why…

*** Amendment 01/02/03 ****

This post is not about anyone who actualy reads my blog, it is about a friend who does not attend a school anywhere in the Seattle Metro area. I was actually offended and hurt that people would jump to the conclusion that I would write so blatently about someone as if I had no back ground information, no thought as to how someone would feel, and no wisdom from God. I have never used names in my Blog, and I never will, but this particular post was made very vauge because the details are not for me to announce, and I do have to say (now) that it did resemble a very different situation, but it was a coincidence.

Well here I sit in my bed. Today we take off for the CRU winter conference, I am so excited but in a mess of frustration, a really awesome friend of mine is being waylaid (in my opinion and experience) by Satan, and may not be able to go. This conference last year changed my life, and I know everyone always hears of things like this, but this truly did happen, all the seminars in the world couldn’t add up to the importance of this conference last year. This isn’t just a “retreat” in fact I am trying to steer away from calling it that; it is a conference of God. 1000 College students from the Pacific Northwest gathering to worship and learn and discuss God! How awesome could that be? If I knew a better word for awesome I would use it! Well I?m almost ready to get ready for the day, have a great time; I?ll be back on the 1st! Great times will be! Thank you Lord!

Talk about DREAMS!

UW – Dorms, Weird Smoke, blocking all the air, people dieing… emergency radio alert…etc.etc.

Okay so a few days ago I had this dream.

I was in “my” dorm room at the University of Washington (I?ve always wanted to go there, but never have, I?m stuck in community college), talking to who was apparently my roommate, then all of a sudden we were down in a large grassy field (much like the fields of the “shire” in the Lord of The Rings) playing football (I hardly ever play football) with a bunch of guys and friends (some of which I currently know, but at this point I don’t remember who they were now). The buildings were not actual UW dorm halls, and I have no idea where on campus we were since there seemed to be just acres and acres of grass fields and trees. I remember it was like a mid-spring day, it was gorgeous, the sun was out and it was a comfortable temperature.

Then all of a sudden a city-wide alarm went off, and that emergency alert system alarm was going off on the radios, and we all looked up and saw smoke rising up from the downtown area of Seattle. It was suddenly a very scary looking sun-set type of sky, it was a horrible sight, and it was freaking everyone out, I remember running up the stairs of my “dorm” building and going into my room, turning on the TV. Then all of a sudden everyone started to duck tape the windows and doors, I started to also. Then I noticed everyone dropping dead around me. Then I turned to watch the TV in horror as the local news channel disappeared and went to snow. Then I woke up. The end… grrr what a confusing dream!

So today was Jesus’ birthday! Yay! My Mom’s family is pretty good. No one gets drunk, there is no arguing mostly people just are happy… But they surely don’t celebrate CHRISTmas for the Christ part of it… now they may think they do in “spirit” but they do not truly understand his love (except for my grandparents, and my mom to a point). I love them all though, and I just wish I could actually talk to them about Christ, I just wish I would always be able to bring up Christ, in such a way that they would question everything, that they would want to fill that hole w/ love from God! I so badly want this more than anything else in the world! I just want to be able to radiate Christ’s love in everything I do, and in everything I say! I am so FRUSTRATED!!!! I only want to love people like he did, and have people see that!! I have such a confidence problem, such a problem with being touched, LORD I PRAY THAT THIS BE REMOVED!!! Okay… ahhh, I?m so mad at myself.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Oh God! All I ask is for you to remove the “touch” issues, remove the “confidence” issues, remove Satan from my life, and remove these sin traps from my life!! I only want to live for you! ONLY! I also ask for you to bring people into the lives of my co-workers, my family and my friends to bring them closer to you and for them to know your love!

Witnessing… [2 Timothy 1:5-8]

5 I know that you sincerely trust the Lord, for you have the faith of your mother, Eunice, and your grandmother, Lois. 6 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 8 So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, either, even though I’m in prison for Christ. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the proclamation of the Good News.

** Please read the post below this first **

So I decided to take the “Why are you still single?” test on emode.com and this is what it said…

Travis, you’re single because you don’t want to settle…

You, more than others, have a fairy tale fantasy of how things should be. Ever since you were a kid, you’ve probably dreamed of the perfect wedding, coming home to a white picket fence, dog, and 2.2 kids (how does that work, anyway?). When someone asks what you’re looking for, you don’t skip a beat: You’re likely to have a handy checklist that details your perfect partner. Hair and eye color, height, religion, education, career, interests, the list goes on.

While it’s great to have standards ? Hey, you shouldn’t have to settle, after all ? there’s one slight glitch in your master plan: No one has made the grade in real life ? at least not yet. Next time you’re out with someone, keep yourself from mentally checking that list, and give love ? and others ? a chance. That special someone who you’ve written off may be perfect for you after all…

So for the most part this is true. There are a few things I will not deny though, who ever I date/marry/even to be slightly intrested, must Love Jesus! I truly believe that someone is out there to meet the grade, God will bring her. But it’s not as strict as it seems, basically here they are:

1. Must love Jesus with all her heart, mind and soul.

2. Must love others as Jesus does with her heart, mind and soul.

3. Must love worshiping God in song and action.

4. Must like music of all kinds.

5. Has to be called to a “compatible” life, IE. I’m being called to evangelism in Seattle, she must be called to something which doesn’t conflict.

6. I of course have to be attracted to her (the “types” very a lot, so don’t worry, it’s not an abercrombie girl) and be around my height or shorter.

7. God approves.

Looking into your eyes I see the rest of me.

You complete me in every way I need.

Because of you I continue to grow.

Your touch is amazing.

And you complete me.

You fill me up.

You strengthen me.

All of you is what I need.

When your down,

I’ll be there.

I’ll look into your eyes,

to comfort you.

Jesus is real.

He is our center.

I love you for him.

Keep it real.

And you complete me.

You fill me up.

You strengthen me.

All of you is what I need.

You are everything this world can offer.

Everything else can not come close.

Thank God for you.

What else would I do.

Thank you God.

Thank you God.

Thank you.

Tired, Just, Need.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of petty people issues.

I’m tired of “nitpicking”.

Just do it.

Just go and tell the person.

Just have confidence.

I need to speak up.

I need someone to be acountable.

I need to listen to God even more than ever.

I have one prayer. I have friends, they need to feel God’s true love, they know God, but they don’t see him in everything. They need to see him; they also need to guard their hearts, not only from the opposite sex, but from the things which hurt. They need to realize that God has taken away those things, they those things can not hurt them again, and they only continue to hurt because they have held onto those things in some way. I also have this same problem, I continue to hold onto these things that hurt, because it is all I know, I did not know the truth, I still continue to turn to those things rather than God. This is why we must always seek to know God and his truth. I ask all of these things in Jesus’ name. Thank you Lord, thank you Friends, thank you to all who pray these things and who also struggle with them. God is good all the time; I want to always seek him, which is my ultimate goal.

Knowing your love.

I know your love when I’m looking into the eyes of a child. I know your love when I?m looking up at the cosmos. I know your love when I can be content with my life. Your love is the warmth that I feel. Your love is love that can not be broken. Love from you is never ending, never inconsistent and never conditional. Love from you is amazing. Knowing your love is what keeps me sane. Knowing your love helps me with all that I do. Knowing your love is what I love. I hear your love in the voices of people, broken, happy, sad, ill, void of hope, I hear your love if it?s there or not there I hear your love. I see your love in all of your creation, your people, your trees, your grass, your rain, your snow, your everything. With out your love, I don?t know what I would do, I don?t know how I survived before your love. Only with you can I move on now. Only you are love. For me, your love is felt most through worshiping you with my spirit, soul, voice, mind, actions, and emotions.

Dear Jesus,

What was it like to be here on earth? What did you really look like? When are you coming back? Why will/do some people refuse to believe of you? I want to know you more! What will it be like to be with you forever? I want everyone to know you even more than I do! Lord, how can I help? Why do we have to do the job? I know that all of these questions can be found in faith and knowledge in your word, but i’m lazy I want to know now! But I will wait, for I understand that paitiance is important. You have given me so much! Why? To worship you is to have the smallest hint of what heaven will be, I want to worship you by my actions, what I say, what produce, in my relationships, I want to not only worship you in song, but in everything else! I want to worship you with my entire life! Only then, will I continue to constantly enjoy you, otherwise the instant I forget my main goal, which is to live for you, and to love others as you do, the world as you designed it will eat me alive. But I have this one last hope, you will never leave me, I can leave you, but you won’t leave me and I believe since I truly believe and follow you with all my heart I can not leave you, why!?!? That would be just stupid.

In your awesome name,

Travis

Dear God,

You are amazing. You fill me up with joy which is unimaginable. Your love overflows my soul. I?ve been afraid of changing, but I slowly understand why it is necessary. I am getting older, wiser, and I have more questions than ever before. Thank you Jesus for this amazing life you have given me. Thank you Jesus for my friends. Thank you Jesus for my family. Thank you Jesus for everything. I have been deeply touched by the friends you have given me, I love them so much. Thank you.

I love you.

Love,

Travis