I am so tired today; I actually turned down going to a show tonight. I am excited to just stay at home, or go to a friend’s house and just screw around! I think I might build a city, or raise a family or do something along those lines. Oh, yeah, sleep too. Maybe I should write my letter of leave request for work, maybe I should work on my final persuasive speech, and maybe I should do a lot of things. Fridays are the end of the week, therefore the end of my energy. Sorry boys and girls, this soldier is retiring for the day, or maybe two. Have a blessed weekend, and remember, your call is to honor God in all you do, that is his will for you.

PS!!!! I JUST GOT REALLY EXCITING NEWS!

One of the guys on our student senate at school, who dresses as a girl everyday, and is very open to his sexual orientation, accepted Christ! Now I just pray for God’s Holy Spirit to prompt him into wanting to live a life which honors God. I pray that the other Christians on campus show God’s love to him (and of course to everyone), I pray that me and others who have been praying for him, will have the courage to step and begin the discipleship process, and truly show him what it means to be Christian. There is a lot of work to be done. Oh God remove the enemy from Cascadia, your power alone is all we serve. Thank you Lord.

I need a serious accountability partner, one who is going to basically chew me up and down. One who can push me to be better, one who can physically get me moving, and keep me in line. This all stems from my lack of motivation and discipline, of which I basically have none. I become motivated only when it starts to mess with my everyday lifestyle. As for disciplined, I’m only disciplined when I have someone else to do go along with, either it be exercising, studying the bible, or simply getting up for work on time. These are some major areas I would like to improve upon, and I can’t do it alone, I’ve tried and I’m failing miserably… I need help, now.

-= prayer =-

Lord Jesus,

Remove Satan’s influence from my life, remove all evil from my friend’s lives, let your power reign over all of us, and with your power have the evil flee from this world, and your light shine. God you are awesome, you are glorious, you are the powerful one, and you are the king. Holy Spirit be an even stronger voice in my life, and in the lives of all of the people I meet and talk to. Lord, I ask for you to provide me with an accountability partner who will strongly keep me following you, and I ask for you to help me provide him that same straight path. Holy Spirit fan the flames with in my soul, take control, burn fire burn. I ask for forgiveness from the sins I have committed directly against you, and I thank you for your forgiveness, and I ask for you to continue changing me, refine me in your fire. I have a lot of work to do for Poland, Lord I ask for monetary support, and I ask that you help me over come the anxiety of leaving my friends and all I know here at home. God, I love you, fill me up, protect me and all around me, all I want to do is glorify you, help me be a reflection of your love and light and freedom you bring to my life. Thank you Lord.

In Jesus’ name,

So be it.

Here are some random thoughts I’ve been thinking about lately.

1) I’m tired of these people telling me to find the will of God, all children of God know God’s will, he says it himself (well God uses Paul to say it):

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to everyone else.

Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies, but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Keep away from every kind of evil.

[1 Thessalonians 5:15-22].

You see, God’s will is nothing more than honoring him with all we do. What ever we do, as long as we are honoring him, it is in his will. But don’t take me wrong, God most definitely prompts us by opening doors and shutting them. It is great stuff, but don’t worry, as long as you are honoring God, by loving, and hold onto what is good, then you are in God’s will.

2) Everything you do, say, don’t say affects those around you. Be careful, we as Christians are asked to be uplifting, not to tear down. Sometimes a brother or sister may need a reminder if he/she has done something which didn’t honor God. But we must remember to do these things in love and not out anger because he/she makes Christianity look bad, but because it dishonor’s god, not the institution.

3) We are all a part of the Church, the Church of Jesus Christ (no latter day saints here). We all worship the same Godhead, the same Holy Spirit works in our lives as it did in the Bible, the same Jesus will return in just as a dramatic way as he rose from the dead, the same God will lead us and love us through our lives. I am so blessed to have friends from many different “denominations”, the great part is we all worship in our own styles, we have doctrinal differences, and we have different things close to our hearts. But one thing makes us all brothers and sisters, the blood of Christ, which set us free of the crap in this world. We just have to follow him with all our hearts, and love people as Jesus loves. We are spiritual beings, which is what makes us who we are.

Okay people, I screwed up on Saturday… so now I’m at day 2 again. Sad times, but I’m not as upset with myself as I thought I would be, I’m disappointed, but not mad, I realize that I’m moving forward. If there are any men out there dealing with this I suggest going to http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com it?s a great site with all kinds of resources. I’ve also heard good things about “Every young man’s struggle” or “Every man’s struggle“, a couple of books dealing with sexual lust and sin. Another site I just found while searching for these resources is http://www.pureintimacy.org/, looks good, done by focus on the family.

So, I’m really tired right now, and all I really want to do is veg out so that’s what I’m going to do. TTFN.

[2 Timothy 2:21-22]

If you keep yourself pure, you will be a utensil God can use for his purpose. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

So, I have this problem with taking compliments sometimes… I realize I’m a little rude sometimes, I don’t say thanks, and I either laugh at the person, or respond with some kind of humor. What’s the deal with that? I’m still stuck with this image of my self in seventh grade, acne covered face, hair parted down the middle, almost the shortest person on campus, and kind of a loner (my two best friends at that time had decided to not be my friends at the start of the year). I know I’m nothing like that person anymore, I have confidence, and I can actually communicate with the opposite gender now, not to mention my own gender.

So, why can I not accept a compliment on my physical appearance? I know why I have a hard time letting people serve me, because I know I’m capable of doing whatever they are trying to help me with, or I know I can afford what ever their trying to pay for, I should just be grateful for these things, but instead I feel like I’m using them or something. But when it comes to my physical appearance, I usually don’t believe them, I think they are just trying to be nice, because that’s how it was in Junior High… oh wait, oh yeah I’m not in Junior High anymore… Duh… people are honest now… uh huh, right. I know that the majority of my friends really are honest, and would tell me if something looked bad on me, or would comment if I did my hair weird, since I’m always asking, I would hope they would actually care to let me know if it looked really bad, it wouldn’t make me mad or sad, I would be glad. I guess I’ve just let the vain cosmopolitan world leak in… I don’t obsess over it though, I really don’t, I’ll go to work or school knowing I look dead, but I don?t care. But if someone compliments me, then that’s another story I care all of a sudden, is this real? So, I don’t know, I need to realize that it is real. I like to look nice, I like to feel clean, and I like to be noticed, who doesn’t? I just need to try and not make that something I worry about, for the most part I don’t, but every once and while I do, and its not a good thing.

Paul’s Thanks for Their Gifts [Philippians 4:10-20]

How grateful I am, and how I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but for a while you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. But even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.

As you know, you Philippians were the only ones who gave me financial help when I brought you the Good News and then traveled on from Macedonia. No other church did this. Even when I was in Thessalonica you sent help more than once. I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. What I want is for you to receive a well-earned reward because of your kindness.

At the moment I have all I need–more than I need! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus. They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable to God and pleases him. And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Now glory be to God our Father forever and ever. Amen.

Last night I was with an awesome group of friends worshipping, talking, praying, having fun. In the middle of worship I realized something is happening, I’m hitting some kind of plateau, and I’m not really satisfied with it. I don’t want to stop growing, yet I find myself not moving forward, and not really doing much about it. I’m getting really tired of being in this holding pattern; I have no patience for just sitting still and waiting; yet another sign of God teaching me to be patient.

I guess I should relate my life to a video game, when I’m playing any kind of video game (which I’m not a big video game player, but I do play at times) I like to look around, find all the secrets, get the most out of the gaming experience. But when it comes to my life I want to skip all that stuff and just move on, get it over with. Why I have this attitude with video games and not myself I have no idea. I like detail, but I’m not motivated to figure it out in my life unless it’s at the last minute.

For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And even we Christians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us. Now that we are saved, we eagerly look forward to this freedom. For if you already have something, you don’t need to hope for it. [Romans 8 22-24]

God is teaching me patience, and rightfully so. It seems this patience lesson is coming through by using my car, you see over the last month I have had much for my car or to my car?. “It’s story time with Travis.”

It starts out with getting a routine oil change, in which I take my car to Jiffy Lube for a “signature” oil change; you know the works; vacuum, check lights, top off the fluids, clean the windows. I notice over the next few hours how my car is acting a little funny, but I can’t quite put my finger on it, then the next day I notice a whirring noise while I accelerate, and the infamous “check engine” light comes on, okay now I start to worry, what does the check engine light mean? Is it safe to drive? Is it just going to die on me? Come on give me more details then “Check engine”! So, I manage to leave work early and take the car back to Jiffy Lube where they take about two seconds to “check things over” and promptly tell me they don’t see anything wrong, and they don?t have the computer to see what “check engine” light is all about., they suggest go to Subaru. So I beg and plead Subaru to look at it for me, because they said Monday was the earliest. I get to Subaru Service, and what do they say? “Um sir, your air filter is missing and the housing was not screwed into place”, I laugh and then frown, because this means Jiffy Lube did not replace my air filter! So, Subaru replaces it, charges me $122.00 just to look at it and install a new filter, so I promptly go back to Jiffy Lube, and the guy behind the counter apologizes, then goes to the shop and yells at all his men, and gives them a stern talking to. Jiffy Lube a week later mails me a check for $122.00.

So a week later I get rear ended, not too badly, but there are some scratches to go along with the dent I already put in my bumper back in the fall. Everything seems okay, I call the police they come out; give us the papers to report the damage to our insurance companies, and all looks well. Until I call the other guys insurance company and it turns out he isn’t a policy holder for All State, and so I call my insurance company and thankfully I can still claim the damage but I’ll have to pay $300 instead of Zero, but that’s better than the $500 they said I would need to pay if they couldn’t find the guy at all. So I take my car into the body shop about another week later, they say “oh yeah, one day no problem”. So my roommate and I go out to my parents house, I pick up my mom’s car to drive for the day, and my roommate, driving my car, follows me out to the shop to drop my car off. The day the car is being worked on, I start heading back to the shop around 4:00pm, because they said it would be done around that time. On my way there I encounter the WSDOT (Washington State Department of Transportation) paving the highway I was using, and so I sat in construction for 25 min, just as I was beginning to move again, I get a phone call from the shop. “Were sorry but your car wont’ be done until tomorrow because we had a problem with the part from Subaru”? I’m thinking to my self “What can go wrong w/ a bumper cover?” and “Great now I have to drive back through this mess”, but thankfully the friend who was going to help me get my car and follow me back to my parent’s to take my mom’s car back, hung out w/ me the rest of the day. That was fun. So the next day, the car was finished, it looked sweet. My friend Matt offered to help me do the car switch back to my parents; upon arrival of my parent’s house I discover that the security system in my car isn’t working right, great, just great another problem with the car.

So the next day, I take the car back to the shop, tell them what’s going on, they take a look, and they can’t figure it out. So they suggest take it to Subaru, so I call Subaru, they ask a few questions, “is your security light flashing fast”, answer “YES”, solution “Turn the car off, open the driver’s door, hold the ‘unlock’ button for 5 seconds”.. I say “okay”. I do, and now problem fixed, two days of a security system not working all because the car was in “valet” mode!

So, now I make one more claim to the insurance company because my windshield has been cracked for quite some time now, and the driver’s side fog lamp has been busted for about the same time. Thankfully because they were busted at the same “event” it’s one deductible, of only $100 for both the windshield and fog lamp. The fog lamp it self is like $175! So, I make an appointment to have my windshield repaired the day after I was suppose to have my car back from the shop, well that didn’t happen so I had to reschedule (a lot of things actually), but it worked out and I had the windshield scheduled for Friday. They come out, tell me all about the procedures for replacing the windshield, to not slam my doors, etc, etc? Then I get a call at my desk, the new windshield basically folded on its self when he installed it, and they don?t have a replacement on hand until Saturday. Great, so now I have this huge crack, with chunks on my dashboard and everything, through my windshield, on the driver’s side. I’m thinking to myself, what else could go wrong w/ this car. So the next day he comes out, replaces the windshield everything is good.

So, I call Subaru to schedule a time to replace the fog lamp, which was supposed to be today. I get there, and I’m sitting in the waiting room for about 30 min before they come out to tell me they don’t have a fog lamp in stock, and need to order one and it will take probably until next week, maybe Friday, but no sooner. Thanks, thanks for letting me sit for 30 min before finding out you didn’t have the part in stock! But that’s okay… I said and went on with my day.

Had this been a few years ago, I would have been so upset at Jiffy lube I would have blown a cork, I would have demanded a rental car from the shop, and driven back to the Auto Glass shop to have a windshield put on right away, and told Subaru to order a new fog lamp express shipping, but I’ve learned, be patient, things work out, and it really doesn’t make a difference when it happens. And you know what, each person I came in contact with who had to give me the bad news, thanked me for my patience? If they only knew what I was thinking? thankfully I can control my tong and attitude, most of the time. I had times of frustration, and certainly my friends saw that, especially the security system problem, I don’t know why, but that really irked me. I’m beginning to wonder if people just don’t know how to work on my car, or what the deal is… but Patience really is a virtue. Thank God.

I?m feeling quite good about my self right now, and I know its because I?m doing the best I can to honor God with all my actions. I had a tough time this morning, but that?s okay I?m moving on. I?m on day 13, almost two weeks, it?s getting harder but I?m holding on. I?ve realized that my real passion is not evangelism but discipleship, I want nothing more but for people to grow closer and closer to God. Sure I love seeing people except Christ for the first time, but I want to be part of the process, which changes their lives. I know God is using me to help train, and show people who God really is. I?ve never been all that great in brining people actually to Christ, but I can surely take a person from that decision in their lives and make it real to them. I know I can because God has shown me that, although for the past two years I was wrapped up in trying to bring others to him, he has called me to helping others get to him closer, which brings me closer and closer to him. The best way to learn something is to teach something.

If you are wise and understand God’s ways, live a life of steady goodness so that only good deeds will pour forth. And if you don’t brag about the good you do, then you will be truly wise! But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your hearts, don’t brag about being wise. That is the worst kind of lie. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and motivated by the Devil. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

[James 3:13-18]

PS. Any thoughts on the new color scheme? I’m not too sure, so let me know… thanks!

I’m chasing after you with all my heart.

Not knowing where I’ll go next.

All I want to do, is please you with every thing I do.

Today I live for you, that’s all that matters now.

Tell me where I can find you.

Tell me where that secret place is.

Tell me how to just be with you.

Tell me why they don’t understand.

I’m running to find that place.

I’m stuck in this holding pattern.

I don’t know how it’s going to work.

For all I know it’s in your face.

Tell me

Tell me

Tell me

I want to know

You are here when I stop.

You are here when I’m quite.

Only you can tell me,

I just need to listen.

Need to listen.

And by the way day 12 has cleared w/ a bit of struggle yesterday, but I kept clear.