Heading out.

Tomorrow morning (in less than 8 hours) Alexis, Me, Carol and Denise will be heading out towards the Polish city of Wrotslaw. We will be meeting with a pastor couple in a city 60 Kilometers east of Wrotslaw, on Saturday while Carol and Denise meet with the pasturing couple, Alexis and I will be visiting Wrotslaw, which use to be a part of Germany before World War I. I am seriously hoping that this time together will allow us the opportunity to talk and get to know each other on another level. We will be back on Sunday evening, the 29th, just in time for our eight month “aniversary”.

The past two weeks have been far from a fairy tale, thankfully not a day go by without solving whatever comes up, and that I believe is a very good thing. Both of us are frustrated because we want to feel that we have friends here, we want to feel appreciated by the people our age here. I know it has only been two weeks for Alexis, and that is a short time to “make friends” anywhere, but at least we want to be included. I have noticed the social network is not the same as in America; they just take more time and usually happen from childhood. I know all about waiting for fruit now, I know I need patience, I am not talking about “fruit”, I am talking about just having friends, weather or not they find Jesus, is not what I am concerned about, that is God’s job, and he will use us. I don’t know, I am just ranting and raving, once again if I think too hard, I think I will start crying. The good news is that Alexis and I have all the same feelings and concerns about the situation here, which tells me God is in control, and that is pure comfort, praise God. Maybe we are just in the middle of the fairy tale?

Listening to: How Deep the Father’s Love for Us – Sarah Sadler – I Could Sing of Your Love Forever, Vol. 2 Disc 1

What is going on?

All I know right now is that I am alive, I am meant to be here in Poland, I love Alexis, and I love God and He is present. Anything beyond that is a mystery. Right now, I have a huge lump in the back of my throat, I want to cry, but I do not know why. I know I love the people here, and I see so much despair in their lives, so much searching, yet I have an awful feeling they do not see that my light is God’s and not mine. There is a horrible presence here, one which is seriously attacking me, I have had more thoughts of flying home (which reminds me I have to call the airline and book my return trip; otherwise I will be paying an expensive one-way ticket). I would not be here if God did not exist, period. Why would I give up (even just for a year) all that I had, a brand new car (a status symbol for my generation), a very good paying full-time job (yet another status symbol, and something which most Americans would see as an insane thing to give up), my cat, my amazing friends, my family, the beautiful city I have called home my entire life, I left it all. Because it is not fair for me to keep all of those things, simply because I want to have a “happy” life, every single one of those things are from God, even though I didn’t deserve it. I am at a point I would get rid of all of those things (except the people, because people are the only thing worth “keeping” in this life), simply to show to my friends here, I do not need anything except God, and I would give my life for any single one of them in the name of God. I want to cry because it is not possible for me get rid of all those things, I am returning, God sent me here for a year, and he wants me back in Seattle where I can tell the people there about the Love needed here. I LOVE MY POLISH FRIENDS and that is why I want to cry, because I love them, and I see their need for Jesus. Life may appear so unfair to them, and I agree it is. However, no matter where you are in this world, life is unfair; this world does not belong to God. We need faith to see that our lives are meant to be more than this short life on Earth, forget everything else. I love all my friends, I know my life will always be split now, a part of me is here in this land.

Listening to: shane bernard – Oh Lord to You – Shane Barnard

What is freedom?

This came to me while I was in the bathroom, sometimes it is the most inspirational place!

Freedom is the ability to face your past, all the hurt, shame, mistakes, wounds, and pain and giving it to God. You may give it to God in a number of ways, prayers, talking to friends, even counseling, the point where you receive the freedom from your past, is when you realize God wants to heal you, he wants to take away the fears caused by your past. Once the fear is gone, you have freedom to live a life that is fully alive. A fully alive life is not a life absent of fear, it is simply a life where you know those fears, wounds, sufferings of the past can be conquered by God, instead of trying to conquer it yourself, which ultimately will not work.

Listening to: shane bernard – Psalm 145 – Shane Barnard

Encouragement needed

I am feeling sweet and sour right now. On one hand the spiritual emptiness, I had been feeling for a while has fled, after I finally gave up some more stuff. However, on the other hand, I neglected some other areas, in my mind I want to justify the neglection because I was under the influence of the spiritual emptiness and I had no way of explaining in spoken words how I was feeling. I have always been more able to explain my feelings in writing rather than spoken words, but I realize I need to be able to say something, instead of stuffing it all inside and waiting for me to be all alone with a pad of paper. My actions have hurt people, and I do not know what to do. It is getting extremely hard here, unfortunately I see know way of resolving the problem before this day ends, I am hurting inside with no one to talk to.

Thank God, my spirit was renewed before this situation came about, otherwise I know I would be calling the airline and running home.

Listening to: Here I Am to Worship – Michael W. Smith – Worship Again

That’s all I have to say

I apologize that this is a little random and not very coherent, but I hope you see the point. Now for some of the problems with my proposed “solution” to the same-sex marriage fiasco. But first why I don’t like the idea of “civil unions”, what is the difference between that and a marriage? Marriages are sanctioned by the church, and civil unions by the state? I suppose that is okay, but it still puts the government into a place of granting us certain rights (in this case tax benefits) for a status of weather we are “connected” with another human. I do agree that the Government should promote some kind of moral system; however, it appears that the current governmental system is slipping the other way, so instead of leaving it to the government to decide what marriage is, give it to the people, and lave the state out of it.

However, there are some issues with taking the government out of the marriage spectrum, such as divorce, who gets what? Child custody, it is already a messy situation, if we were to get rid of government sanctioned marriage, who’s to say what a family is? Basically I think its time for everyone to stop arguing about the marriage issue, and look at the heart issue. Do I think same-sex marriage relationships (including marriages) are wrong? Yes. However, because it appears the government (especially the judicial system) does not see it as wrong, we should just get rid of the government in that part of our lives. It’s either that, or fight until the end and hurt people along the way. I would rather love people into living a life which is completely fulfilling and glorifying to God, than fighting them. I would rather see a homosexual person see the wonderful life God gives to me and my future wife and family, and in turn he/she makes the decision to love God, and let the Holy Spirit do the work, instead of me, because I can not, and neither can anyone else.

Oil & Water

Just as a drop of oil does not dissolve into water, we should not dissolve into the world; and as oil remains in water but does not mix with the water, we should not mix with the world but simply remain in it. This is the image I have concerning the recent news on same-sex marriages. I feel it is time for another viewpoint. I am not admitting defeat; rather I am proposing another strategy, one that keeps our integrity without fighting. I suggest the United States abolish government sanctioned marriage all together, leave marriage up to the people to decide. Give “household” tax benefits based on the number of people in one household, rather than marital status. Let the people become “tied” by whatever means they wish, have it be in a traditional church, a “spiritual” meeting place, or any other way conceivable.

I am suggesting this because I believe instead of fighting for “traditional” marriages, we should focus our attention on creating Godly households, especially since the statistics show that the divorce rate inside and outside “the church” (Christian denominations) is nearly the same. Yes, I can see many people take advantage of this kind of system, and many inmoral relationships and acts will occur. I would hope parents would instill some basic morals, not the government. But it is only by our actions, how our households look, and the people who see those things, will we ever make an impact in this area for Christ. Not laws, rules, regulations.

Besides, who really wants the government in their marriage anyway? As a Christian I will obey whatever laws are passed in my land, as long as it does not force me to deny my morals and faith in Jesus. However, as a Christian I will also live my life loud, I will gladly live as a fish in a fish tank, for everyone to watch, I am that confident. I do not need the Government to tell me what marriage is, and neither does anyone else. I will choose to be married in God’s authority, and live a life which reflects love for others and God.

Listening to: The Edge of Water – Jars of Clay – The Eleventh Hour

Balancing time

The way I spend my time has a large influence on my attitude and overall mood. If I spend my time with a people who I do not have a personal connection with, then I find myself getting easily annoyed and quiet. However if I spend time with people who are edifying, encouraging, and really want to build a connection, I don’t mind spending hours and hours with them. Sometimes it is so tempting to just put myself in a little Christian bubble, with all my friends who I know inside and out, who share the same values, and share the same drive to live for Christ. Here in Poland I do not have that, at all, as much as I am trying to develop that, I realize what I had in Seattle was nothing short of a blessing. Having Alexis here has only increased this longing for the kind of fellowship I had. I realize this is where God wants me, even though I do not have that kind of fellowship here, I now have a deeper connection with God – which I believe has been his main goal for me.

I have fellowship with God now, I do not mind my alone times. If I were to explore this subject just three months ago, I know it was different; I was so lonely and yearning so hard for that fellowship and those friends. Now, I can easily be by myself all day. Of course, I still love those people, and I know that having friendships is not only important, it is a huge blessing. However, I know when I cannot find anyone to do something with, or life is just hectic, being alone is good, being alone is my time with God, and it is wonderful. I think right now, not because of Alexis (I could easily spend more time with her), but for other reasons, God time is what I need to be recharged.

Lord I want more of You
Living water rain down on me
Lord I need more of You
Living breath of life come fill me up

We are hungry
We are hungry
We are hungry for more of You
We are thirsty, oh Jesus
We are thirsty for more of You

We lift our holy hands up
We want to touch You
We lift our voices higher and higher and higher to You

We lift our holy hands up
We want to touch You
We lift our voices higher and higher and higher to You
[Passion – We are Hungry]

Life is movin’ fast

Life is certainly moving faster these days, today I got a car! We are just barrowing it, but it is a huge blessing! However, it has also kept me busy, so I haven’t had time to really sit and think about much other than planning and learning line dances for this Disco on Saturday. I am very excited about it, and Alexis and I had a blast today learning the dances. We have chosen three fairly simple dances… First the Electric Slide, second Boot Scootin’ Boogie, and last We Like to Party. By Sunday I should have something a little more interesting to read than day to day stuff. However I leave you with this thought.

I ask him
When will I
Be free he
Said I am Asking him
When will I Change he said
No matter now No matter now

Saturn has a ring around it
You can never see it with your eyes
Saturn has a ring around it
Many moons know this to be true

You ask him
How can you
Be real he
Said you’ll be
Knowing him
How you do
Now he says
Rest in this
Rest in this

Saturn has a ring around it
You can never see it with your eyes
Saturn has a ring around it
Many moons know this to be true
Heaven has a ring around it
The angels sing a song over you
Heaven has a ring around you
If you don’t see it know that it’s true
[Skillet – Saturn – Skillet]

Country line dancing?

We are putting on a disco this Saturday night, Alexis and I are going to be teaching some country line dancing, to newer kinds of dance music that is. We both are pretty excited, for most of tomorrow we will be practicing and choosing music and dances! All of my Seattle friends should check out “Dakota’s” in Kent, you’ll have a blast!I like this kind of stuff!