Got sick?

Yep, I have got sick…

The first sickness in well over a year, possibly two… and it’s nasty. Cold sweats, hot flashes, headaches, coughing, and all over muscle pain… not so fun.

Been this way since Wednesday, had a breakthrough on Thursday night where I felt normal after asking for some prayer, but I think God wants me to simply have some rest. And that I am… I’ve been in bed more than I’ve been out of bed… Rest is good… A little extra strength Tylenol and at least the aches and pains are gone… and I am a staunch “I don’t take medicine” kind of person… but I needed relief.

My Birthday Wish List

Okay so here is Travis’ official 26th birthday wish list!

1. Money – You can PayPal me 😛
2. Brian McLaren’s “Everything Must Change”
3. Brendon DuBois’ “Twilight”
4. Donations for Poland (see the side bar)
5. Update 1/25/08 as my bride pointed out I also want a digital photo frame, not a huge one, just one to go on my desk so I can enjoy my bride, family, and friends.
6. A Thousand Splendid Suns

Dangerous Territory

I know I’m in dangerous territory when I’m feeling discontent. Sometimes discontent is a sign of moving forward, desiring more from life or a person. But I know that in my current scenario, it is not that… I know my direction, I know where I’m headed, I’m just being impatient.

I’m tired of the IT world, I know there are many opportunities to see people and “be a light” in many different places, but my heart is for discipleship. I know that at any point in time the Holy Spirit could guide me to bring people to Him and he could use me for evangelism and I also know that my gift, my “sweet spot” you could say, is for seeing people grow to new understandings and depths in who they are with and in Christ.

I hate offending people, and I hate the awkward pause or looks when people realize that I’m a “church goer”… but I just gotta be me. Most of all I know that Jesus offended people, I’m okay with offending people with His truth… but I refuse to offend people in the name of a “church” or “organization” that calls itself a house of Jesus followers when really all they are doing is shaming people rather than setting them free with God’s grace and truth.

So I’m discontent because computers are 1. Not very responsive to God’s truth 2. Certainly don’t understand grace and 3. Are not very open to discipleship.

How to stay steady…

HA! I have no idea. Everyday is a new day, and each day brings its ups and downs. But, I choose to remain dependent on God and inter-dependent on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I choose to allow my bride to love me, nurture me, and be my helper, and I choose to be vulnerable with her through my ups and downs, and her ups and downs.

For when I fail any of the above, the downs are never padded and feel like I’ve fallen hard onto concrete and ups take me way out into an orbit beyond Pluto. Neither of which is very healthy.

So I’ll stand and remain balanced holding onto what God has shown me, told me, and provided. I’m here to serve, love, and be loved.

and oh yeah, keep it sweetly simple (new version of KISS).

Am I a jack or do I just feel like one?

As I have grown up, moved out, moved on, and moved away from home I have always had a lurking voice and feeling that I’m “just a jack of all trades, and a master of nothing”.

There are certainly some things that I’m close to a master, my career for one, but even in that I sometimes feel stupid for not knowing things at times – but that’s all of us in this field of I.T., there is just too much to know, it’s better to be specialized.

So, with a baby on the way, there’s just one more thing to try to measure up to “good dad”. Now I “know” that I don’t have to measure up to anything, and I know my wife will think I’m just being hard on myself (which again, I “know” I am) and at the same time I am keenly aware of areas that I need to work on. I know that in God’s eyes, it only takes effort for him to call us “good and faithful servant”. This is what I need to focus on… another step by step moment.

The next step

The moment I gave my life to the Lord was right in the middle of a worship song, and the words were “And step by step you’ll lead me, and I will learn to walk in your ways” a song that had been written (at that time) ten years earlier.

I am so thankful that I am still taking each step, learning to walk in His ways. Although I have a bit of a job crisis, and the financial future is unsure, each day brings a blessing of provision, not just in our personal lives but also in our calling. The trip to Poland is almost fundraised, about another $1,000 and we’ll be on budget. Praise Jesus.

The words of Jesus say it all “Do not worry about tomorrow, for today brings enough worries of its own”.

Amen.