When values conflict

Window in the Pearl

Being an idealist (and a Christian one at that) may cause one to have ulcers. Sometimes in my quest to live out what I believe are kingdom principles (love people like our Father does, as a child of His be disciplined, and realize His ways are higher than mine) my head spins, my heart aches, and I’m left paralyzed without much of an answer. More often than not I am left feeling like I’m one of the few who truly care, and therefore, what on earth can I do?  I’m reminded, it’s not me, it’s Him that needs to do this stuff on earth… or is it “just Him?” – my spirit screams no, I must do something too.  So, as I try to align all my thoughts, concerns, and deep love for humanity, I become confused with why so many around me move around as if there wasn’t another human around…

So, what values of mine are conflicting? It’s my idealistic values of the Kingdom, and my insecurities of the past. It’s the value to honor my fellow friends, brothers, and sisters, and my need to know I’m “doing” the right thing… aka “approved.”

Sure, people generally care about those around them, but do they care about the ones they can’t/don’t see around them?  Then I think to myself… well I haven’t done much either, so who am I to say much and try to bring awareness to others? I so badly want to see people encounter God, and to see the Church being the Church (having people encounter a dwelling God among them).  So what has held me back?  Honestly, it’s this idea that I need some kind of “permission” or “commission” – some kind of authority figure to “bless” me and say “go do it.” – well, I have heard it, from the Father himself, and I need to stop seeking out the humanly and just walk out what I know is true in the Spirit – respect the human authority – and honor the Spiritual authority.  To be continued…

My confliction

Brick Wall Pearl District
Life is like a brick wall sometimes. No parking for my thoughts.

 

Simply put, the reason I rarely write much these days is because I have been suffering from my own self-diagnosed “writer’s constipation.” Yes, I know, gross. However, there’s a lot going on in my life, and honestly, when I think about writing about any of it there is just so much to “dance” around that I’m afraid I’ll just bore people attempting to provide all the “necessary” details just so that I feel people are “ok” with my thoughts.

Yes, basically, I’m attempting to please people. This is so stifling… I hate it when people mis-understand, mis-read, or mis-interpret me… or jump to conclusions… and the worse is the stereo-type. So, I think I’m going to begin changing things around this little corner of the internet I call my “blog” and simply remind people, this is a conversation, and no one is right or wrong – not even me.  Let’s just start there, and stop the small talk.

Tweets for the past week

  • Yummy Turkish coffee at Nicholas' in Gresham. http://pi.pe/-ka3mpy #
  • Hmmm…. $500 for am iPad to read some documents and you use a paper notepad to write your notes on? #
  • The mouthpiece (נְבִיא) of God shall give Him praise (הלל). #
  • Went walking near the Columbia River http://pi.pe/-k4q4nv #
  • I'm @ The East Hill Church Family #
  • Mt. Hood at sunset from our balcony. http://pi.pe/-pq4h7v #
  • Just Skyped with friends in Poland – absolutely love them! #

Tweets for the past week

  • Life is better when you stop caring about what other people think about you, and you start caring about other people. #
  • Really? Bridge lifts during rush hour?? #
  • #relationships are more than just connections. Relationships are soul ties of some value or another, negative and positive. Keep it real. #
  • Does anyone else lay in bed awake because you can't decide what to wear? #
  • @mheternal AWESOME – I wish I was there. #love90smusic #
  • MAX observation this week: Wed 4:34 train from downtown PDX is full of very talkative people. The kind that talk to the whole training. #
  • Life is in, through, and all about details…. the key is knowing what details to care for. #
  • @mheternal me too, and the self proclaimed "non-religious" too. #
  • I'm @ Departure Restaurant and Lounge #
  • So gladd to be having coffee with @mheternal #
  • View from departure Thursday afternoon. http://pi.pe/-13fvqn #
  • I'm @ The East Hill Church Family #

Tweets for the past week

  • After an all day adventure in the urban forest of PDX yesterday, we are dreaming of the day we live in a city – Kraków is that dream. #
  • PDX to JFK today, JFK to SEA tomorrow, and SEA to PDX Wed evening. My @united miles are adding up all over! Got my engineering on. #
  • I'm @ Cosmopolitan Hotel Tribeca #
  • Um yeah, sorry PDX friends… it's 84 in NYC right now, but I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt, suit pants, and a tie… still it's nice #
  • Ah man, JFK air train is broken, it's insane here "shuttle busses" not really big enough or have enough to handle the crowds. #gunnabelate #
  • There is no BCP for the AirTrain breaking down…. they just dropped off one very upset mob at the long term parking and no bus to Airport! #
  • @Delta are u aware JFK AirTrain is out of service and there is very little replacement service, many people late to departure flights! #
  • I'm @ Paddy Coyne's Bellevue #
  • I'm @ Seattle-Tacoma International Airport #
  • @divinediscount yeah, 🙂 back to PDX. #
  • PDX bound – and I've got surprises for both of my girls 🙂 #
  • PDX bound! Surprises for both my girls on the way. http://pi.pe/-2mcavt #
  • Waiting for my bag on the tarmac, kinda cool! http://pi.pe/-m0g1h4 #
  • Just recorded this on Google's homepage in memory of Les Paul – so not anything – just fun! 🙂 http://goo.gl/doodle/wGKJ #
  • @thinxtoomuch what are you talking about? What's up with Delta? #
  • SUN. #
  • Nothing like sleep and good music to help clarify the mind, soul, and spirit. #
  • I'm @ The East Hill Church Family #
  • I'm @ The East Hill Church Family #

Tweets for the past week

  • Hmmm… no plans for today or tomorrow, does anyone want to adapt a family? 🙂 #
  • I think @mheternal is a stocker… just sayin'! #
  • Playing around with a new camera app. http://pi.pe/-vgmkgx #
  • Playing aroud with a new camera app… some more. http://pi.pe/-w97t1z #
  • Playing aroud with a new camera app… and even more. http://pi.pe/-lrze3r #
  • Playing aroud with a new camera app… some more again. http://pi.pe/-n10h70 #
  • Playing aroud with a new camera app… one last time. http://pi.pe/-hm4qrj #
  • Don't let your circumstances/crutches/others define who you are. Take the choice to be defined by Jesus – at least tale a good look and ask! #
  • @dustinbrownman ah ha… I'll have to see if I can catch that. I know FMI has a good heart, just the local needs speak louder for resources. #
  • @Pastor_Jas Are you on Ohio for #connect11 ? #
  • Sooo tired, but excited to hang and pray with some (apparently) more wise brothers 😉 #
  • @scoeyd aaaaaah I wish we were there! #
  • Please say we are not having another "Juneuary"… say it together "no Juneuary" – thanks. #
  • I'm @ The East Hill Church Family #
  • I'm @ Red Robin Gourmet Burgers #
  • Good connections tonight, and now with family. Makes work oh so good when you're all encouraged up! #
  • I'm @ Gustav's Pub & Grill #
  • Enjoying the day outside with MANY destinations and awesome things that cost little money 🙂 be prepared for many mobile uploads! #sun #
  • Imagination station! http://pi.pe/-5l0atd #
  • Marcus at Director Park http://pi.pe/-tp291u #
  • I'm @ The East Hill Church Family #