Tag: the Lord

How to stay steady…

HA! I have no idea. Everyday is a new day, and each day brings its ups and downs. But, I choose to remain dependent on God and inter-dependent on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I choose to allow my bride to love me, nurture me, and be my helper, and I choose to be vulnerable with her through my ups and downs, and her ups and downs.

For when I fail any of the above, the downs are never padded and feel like I’ve fallen hard onto concrete and ups take me way out into an orbit beyond Pluto. Neither of which is very healthy.

So I’ll stand and remain balanced holding onto what God has shown me, told me, and provided. I’m here to serve, love, and be loved.

and oh yeah, keep it sweetly simple (new version of KISS).




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My internal conflictions

A quick list of things that I’m struggling to grasp right now in my life and walk with Jesus.

  1. Raising funds without sounding like a broken record/beggar (see previous post, didn’t the apostles help the beggars though , but they didn’t enable them to continue in poverty, right?)
  2. Dicipling a generation and/or individual people that are not open to confrontation, either they are afraid to confront others about moral issues, or they don’t allow others to confront themselves. The big defense: DON’T JUDGE ME! Where did this reaction start? Where did loving someone into a closer relationship turn into condemnation?
  3. How to love people through differences. I’m a person that loves to disciple people, hates to offend, yet I am a disciple of Jesus, which Jesus naturally offends people. Sometimes I am so passionate about discipling on things like, the importance of living above reproach, all are called to ministry (we all have gifts for the kingdom), the blessing of living and walking in moral authority, that all I want to do is either ring people’s necks who blatantly live lives contrary to this, or I just get depressed and grieve over the state of people I love.
  4. A regular, near daily, prayer-life. A prayer life that focuses on God, and his relationship to me and others, not just a selfish, me-centered prayer life, but one that is about moving forward and listening (such as listening about these four areas).
  5. Added 10:05 – The conflict of our needs, and other’s resources. This is a completely jealous conflict ion, but one none the less that I struggle with. Alexis and I pour a lot of our resources into our calling, our time, our money, and our relationships, it’s all about our calling for discipleship. All around us though we see people spending their time and money on their own desires, cars, houses, that in our opinion (and judgmentally) are well beyond what they need. Why does a single 24 year old need a new Mercedes? Why does a single 25 year old spend over $600 a month in entertainment? Just some thoughts.

So those are the four, now five big things in my life that I feel stuck on right now. I don’t expect to just “get it” one day, I expect though to process through these things, some of them probably for the rest of my life (2 and 3). But I do expect for me to take responsibility in these areas, to do the hard things and ask, to address people on things when I feel conflict yet all in Grace and with the basis that no matter the outcome my care for them won’t change – that my friends is how Jesus lived.

Updated 10:00 am. – Each of these things I think is related to surrender, we/I need to surrender and allow God and his church to do it’s work, unhindered. We have to live as examples, so if we do something that isn’t above reproach – that is against the path that Jesus has called us to live – we must surrender it. It’s not easy, it’s a self-less act that says I will follow my Lord, even though my desire is something different. Sometimes even our God-given desires are not the right path, for the time. I know this, I’ve lived it, I’m living it right now. So instead of crying about it, I’m living my life on the path, and it’s full of blessings! A CHILD! A BABY GIRL. That wouldn’t be such a blessing if I/we had gone on our own whim on our own path.




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From empowered to being empowering

In recent months, I have had both external and internal confirmations urging me to take a hold of my proper authority, both authority as in status and authority in wisdom and knowledge. I believe now that the stagnation that I have felt over the past few months has been mostly due to me failing to step into this authority. Half of me does not know how and the other half is scared of this. I know in my head what it looks like, but my heart is weary and unsure. Moving the knowledge from my head into my heart and then actually asserting this authority is a scary thing. The Lord is urging me to do this quickly, deep down I know in some strange way it is only I that has this authority.

To step into this new territory is going to require a lot of administration, emails, scheduling, and much prayer. Some of it I am walking into completely blind, feeling as if I have no tools (weapons in some cases) to be victorious, yet I know that He never lets go. A mentor of mine gave me Isaiah 30:15 a couple of weeks ago, I have taken until just a few minutes ago to read it. This is what it says (click the verse reference for the content):

This is what the Sovereign LORD,
the Holy One of Israel, says
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

In the full content of the chapter, I realize that God

Anouncement!

The news of 2007 is:

Alexis and I are having a baby!!!

Back on our anniversary we thought we may have been pregnant, although we were on the “pill”, Alexis took a few different pregnancy tests, all came out negative. Then on our trip there were a few symptoms that we decided Alexis should see the doctor, so on Tuesday of this past week she did exactly that.

By Wednesday at 9am she found out, she is 12 weeks pregnant! Which means our little one has already been to France and Poland 😛

The baby is due March 11th at this point. It’s crazy, it’s kinda fast, but we were ready to start trying in September anyway! So God’s provision we know is coming!

Love you all! Thanks for your prayers and support!




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Authentic submission

All I have is my own experience to speak about, but grieves me to see so many people, Christians and not, who don’t understand submission, meekness, and humility. Even the Lord, with all of his power, submitted, was meek and is meek (he even allows us to do our will despite his power), and was/is humble (even though he has all the reason to tell us off).

Some may say that my life looks religious, it’s a far cry from anything religious, I don’t do what I do because I feel guilty, or I might, or I’m trying to “earn my way” for anyone, anything, heaven, nor God. I do what I do because when I do things my way, my life just isn’t full, I find myself climbing and going down, I look around running towards something but ending up where I started, and I try to get close to people and end up further away.

I am submitted to my job, not to “show off”, not even to “move ahead”, I’m submitted because Jesus says to love your neighbor, and when you do, peace is at hand. I am meek, meaning I am confident yet do not overuse what I know or what power I do have, because encouraging others and helping others helps everyone. I would like to say I’m humble, and with most external things I am, I know where I could exert myself but I restrain, because after years (and much more time is needed) of climbing up and going down, I have learned that turning the other cheek, not gloating about myself, and living in a fallen world and not complaining has brought a peace that only comes by living humbly. I mess this up on an almost daily basis, but even catching myself allows His light to shine.

For me, I submit because I have learned that serving others is extremely rewarding, not in a material way (although the Lord has blessed us immensely, and I know it has been because we choose to submit to His will and serve our neighbors, and because he’s gracious, that’s actually the first reason). The blessings of submission lead to life long relationships, peace, understanding, authentic forgiveness, and keep us where we belong, focused on the Lord, Others, and it allows Him to use us and provide for us.




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Intern retreat round 2

[This is a retro-published post, actually posted on Nov 12, 2005 – I wanted these words to be posted into my archives on the right day to line up with my life at that time]
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Again we went to the amazing Oregon coast for our intern retreat this year. This time instead of each Intern prophesying over each other a lady named Barb Jackson came, taught, and randomly prophesied. It was amazing, and what God said through her to Alexis and I (we received the word together) is nothing short of amazing – we were crying like babies at the end, because God totally rocked our world. The rest is history:

When we go as full-time over there. That will happen. We are in training, and it’s been rough, the finances haven’t been right, but they will come, we will go, but not before we are sent -don’t go before sent… If we go before we are sent we will come back, bruised as in ACTS 19. The enemy will try to make us think we can’t wait (within 6 months), don’t listen to that voice, remember this WORD. Be faithful in all the training, in the right time, humble ourselves under his hand, and he will exalt us… God will Send us out with ordination and with supporters, commissioning, start with house church, evangelize the area, a few contacts will give us the hands and lift up the resources. God says we will be known in that place as the people with the word of the LORD. It’s not going to be a “regular house church” People will know they can get their needs met, physically, spiritually, word of prophecy over the people, healing, words of knowledge and wisdom, food, the vision will be. Churches will grow fast, split so fast, we will need to split into two… won’t get a building big enough…. Just a handful in each. Churches where his voice will be heard. We will know the time for marriage…. There will be a right time for marriage, God will unite us. Don’t jump ahead. TWO will put ten thousand… God has given us the green light the word for our lives, the time, and method are still yellow lights… caution don’t run ahead. wait until the light is green. Those who are over us in the spirit will tell us the green light at the same time we sense it in our hearts. Be cautious The enemy will try to stop us in our tracks. Just like the enemy tried to tell with Peter told Jesus not to go to Calvary… but the timing was right, the timing will come. We will have that green light. God says there will be nothing at that time he will withhold. John 14:12-13 – Us who believe on him… God will be accelerating our training, we will be stretched, and feel like we don’t have enough time… Burn the oil at midnight if we must. For a time and a season we need to push in… be obedient, obey, obey, obey 3x. God will take us both down to the third obedience, where we will sow our lives for those people. Sow our lives for those people, we will love them to the end. They will know the love… that love will require our lives. That love will go through our whole lives. Our message will be the love of the father’s heart. As we go forward in obedience to him… we will fulfill the father’s heart. He will say “well done, good and faithful servant”.

A prophetic exercise

[This post was actually posted on Nov 12, 2005, but to make more sense I have retro-published it to fit in with when the actual event happened]
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This past weekend was our intern retreat out on the beautiful Oregon Coast. It was an amazing time, great worship, great prayer, and God was there. Something which I had never experienced before was “prophecy”, and this past weekend we did a prophetic exercise. Now, before you go off thinking I’ve joined a cult or something, hear me out. No one forced us to speak, and no one was yelling, screaming, or making any other kind of strange body spasm, we simply laid our hands on each person and listened to what God was speaking to each of our fellow brothers and sisters. These are the words which came for me:

SPONGE: You are a sponge the yellow-green kind with lots of yuck inside. God is squeezing you, doing whatever HE can to clean you. It hurts. He will clean/fill you with His Holy water. His living water will wash you out. Decay needs to be uprooted. Dirty job but necessary.

BOAT: from Venice. Big staff in water you are holding staff.
Fisherman: This year the year to walk on water. Don’t look around or get frustrated. Cry out your fears, out loud.

WALKING ON WATER, IN POLAND: You were walking on water in Poland. Then you went down and Jesus picked you up. You were the only disciple in Poland. You’re now back in the boat with God in the storm, but God has quieted the storm. God wants to bless you. You are a foundational/pioneering person and God gave you this gift. God wants to heal you from mental and spiritual abuse, or any other. Enjoy the calm that God has made through the storm. The storm is not over. Endure the upcoming test. Be encouraged, you have the heart of Peter, so strong. Peter denied Christ three times, yet the church was built upon Peter.

LIGHTHOUSE: with stairs around the outside of building. Raining, thunder, but you keep climbing to the light. The light house is to warm ships of things coming. You’re wearing a black rain coat, God is that covering, he is with you. God’s given you persistence stronger than others. Because your faith is so strong in God you will press on.

HEBREWS 11:8-10: It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called on him to leave home and go to another land that god would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith – for he was like a foreigner, living in a tent. And so did Isaac and Jacob, to whom God gave the same promise. Abraham did this because he was confidently looking forward with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.

GOD EAGER TO USE YOU: God is sitting with eager expectation you are willing to serve and that gives God a great anticipation. Tender heart, a servant’s heart. God excited to work in you because you are so open he can do such great things in you and through you.

God is walking with you. You’ve gone through a lot and are being healed. God is with you and your strong faith. God will heal you.

You are a man of integrity. Strong in God. He is walking with you.

Your heart for God is awesome, seeking his face.

PIONEER/CONSTRUCTION: While walking the enemy tried to distract you. God will build foundation, and you will build a house and roof. He has plans of construction with you. You dig very consciencly. You rebuild. You know when they fit. You are a pioneer. Storm come and ruins inside house. So we do the immediate – restore inside. Then storm comes again and ruins inside. God is building the roof so the other work will last. Plan of construction before you.

Technical. You dig stuff out and put together useful pieces. Spiritual mechanic and make things useful. Pioneer.

Up in tree you are a strategist. “Traveling Travis”, missionary, ambassador, you’ll be like Joshua. You will tell people as Joshua did.

DELIVERANCE: Each step of lighthouse is new stage of deliverance. Some steps may seem to go off cliff. You may want to curl up on some steps, NO. Don’t be afraid. But God says “no my son, get up, stand up” You will pastor people. Pastor’s mantle. Open minded. As lighthouse light shines North, South, East, West, God will give you direction to those places. No matter how difficult it is, God has your hand, He is prompting you to GO.

He is your focus. Trust the Lord and run the race. The Lord is your fortress, strength, and shield.

CLEANLINESS: Deut 23:9-14 When you look at refuse you think that stinks. God doesn’t reject you. He sees the garbage and embraces you. God will cover the refuse and get rid of it. God doesn’t see you as unclean. He will not turn away from you.
When you go to war with your enemies, stay away from everything impure. Any man who becomes ceremonially defiled because of a nocturnal emission must leave the camp and stay away all day. Toward evening he must bathe himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp. Mark off an area outside the camp for a latrine. Each of you must have a spade as part of your equipment. Whenever you relieve yourself, you must dig a hole with the spade and cover the excrement. The camp must be holy, for the LORD your God moves around in your camp to protect you and to defeat your enemies. He must not see any shameful things among you, or he might turn away from you.

BROKENNESS by the Lord, so he can deliver you. You need to be broken before God can heal you. Get to rock bottom so He can build you up.

You will be Bold. You are a cool surfer that is steady from God, Karate Man. Surfing on a wave with glasses, coolness. Steady, firm, chilling on wave. Intimidate the Enemy. Like a gangster knife fight you scare opponent. You go ahead.

You have an Axe – chanting around a fire like an Indian. “you are a warrior”

PSALM 84:5-12
Happy are those who are strong in the Lord, who set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains! They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem. O God, look with favor upon the king, our protector! Have mercy on the one you have anointed. A single day in your courts, is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked. For the Lord God is our light and protector. He gives us grace and glory. No good thing will the Lord withhold from those who do what is right. O Lord almighty, happy are those who trust in you.