Talking about Jesus, as if he were alive!

Man, sometimes I am so ashamed of myself, in a good healthy way. Let me explain, many times I dodge, withhold, or otherwise avoid talking about Jesus in a real way. Yeah I’ll mention what I believe, what I think, and at times give simple encouragements. BUT, it’s always in a very politically correct, benign kind of way. He is so real, and he has and does so much for me, I should talk about what he does as if it were my parents doing something great for me. He deserves even more praise! He is great, and his name shall reign the earth. Yet I inhibit myself all the time… this I shall investigate, this I shall dig into. I want him to be apparent in my life.

It’s Friday!

I am so glad it’s Friday. Tonight I get to go to a Men’s conference, essentially my first, can’t wait. I just want to be out of here (work) and get my brain off of troubleshooting and diagnosing… nothing ever seems to get accomplished in this line of work. A few projects, but those are few and far between, it’s almost always “maintenance“.

Tension & Motivation

I get so frustrated with myself over things. On one hand I love the feeling of be productive, getting things accomplished, but on the other I just don’t want to, I’m not motivated enough, and I would rather “veg” all day. I love being out doors, and I love riding my bike, going running, etc, but most days I just “don’t feel like it”. I love building new things, learning about new things, studying how things are done, but most of the time I don’t want to do it myself. Pretty much everything I love to do, I only really like to do when other people will do it with me. So pretty much I’ve come to the conclusion that doing it on my own isn’t really fun, but I know I need to get over that. It isn’t that I don’t like myself, I’m actually quite happy and content with myself. I’m just not content being alone, when I am alone, I lose motivation.

I have to be very motivated to do something on my own. Don’t get me wrong I’ll do things at work on my own, that’s about 90% of my job. Yet, I always find myself much happier when I have someone to share it with. However, blogging is the one thing that I prefer to do alone, it would be very annoying to have someone else giving their two cents along the way. Although blogging is a bit different from other journaling, as others can comment if they wish, I ‘spose that’s one motivator behind it.

Lord Jesus, thanks for loving me for who I am, for giving me these strange idiosyncrasies, and simply making me this way. The more I become okay with it, and more importantly, being okay with doing stuff with you, the more content I know I will be.

In your name, Amen.

Living a life of discipline.

Being disciplined is so hard. A few weeks ago Alexis and I wrote out our priorities, we took what God has called us to in this season and wrote out how we would process those things into a tangible real-life schedule. We put in our devotion times, our exercise times, our solitude times, fellowship time, etc… It has been about three weeks of “implementation”, we certainly need to tweak it, well specifically my schedule, I find my after work exercise and devotion times to always be the things that get knocked out or diminished. However, even with that I have found that my stress levels are much less, which has lead me to being stronger against temptation, not just sexually but also in anger and frustration as well. So as long as I can get a hold on my schedule and be able to say no and yes when appropriate so that these priorities happen, I know I’ll at least be more aware of stress. Even though we have pretty predictable schedules from week to week I’m seeing a need to sit down at least once every week and a half or so and go over the coming weeks so that we are on the same page.

Lord, thank you for putting these disciplines into our lives, your grace alongside discipline has proven to be a blessing that I know will continue into the rest of our lives. I praise you for your work and your love. In Jesus’ name – amen.

Oops.

So, last Thursday at work I setup a couple of new servers, well yesterday I went back to them to continue setup… in my genius attempt to make a good password, I forgot, and I apparently didn’t write it down correctly. So, now I have two options, hope and pray that one of the password crackers that I have at the office will work, or reinstall it all over again, times 2 servers. Oh well. Worse has happened, their brand new and in no rush, thank God.

Being bored…

I know some of you would pay to be bored, I would pay to be doing something that I have a passion to do. The grass is always greener on the other side. This season that God has us in also has me in a very trying state of “wait”. It’s a good place and I know that it will require much patience. I feel as though there is something that I must give birth to, but I have no idea when, and only a hint of the “what”. I know God has something very exciting and that this waiting season is a key ingredient for full gestation to occur. In the mean time I must hunker down and write technical documents are server migrations and more fun stuff like that.

Looking forward…

I’m actually looking forward to doing my journaling time today. This is good, it means something is changing. Have I mentioned that the second half of my day 4 days of the week is quite boring… I have to try really hard to find things to do. Yikes… it’s not my company though, I’m contracted at the moment to another place right now, and I’m only here for “help desk” things.