The heart of why…

*** Amendment 01/02/03 ****

This post is not about anyone who actualy reads my blog, it is about a friend who does not attend a school anywhere in the Seattle Metro area. I was actually offended and hurt that people would jump to the conclusion that I would write so blatently about someone as if I had no back ground information, no thought as to how someone would feel, and no wisdom from God. I have never used names in my Blog, and I never will, but this particular post was made very vauge because the details are not for me to announce, and I do have to say (now) that it did resemble a very different situation, but it was a coincidence.

Well here I sit in my bed. Today we take off for the CRU winter conference, I am so excited but in a mess of frustration, a really awesome friend of mine is being waylaid (in my opinion and experience) by Satan, and may not be able to go. This conference last year changed my life, and I know everyone always hears of things like this, but this truly did happen, all the seminars in the world couldn’t add up to the importance of this conference last year. This isn’t just a “retreat” in fact I am trying to steer away from calling it that; it is a conference of God. 1000 College students from the Pacific Northwest gathering to worship and learn and discuss God! How awesome could that be? If I knew a better word for awesome I would use it! Well I?m almost ready to get ready for the day, have a great time; I?ll be back on the 1st! Great times will be! Thank you Lord!

Deep thoughts and insecurity…

Deep thoughts and insecurity…

So, the last two days have been very, very interesting. On thanksgiving evening I spent time with my family just as most Americans do… it was pretty boring. I love my family very much, and I love the fact that I can now talk to them as adults and they treat me as an adult now. The whole night though I felt a little awkward, most of them know now that I’m hardcore in to “God” or my “religion” now, so I think for some reason that made them uncomfortable, I hope (in the bible the word for hope in the original text basically meant they expected) that is a good thing. I find myself acting almost the same as I did before I was Christian when I’m with extended family, except that when I would normally do something un-Christ-like I’m just quite now, I don’t find anything exciting to say or do, and therefore appear boring. But surprisingly the person I ended up talking to the most was my brother, him and I are becoming much closer now, it’s awesome. Praise God!

Today (Saturday the 29th) I ended up sleeping in until noon, I was suppose to help my friend’s family out at 1:00, I was about a half hour late, no problem. It was cool seeing my friend that I’ve known since pre-school, she is AWESOME, and might go the Pedro the Lion show with us tomorrow! I’m so EXCITED! I sold a phone to my brother today too, that was awesome, another step to being a real brother to him, I ended up buying him his phone as a gift for Christmas and his birthday, since he failed his credit check. It was cool though, and I also bought him a Bible, all of this with money I don’t really have, but God will provide, somehow. :).

A few feelings I’ve had over the last few days include… Feeling unattractive, this isn’t a new one, but the strange thing is I’ve been more confident, I guess being around confident people rubs off, amen! But none the less, I always feel like some other guy in the room is better, either in looks and/or personality, but this feeling is happening less and less. I’m not looking for a relationship right now anyway, because I don’t want to be co-dependent, I want to be fully dependent on God. Life is awesome, I have so many AWESOME friends, truly every single one of them challenge, lift me, help me, and really care for me, it is so awesome. Even with all of this, I still find my self going, hey, that guy looks really good, I want to look like him, or wow, I want have that guy’s charm, or whatever… But then, when I’m in a group, as I was tonight, I’m find my self getting “better” able to just shrug off things which would have normally shut me down. Praise God. I love ALL OF MY FRIENDS, you know who you are, and if your reading this and you don’t think your one of my friends, you are just for reading this! AMEN.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Father God,

In your awesome name and power

Please continue to make me stronger in fighting (and fighting is a weak word) the temptations which are put in front of me… help me to change and to turn away from those temptations, and forgive me for giving in them.

Thank you for my family, and thank you soooo much for bring my brother closer to me. I ask that this Sunday be a life applicable time for my brother to hear how YOU CAN BE IN HIS LIFE.

I invite you to continue making these changes in my life, open my eyes and my heart to everything you have for me.

I ask all of this and anything I’ve asked in secret in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Jesus Describes His True Family [Mathew 12:46-50]

As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers were outside, wanting to talk with him. Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they want to speak to you.”

Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “These are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”

So I’ve learned

So I’ve learned

I’ve learned that you can’t have everything your way…

I’ve learned that people are really cool once you get to know them…

I’ve learned that I get obsessed about things when their cool and new…

I’ve learned that blogging is an awesome way for me to express my self, my thoughts, and to talk to God and read his word!

Amen to that brothers and sister!

Another fifteen minutes…

I awoke this morning to the familiar sound of the alarm clock. Once again it was freezing in my bedroom, and once again, I was just too tired to get up beyond the point of reaching and turning off the alarm. So, I fell back to sleep. I did not arise again until around 9am… woops… work was supposed to start at 7am again. Oh well. So I stay in bed for another fifteen minutes, after which I finally drag myself to my closet, and pick something out for the day. I then take a shower, beat myself up for being late again, when over and over I swear to myself and to God that I won’t continue doing this. Then I leave for work.

I decide that I am going to begin listening to worship music again, so I trade out a bunch of the CDs in my player and put in worship CDs. All the way to work, I am at least thankful I didn’t fall into the sin trap I had the day before, so I decide I’m going to work on one problem in my life for now on, it’s just too much to try and stop three bad habits, I’ll go for one, for now.

Once at work, I encounter a happy group of Cedarcrest High staff. Most are just excited that a four day weekend is coming up. At lunch I run into some hostility, the very bad subject of politics (this is a public school), which in an environment like this, is usually very educational, although I don’t agree with many of their ideas (since many of them are liberal, and just laugh at anything else, and they say they are open to all suggestions), I do learn much from the discussions.

Today though, I decided to join in on the fun after them talking about how President Bush, since day one, has been after Iraq. I decided to speak up, and said, I don’t think we are going to go to war, and so they erupted in laughter and told me that I was “soooo” naive w/o letting me finish my thought, they then drill me how like every other American, who doesn’t know anything and pay attention to only the mainstream media. Then they referred to this stupid article @ here of which I believe is just left-wing paranoia. First of all, we (the people I work with) all work for the Government, and know how hard it is to do anything with out everyone knowing. Second, we know that in our little educational world, we know what is going on, and we do things for a reason; so if you were in charge of the United States (although the president isn’t really fully in charge, read the constitution if you don’t believe me), I would assume that you know the details of what is going on, therefore you make the decisions. Fourth, every single one of us is human, so we all make mistakes, maybe President Bush made some mistakes, in some people’s opinion, but the majority of people have no real idea why our Government makes the decisions they do, I would assume, just like you and I, they know the information to make those choices. The Government is not going to collect all the information from every single person in the US, first of all this is just impossible, and second you can’t keep accurate details even a single person over the course of one year. I almost wanted to ask them if they had something to hide. So, anyway now I know their true opinion of me, and how fake a lot of people are. Of course maybe our Government is fake, maybe, but people in large groups with power, are dumb, unless they are seeking the will of Jesus Christ.

I will continue to explain myself on this topic as the days and weeks go on, for now, I’m tired.

One thing I learned today: Worship God in everything you do, even when you’re insulted, you’ll come out ahead, they wanted a reaction, and ended up apologizing.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Lord, I lift your name on high! Our God is an amazing God!

I continue for your guidance with my trip to Poland, start to use me now. Help me to remember the tasks I need to do. Thank you Lord.

I lift my friends to you Lord, that they continue to seek and to know that you ARE GOD. I ask for direction in their lives and I praise you for all you have done in their lives.

I lift four special friends of Christ to you lord, One in China, One in Antarctica, One in Australia and the other in Canada. They are four very special brothers and sisters of Christ, I ask for you to make them feel at home as much as possible, and I ask for you to give the opportunity to reach many for you with your love.

I ask for you to remove the sin that I am bound to. Thank you Lord.

I ask for wisdom when speaking with my co-workers, I ask for YOUR LIGHT to shine through me and all the Christians in our organization! May YOU be glorified.

I ask for change, change in our schools and in the hearts of all who work for them, I ask for the students to show your love and for the students to shine with your love. You are the most accepting one of all, you do not condemn people for what they can not control, and everyone can control their sins and their heart.

I must repent, change, of my sins, and I ask for you to help me in these three areas, sexual desires/thoughts, honesty/attention wanting, and work ethic/laziness. Thank you Lord.

I give you THANKS for everything! Friends, Family, Co-workers, my job, my life, my clothes, my cat, my car, my apartment, my mom, my dad, my brother, my brothers and sisters of Christ Jesus.

Respect for Authority… [Romans 13:1-7]

Obey the government, for God is the one who put it there. All governments have been placed in power by God. So those who refuse to obey the laws of the land are refusing to obey God, and punishment will follow. For the authorities do not frighten people who are doing right, but they frighten those who do wrong. So do what they say, and you will get along well. The authorities are sent by God to help you. But if you are doing something wrong, of course you should be afraid, for you will be punished. The authorities are established by God for that very purpose, to punish those who do wrong. So you must obey the government for two reasons: to keep from being punished and to keep a clear conscience.

Pay your taxes, too, for these same reasons. For government workers need to be paid so they can keep on doing the work God intended them to do. Give to everyone what you owe them: Pay your taxes and import duties, and give respect and honor to all to whom it is due.

-= footnotes =-

13:1 Are there times when we should not obey the government. We should never allow government to force us to disobey God. Jesus and his apostles never disobeyed the government for personal reasons; when they disobeyed, it was in order to follow God’s moral standards. Their disobedience was not cheap: They were threatened, beaten, thrown into jail, tortured, and executed for their convictions. Like them, if we are compelled to disobey, we must be ready to accept the consequences.

13:1ff Christians understand Romans 13 in different ways. All Christians agree that we are to live at peace with the state as long as the state allows us to live by our religious convictions. For hundreds of years, however, there have been at least three interpretations of how we are to do this:

1 Some Christians believe that the state is so corrupt that Christians should have as little to do with it as possible. Although they should be good citizens as long as they can do so without compromising their beliefs, they should not work for the government, vote in elections, or serve in the military.

2 Others believe that God has given the state authority in certain areas and the church authority in others. Christians can be loyal to both and can work for either. They should not, however, confuse the two. In this view, church and state are concerned with two totally different spheres — the spiritual and the physical — and thus complement each other but do not work together.

3 Still others believe that Christians have a responsibility to make the state better. They can do this politically, be electing Christian or other high-principled leaders. they can also do this morally, by serving as an influence for good in society. In this view, church and state ideally work together for the good of all.

None of these views advocate rebelling against or refusing to obey the government’s laws or regulations unless those laws clearly require you to violate the moral standards revealed by God. Wherever we find ourselves, we must be responsible citizens, as well as responsible Christians.

This morning I fell.

This morning I fell. I feel like I’m in a trap which is impossible to get out of. The temptation is just too great. For I know my father has given me the power to remove myself, but I myself, keep falling. I know it is wrong when making the choice. I justify it in my mind, but my heart refuses to justify it. For on my heart is written right and wrong.

Then I fell again. I know I should just get up and go, but I’m too lazy, and the bed is much to warm. The clock says it is 58, in my room! So I sit there, letting all kinds of thoughts enter my head. Finally after I fall, I remove myself and get ready for the day, I was suppose to be at work by 7:00am, but I left for work at 9:40am. Why do I do this, because I’m lazy and have no one to question where I am.

On my way to work, I beat myself up for these fallings. Soon after, the CD I’m listening to runs out, and the next one comes on. It is worship, and it reminds me that I am forgiven; I need to forgive myself. Although I continue to repeat this pattern of “morning” sickness, I also know that my Father will forgive me. When I get to work, I take up my list of things to do, and I do them, and I actually try to not shortcut like I’ve been doing recently. I’ve been wanting to do my tasks as if I’m doing them for the Lord, but I find myself in a zone when I arrive at work.

I need to be accountable, that is why I have started this Blog. I have created a “virtual” accountability. For anyone who wants to read this, hold me accountable. If you read this, and see other patterns which do not fit into Christ’s character, please feel free to tell me, for we are in this journey only to become closer to Christ, and more like him. We are also in this journey to share the love of Christ to others, and to do that, we need to be challenged.

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Lord you are the most high, nothing can be put higher than you! Even your name is the most awesome thing known to man. I ask all that follows in your name…

I have been writing drafts of my support letter for my mission trip to Poland. I am having anxiety over the response of my co-workers and some of my family. I pray for people to understand the joy I hope to show the young adults of Poland.

I pray for my “fellowship” of friends, I pray that they continue to seek and to know God as he is.

I pray for one particular friend, I ask for this friend to be overwhelmed by God’s presence. I pray for direction, and for this friend to see the love of friendship, although it may hurt right now.

I pray for another specific friend, I ask for direction in relationships and in self esteem.

I pray for my family, to ask and to know that HE IS GOD. To find his love, hope, and joy.

I pray for me and all of my brothers and sisters of Christ Jesus, that the Holy Spirit take control, fan the flames within our souls, take control, strong fire burn, burn deep within our souls.

Lord, I ask for change… change our bad habits. I repent of the sins I’ve done, you know my heart Lord, it is steadfast for you oh Lord, but I keep on falling into the same sin, I am stuck, help.

Lord, I give thanks to you. For only you truly know where I am, I thank you for this blogger deal, it forces me to think about you. Lord, I have had an awesome life, thus far, and I share with you everything I do, what I do is yours.

Freedom from Rules and New life in Christ? [Colossians 2:6-23]

And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to live in obedience to him. Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let you lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done.

Don’t let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil power of this world, and not from Christ. For in Christ the fullness of God lives in a human body, and you are complete through your union with Christ. He is the Lord over every ruler and authority in the universe.

When you came to Christ, you were circumcised, but not by a physical procedure. It was a spiritual procedure, the cutting away of your sinful nature. For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to a new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead.

You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins. He canceled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ’s cross. In this way, God disarmed the evil rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross of Christ.

So don’t let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new-moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules were only shadows of the real thing, Christ himself. Don’t let anyone condemn you by insisting on self-denial. And don’t let anyone say you must worship angels, even though they say they have had visions about this. These people claim to be so humble, but their sinful minds have made them proud. But they are not connected to Christ, the head of the body. For we are joined together in his body by his strong sinews, and we grow only as we get our nourishment and strength from God.

You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from evil powers of this world. So why do you keep on following rules of the world, such as, don’t handle, don’t eat, don’t touch. Such rules are mere human teaching about things that are gone as soon as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility, and severe bodily discipline. But they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires.