food for fish | encouragment
Life
Pseudo Military Dream
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Back in October I had a very strange dream that I was going to share on here, and well, sadly, I’ve once again neglected this little space of the Internet that I own. So, without further ado I’ll give a play-by-play account of this dream. Any dream interpreters out there?
ACT I
Now either this first part was a completely separate dream, or just a strange seemingly unrelated beginning…. it starts out with me, my daughter, and my bride at my parents house with the rest of my mom’s family for some kind of holiday get together, suddenly my Grandma says she needs to take care of some animals, Alexis volunteers to help her, and they take off.
ACT II
I get up and go, and am walking around with an ex-coworker (who at the time was a current coworker) at some kind of semi-festival, we watch watch as a group of pseudo military guys and girls in uniform do some kind of very rehearsed routine of choreographed exercises (like a cross between a high school color guard and dance team). They stop and we realize the group just learned these routines an hour or so before, and it’s some kind of competition.
My coworker talks me into doing this, and so I volunteer for the next round (knowing there wasn’t much time until the next round starts), while changing into the uniform I run out of time, but I wasn’t told there was a time limit, or missed the memo, I get yelled at by a drill Sargent kind of guy in public, who continues to humiliate me while I frantically change back into my regular clothes. I’m upset and embarrassed, and frustrated at myself.
ACT IV
After quickly changing back into my own clothes we appear to located right next to some kind of cafeteria, in this cafeteria we run into Alexis (my bride), a friend of hers, and some other friend of my coworker. Also in the cafeteria is an old family member who Alexis and I haven’t had a lot of contact with due to some relational upheaval in recent years, this causes us to say our hellos and “miss ya” then be on our way.
ACT V
We all (minus the old family member) decide to leave, and apparently the only way “out” is on a ferry boat, a passenger only ferry. As we are waiting in line, Alexis and her friend are talking and having fun, not paying much attention (nor even really near me and the guys). I’m beginning to get sexually advanced on by my coworker (who, in no way, in real life ever even hinted at such a thing) and his friend (also male, but unknown to me) – they are serious about talking me into a threesome… immediately I think about stuff from my youth, and decide this isn’t going to happen again.
As the ferry approaches, we all begin to board, and I decide to run and get as far away from these guys as possible. As I run aboard the ship, I run for the bow (we boarded at the stern), turns out there’s a five-star restaurant at the front, and I must sit down NOW, or else by kicked out. So I sit down, soon I learn all the patrons are AIDS victims from all over the world (probably about 50 people). I order a meal, eat it, then excuse myself and find my wife and her friend in another section of the boat, sit down and tell them about the AIDS victims, we pray (I don’t remember what the prayer was about), then I wake up.
The dream place
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The picture above may not look like much to you, but it’s part of the dream I (and my wife, Alexis) have. It’s part of the dream given to us years ago by God to be missionaries to Poland (to learn more what our missions is visit REACH Polska). The dream for us is focused around people, and that apartment building pictured above is a tangible representation of the mission. From time to time Alexis and I look at possible places to live in Krakow, for that final day where we are launched into the promise land. On our last trip there as a family, we went to different neighborhoods in Krakow, and that apartment building above is from one of the places we visited.
As with every marriage, there’s a number of things that Alexis and I have our disagreements over… but one of the areas where we are in line with each other, is the kind of place we want to live. Because our mission is people focused, we want to live where the people are. In Poland, and especially in large cities like Kraków, the people live in apartments, quite nice ones – these are not your standard cookie-cutter American sub-burban apartment complexes. These apartments are really more what we call condominiums, they are built to own.
And because we also believe in being sustainable Christians, stewards of of what we have been given, we will be living car-less, which is quite possible in Kraków. When needed we’ll rent a car, or join a car-sharing program (if one exists), but we’ll mostly get around by foot, bike (Kraków does have a bike-sharing program), and transit. We are very excited about this kind of lifestyle, and know that it will open up opportunities to meet our neighbors, and others, and build new friendships quickly and naturally.
There’s a few requirements our little place in the city will need, one a balcony, and hopefully a fairly large one, we like balconies, and we like plants, so a balcony is a must. Second, we need to be near a park – Poles like parks, and especially in a city we know we’ll meet people there on a regular basis, and of course Emma and our other future children will love it too. Thirdly, a spare room, we know we’ll be hosting people, and having a spare room (which will double as a meeting/office space as well) is a must in providing the ultimate in Polish hospitality. Even if we don’t have all these things at once, we know that our city living will be exciting and beneficial for expanding the Kingdom in new and different ways.
Rubiks cube generation?
03 months ago
A few days ago I was on the train heading into work, there were a couple of ladies a generation or so ahead of myself who were talking about “kids these days”. I would like to say they were talking about the great possibilities… sorry, instead they were more concerned with the fact that all “they” do is complain, demand, and “play” with their iPhones and technology. Alas… I feel like many of “them” in “that” generation are like a Rubiks cube… with every turn you’re further away from the solution.
These ladies continued to talk about how they were afraid for their futures, how both had children that would probably “stick them” into nursing homes, or worse “let them die in their homes and no one would know until a few bills went unpaid” – they actually laughed at that… I was beginning to wonder if they even noticed I was near them… probably not. This conversation continued all the way in (about 40 min) – and let’s just say, the only thing positive they had to say was “at least they know how to make themselves happy”.
There’s so much out of this conversation that I wanted to puke at, some of it generally “true”, some of it is their own perception and experience (and sad ones at that), but mostly I wondered how much of it was self perpetuated… considering I see the generation(s) ahead of me jumping at the opportunity to mentor us all the time (sarcasm). However, I know “we” can’t be all that fast to blame either… as I know I certainly haven’t jumped up and said “pick me, I want to be mentored” all that quickly – although I do hope for it…
It seems there’s a paradox at work here… “we” want “them” to ask, and “they” want “us” to ask… not gunna happen very quicly if we’re both expecting/wanting the other “side” to ask… Sure, there’s a lot of trust to work on, but someone’s gotta make the move! I’ve made a few baby steps recently, but gosh, do I feel small and insignificant (which isn’t true… it’s a feeling though) when it comes to my “place” in the world after hearing that conversation (and other tidbits from time to time in other places).
Sustainable Christianity
13 months ago
Created to sustain?
Genesis 1:26-31 [NLT] Then God said, “Let us make human beingst in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” 29 Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. 30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.
If the above passage isn’t one of the most “green” passages of the Bible, then I don’t know what is. I’m tired of American, suburban, “mainstream”, evangelical, “conservative”, “Christianity”. I love the Church, but I don’t love the stereo-type “Christianity” that is so prevalent in America, and unfortunately has a loud (and humiliating) voice. As a Christian I see nothing in scripture (nor do I ever hear from God) about politics, lifestyles, or a myriad of other “campaigns” our American evangelical “christian” circles tend to stand (quite strongly) behind.
The translation I used in the passage above uses the word “govern”, other translations say “subdue”, “rule”, “have dominion”, “be it’s master” – etc. It doesn’t say “strip it”, “rape it”, “be greedy and multiply”, “destroy and conquer”, or any other number of things that some of my brothers and sisters would never admit to, but support through their campaigns and political nonsense.
Now, I could continue on and be very critical, and beat up on my fellow believers… many of whom are my friends as well. But instead, I want to point out that I believe (and am convicted and urged by the Holy Spirit) to do my best in sustaining what resources we have (both natural, and human). We, as a Church, should support (and am convinced we are obligated) fair and green trade initiatives where possible and sustainable. The Church should be in support of moving our people around (read: public transit) efficiently, sharing resources where possible (Acts 4:32-37), and realize that we were created to sustain the planet, not abuse it.
There’s a lot of talk about this subject, for now though, I will do what I can.. because ONE (or three) does matter and make a difference. We are working our way to living in a place where we can live as we were created, and govern our lives in a way according to how we were created. Living near our friends, our church, our work; shopping near by from local/fair sources; using renewable sources to power our lives; reusing/recycling what we have; and reducing our footprint in more than just carbon emissions.
Once we were children
03 months ago
A few weeks ago we were walking with Emma in her stroller to an annual “teddy bear parade” that Gresham puts on each year. It was a sunny day and we had a lot of fun. I made a number of observances that day, mostly around how adults and children perceive the world. A few of Jesus’ teachings came to mind, “be as children” and “have faith like a child”… The way that children (ones whose Love tanks are full, and free of most trauma) view the world and live is simple, usually one-tracked, and clear.
About a week after that parade I was walking home from something from downtown Gresham, and needed to cross a busy street, one of the same crossings where just the weekend before we were crossing with Emma. On that first crossing the cars stopped for us almost immediately, and my happy family of three crossed without incident. Attempting to cross the street alone, well that’s another story. I waited a good three or four minutes for someone to stop and let me cross (there’s no light/crossing signal at this particular crossing)… I’m glad that people prioritize children and families when stopping at crosswalks, but what is it about our society that an adult man has to nearly step into cross traffic to get people to stop so he can cross a street?
I realize that people are generally not as cautious about adults as they are with children (this is most likely a natural response) – but why are we so callous against our fellow adults? What if we did view each other as children? Would we see a difference? Would the negativity and jaded attitudes go away? I’m not really that bothered by my own little experience, it just highlighted something about our culture, our human nature. After all, we were all once children – why allow life to jade our vision of each other?
As a Christian there’s a lot this life presents us with, and in the end, I truly believe seeing every person as a child truly helps bring clarity when relating to other humans. The world is a truly messed up place, nothing really makes sense, but on an individual level, a whole lot makes sense when we see each other as children.
Feeling disorganized
04 months ago
I hate feeling disorganized, out of sorts, disconnected, or any number of feelings along those lines. Recently I have felt like my thoughts are incomplete, not quite what I wanted, and mostly just ramblings. I feel things, but I can’t express them – but then when I try, it’s just sorta anti-climatic…
It’s probably my own expectations not being met… on myself… that’s a fun one. Now that I think about it, these feelings are all too familiar… insecurity… man I hate that, it’s humbling. But the more I think about it, and the more I hunt out the crap and lies and realize the truth, the more I don’t have to deal with these feelings and live life as I should – a life-infused follower of Jesus, with nothing to fear because I have never-ending life!
I like ideals, I live by them, and many times it’s these same ideals that get me so frustrated, but I know that if I continue to have faith in the giver of these ideals (of which they are all based on living out my values, which are based on being a child of God) then I will see the harvest. It’s a lot of patience, and so often I feel it’s fruitless and won’t change anything, but I know deep down it will change and it will make a significant difference – even when many around me don’t think so.
I can’t give up, I won’t, not because I think there’s a bigger prize… but because I know living this way is far better than not having hope. Even when it’s hard to get out, hard to explain, or just isn’t received with the excitement I would like (also read, as, met with a matching excitement, yes I too like to feel validated).
Happiness…
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Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine and the topic of “what makes you happy” came up… Well there’s a lot of “things” that make me happy… but many times I discount them as “superficial”, unimportant to the goals I have set out in life. They are little things, like having a nice drink anytime I want, getting “frou frou” coffees whenever, going out with my wife whenever, buying new clothes… all things that take money, which we seem to never have enough of.
Of course, with enough money, I can be as happy as I want, right? Well, not really, because there really are only a few things that make me truly happy, the kind that brings the tears. Guess, what? Each of these things are highly relational, spending time with just Alexis, Emma, and/or both of them. Being with friends and family for meaningful conversations. Connecting with God during amazing worship services.
But the one that drives me, and yet evades me, is seeing people come to know Jesus, not the religion, but coming to a realization that He is their Lord, the person who can take all the burdens of this world. Jesus is the answer, and yet so hard for us truly accept. Seeing people encounter Jesus for the first time, actually just seeing people encounter Jesus at all (weather the first time or the millionth) brings the most joy to my heart.
Yet, this one amazing thing can also cause so much heartache, constantly seeking to see people for who they are, passing no judgement, but knowing there could be such a different life, a never-ending purpose driven life. Seeing people’s faces, hearing their stories, seeing and hearing the heartache every day. If only people knew their true identity.
So, I realize, as long as I focus on this joy, the things that come and go in life do not matter so much. Seek His kingdom first, and we shall inherit the earth, quite literally! Now that’s something to work for, to put effort into, and along the way I’ll continue to do my best, make course corrections, and connect with people as deeply as possible with intention.
No performance
04 months ago
One thing that I lose sight of so often is the awesomeness in the fact that I don’t have to perform, anything, at all, zero, for God. All I need to do is love Him and let Him love me. It’s in His love that I find discipline, repentance, forgiveness, humility, and servitude. To enjoy God in this way is great, but when I get pulled into the “faith by works” cycle it’s no wonder I lose who I am… there’s no freedom.
The worse place for me to feel the performance preasure is the “God talks” with co-workers, for some reason the performance button gets pushed, normally I play it cool, but I certainly don’t feel the anointing, or power, or eloquence that I do in other parts of my life. This performance button turns on fear too, it’s all tied together.
Time to relax, remember who I am, and know I can have the same confidence I have with my “job” as I do with my call. I didn’t gain that confidence over night, but I know that it’s here in me. Some prayer, some truth, and some worship for this area of my walk and I’ll be good to go… or at least falling forward!
The trouble thoughts
04 months ago
It’s always so much “fun” recovering from days where the performance button is pushed. Today was like that for me, nothing major, but just a few minor mistakes leading me to feel frustrated with myself.
In an environment with multiple simultaneous demands, interruptions, and the need for accuracy to save my poor co-workers from confusion and frustration, I have a hard time hitting the spot all the time. Worst of all is when it happens multiple times.
The trick in these scenarios is stepping into the truth that I’m just human, mistakes happen, I’ll slow down, make adjustments where needed and move on. My identity is not tied to my performance, this is a truth that is FAR harder to live out, and it’s one that I encounter all the time. If I want an easy way to stress out, be mad, be more frustrated, and treat poeple as non-human, it’s forgetting this vital truth.
When I get in the groove of performance then I actually start making more mistakes, covering them up, making excuses, and really just cause more problems. It’s a huge snow ball effect, one I don’t recommended….
My identity, and the original and true identity of all, is within the Kingdom, where Jesus says we are his children, and by that alone we are righteous, pure, and good. Getting into the Kingdom is not a performance game, so living as a citizen of His Kingdom requires nothing but unconditionally loving Him, loving others, and loving myself.
Listen, it’s always best.
04 months ago
So, I had wrote a rather long post about stepping into the Kingdom and how it takes knowing your true identity…. but you see… I didn’t listen.
Right after finishing it up on my phone, I had a momentary “thought” to save it as a draft. But instead I went looking for a good picture to compliment the post…. well now I have no post because I didn’t listen to that voice, that very kind and gentleman like voice, that told me I should save a draft first… because as soon as I found that “perfect” picture. CRASH, WordPress said “force closed”. End of story, game over.
You see, I actually had as feeling that I should wrote about listening earlier… but I didn’t really “feel” it… instead I had a great idea to pontificate about some idealistic thing like Kingdom living… well, the King gets His way. He was nice about it though, I’ll hit up the link on Kingdom living and identity soon enough.
Two weekends ago I was engaged in a worship experience that was just right… love, truth, and grace flowed into my spirit, perfect until… that darn voice.
The voice said “there’s a ripe group here, the harvest is now”. Oh man! I knew it, and he asked me to get that message to the speaker. I stalled, big time. The speaker was no less than 20 feet from me, worshipping as well, my heart was quick… but I was nervous… not exactly walking in my identity.
A song or two went on and then, it happened, the nice gentleman (AKA, God, our King) apparently laid the same message on our worship leader too. Dave (our worship leader) began praying for those that were ready to know Jesus. I knew I needed to still emphasize that prayer to Arlin (our pastor speaking that service)… but I never did. Even when I told my wife, and she gently encouraged me, something was frozen in me.
I know what I should have done, and I had an hour or so of “grrr I should have…..”, thankfully I also heard Him say “I still did my work”… and I’m sure He meant in me and in the ones who were ripe. Next time!
