Ministry – No Small Talk

Emma

Emma will be four on April 9th and it is incredibly hard to imagine life without her, so cliche, but it really just wouldn’t be the same. She’s a super happy, well behaved, very loving, and amazing girl. She entertains herself and also plays with other kids very well, she enjoys both adults and kids her age and is a social butterfly.

I’m bias but I think she’s “perfect” in all the ways we pre-conceive for children… sure she has her moments, she argues, she whines, she does all the things kids do, but in the end she is my princess. When I think about her I rarely think negative thoughts, except maybe when I’ve just sad down on a peed on couch… and even then love is not in question.

I’ve learned so much about life, God, and humanity through this little four year old, her silliness, bed-time stalls, and temper tantrums all included. We love going on walks together, smelling the flowers, the trees (like above), and she loves just watching ducks swim around in a pond and being peaceful. Yet, then when’s with her friends she’s bouncing off the walls, running around, and having a blast, we love that she can adjust to her surrounds so well. She’s certainly thought this daddy many things about how God must feel and see us, and since we’re created in his image, it can only be that much greater!

Why I never dated

There’s really only three reasons why I never dated, and when I finally decided to enter into a relationship with Alexis, I decided to “court” her instead. The first reason was all about being intentional, I had intentions, if I was going to “date” it was going to be with the intent to see if marriage was the real deal for us. Second, I wanted to make sure we had shared our callings, that they were compatible, and about serving the Kingdom. Lastly, to ensure there was honor and respect in our relationship, that it wasn’t just about “having” the girl, or “being” the man – that I was honestly seeking to honor her in my actions, and her actions honored me – and through we gave respect to one another.

Intentionality is a word that I put a lot of focus on, I always desire that my actions have a real intention to them, that’s it’s not just “going through the motions” and so I decided I didn’t want to date – dating was like “trying” on clothes and didn’t really seem fair to anyone – humanity has enough problems, I don’t need to be nonchalant in my relationships, and certainly not someone I may end up marrying! So I was intentional, I wouldn’t date, instead I would court – seek to understand a person at their deepest parts (of course I had zero idea how to do this, and in my young pride thought I was so great)… that didn’t really happen well – but I tried, the heart counts!

Another thing I tried very seriously to understand was Alexis’ calling, what she felt God leading her to do, what she thought she was gifted in, etc. Again, something I was far to idealistic about, I probably put more pressure on her than was necessarily good, but in the end I certainly made a point that I was serious about what God was telling me! It was during our courtship that I heard the Lord tell me I would be a pastor – almost nine years later I’m not quite a pastor by “title” but I know it’s where I’m headed. As for her, she’s got an amazing heart for the world, for people, and for serving the Kingdom and seeing people awaken to the Kingdom life.

Then comes what I consider the most important piece giving honor and respect to the relationship, not just to the person you’re courting, but the relationship itself, don’t go fast, explore, learn, grow. I know, it’s wishy washy, and you might be burning with “lust”. Don’t awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4) let it mature, let others give you advice and wisdom, be transparent from the beginning, and when love finally arrives you’ll know it, more than ever. Every couple will look different, but I’ve never seen a couple who gave respect and honor to the relationship by allowing God to teach and the Church to cultivate (a healthy circle of Kingdom friends/mentors) blow up into a statistic – they’ve either maturely went their ways or entered into a marriage built on a foundation of trust, respect, and honor – which is hard to break apart, even when someone makes big mistakes.

Urban co-housing, we could do this!

< Daybreak Cohousing in Portland - Common areas aren't used a couple times a year, they are focal points for community interaction - click to enlarge; photo by Grace Kim > — < Daybreak Cohousing in Prtland - Common areas aren't used a couple times a year, they are focal points for community interaction - click to visit original article on citytank; photo by Grace Kim >

Urban shared living communities are a very fascinating idea to me; the modern “commune” (now being referred to as “co-housing”)is far from our typical hippy era picture we usually hear about. Today’s living communities focus on the idea supporting one another, and doing the most with the least, rather than being “lead” by a single person, these new communities focus on group decision making and putting the good and needs of the group ahead of the wants of the individual, while still respecting the individual dignity and privacy. I came across a fascinating article about some communities here in the Pacific Northwest and elsewhere (I strongly recommend reading the article). I also know of some friends from our Seattle days who live in a small Christian shared living home with two other families. When Alexis and I were interns, we had our own mini version of this, with a men’s house and a women’s house across the street from each other, we shared meals together, and did chores together – being mostly young, raised middle-class, and suburban dwelling people – it was rather dramatic, yet we bonded in ways only possible from co-housing.

These communities are not “hostel” style, each family has their own living space with bedrooms, bathrooms, living room, and possibly a kitchen as well, and circumstances differ from community to community. Most communities make a point to share a meal or two each week, split up the community maintenance, and help one another out. What I found the most intriguing is that 40% of people living in these kinds of communities said they regularly gave financial support to their neighbors when in need far more than when they lived in our traditional self-contained fashion. Of course living in close proximity with others has its ups and downs; however I believe the benefits far outweigh the shortcomings.

These new communities are not removed from society, rather they are integrated into the fabric of the urban life, in the midst of our dense city neighborhoods where people can easily get to work, grocery shop, and interact with humanity. This sounds a lot like “the good old days” where people valued other people, and more than that, it sounds quite close to something we can read in Acts 2:42-47. This is an idea I can get behind, intentionally living together, sharing resources, taking care of one another, and letting iron sharpen iron.

Maybe someday we’ll be able to buy an apartment building and turn it into one of these living communities, and not just open to other Christians, but rather a mix, and have it be an opportunity to be a light house to others and our community. The idea is huge, but I’m ok with those now, since our call to Poland will no doubt reflect many of these values, maybe we’ll start something in Kraków along these lines? I know plenty of young adults and families who would probably jump into an idea like this fairly easily – a built in support network, yes, make it so.

The path of least resistence

Something I observe multiple times throughout my week is that people fall into two camps, either they are “go getters” or “resisters” and in most cases, people attempt to take the “path of least resistance”. In nearly every job or role I’ve been placed in I’ve seen this phenomenon, and I’m guilty of it as well… “what’s the easiest, fastest, and most ‘avoidant’ way of getting X done?” and man it irks me. It seems to be an especially strong disease throughout my generation.

This is even stronger when it comes to relational dynamics, I see it so many times, people going to all kinds of lengths to avoid a possible “conflict” or “situation” – in my mind though, this kind of avoidance makes waters down our relationships, and actually breaks down the desire for strong friendships and family that we actually want. It certainly takes guts to overcome our cultural boundaries, and most of the time takes courage since most of us have not been shown how to healthily confront awkward (or simply saying no) situations.

A lot of the time when I’m faced with the decision to resist or “go get it” I have to ask myself, what is the pro-relationship path I could take? What will build up the relationship? What decision might tear it down, or leave it flat? As a person who looks to Jesus for direction, I usually can’t choose to skim past a relation-building choice… (of course if it’s unhealthy and not safe, then that’s another ball-game which actually might be just as challenging to make the choice to step away from a relationship). Often times I find myself wanting to avoid talking to someone because it’s harder than just making my own choice to “skim on by with what’s acceptable” – however, I’m not so sure this is how Jesus goes about ministering to us, and I want to reflect this. I want to go above just the “satisfactory” and I want to be a servant, even when it’s not exactly pleasant for me.

Titles….

I respect people, and I respect what people do, their choices, what they’ve accomplished, and what they’ve “earned” – all great. However, that doesn’t, in my opinion, belong in the Church. It’s fine outside, where it is useful to know the title of a person because it describes and defines what that person is responsible for.

But in the Kingdom, also known as the Church, I have a hard time with titles. Mostly because, unlike outside the Church, people attach so much “esteem” and “authority” to the people with titles. Most of these ideas behind the “titles” are completely void of biblical character, it’s simply a mimic of the rest of the world around us. Even using “earned” titles in the Church, is a bit bothersome to me – like “Dr. Bob” – while, yes, you may be a doctor – does that title really mean anything, does it mean I should listen more? Should I take your words more seriously over my brother’s? Shouldn’t I test the doctor’s words w/ the spirit’s? – YES.

Yes, the Bible describes certain roles, and we absolutely should understand as individuals what role we play in the Church – these are the gifts to the Church Paul describes in Ephesians (the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers). Each of these roles are servant roles, not positions to obtain and gain authority, but positions which are prescribed by God and confirmed through relationship. We’ve been so trained to be sheep and remain “just” sheep, rather than be sheep with a purpose and personal ministry.

Our culture puts far too much weight (in responsibility, in authority, and praise) on titles in and out of the Church. However, in the Church we should all be servants, regardless of title, if we can’t serve one another, how will we serve the world? Thankfully many churches have began to realize this, and have downgraded the old school titles into appropriate helping verbs or descriptions… and instead of introducing the pastor as “Hello my name is Pastor Joe” we’re hearing “Hi, my name is Joe, one of your lead pastors”.

Just like the rest of us, our titles are not who we are – we are children of God, not Pastors, Prophets, Teachers… we are all children – who have special callings.

The dream place

The picture above may not look like much to you, but it’s part of the dream I (and my wife, Alexis) have. It’s part of the dream given to us years ago by God to be missionaries to Poland (to learn more what our missions is visit REACH Polska). The dream for us is focused around people, and that apartment building pictured above is a tangible representation of the mission. From time to time Alexis and I look at possible places to live in Krakow, for that final day where we are launched into the promise land. On our last trip there as a family, we went to different neighborhoods in Krakow, and that apartment building above is from one of the places we visited.

As with every marriage, there’s a number of things that Alexis and I have our disagreements over… but one of the areas where we are in line with each other, is the kind of place we want to live. Because our mission is people focused, we want to live where the people are. In Poland, and especially in large cities like Kraków, the people live in apartments, quite nice ones – these are not your standard cookie-cutter American sub-burban apartment complexes. These apartments are really more what we call condominiums, they are built to own.

And because we also believe in being sustainable Christians, stewards of of what we have been given, we will be living car-less, which is quite possible in Kraków. When needed we’ll rent a car, or join a car-sharing program (if one exists), but we’ll mostly get around by foot, bike (Kraków does have a bike-sharing program), and transit. We are very excited about this kind of lifestyle, and know that it will open up opportunities to meet our neighbors, and others, and build new friendships quickly and naturally.

There’s a few requirements our little place in the city will need, one a balcony, and hopefully a fairly large one, we like balconies, and we like plants, so a balcony is a must. Second, we need to be near a park – Poles like parks, and especially in a city we know we’ll meet people there on a regular basis, and of course Emma and our other future children will love it too. Thirdly, a spare room, we know we’ll be hosting people, and having a spare room (which will double as a meeting/office space as well) is a must in providing the ultimate in Polish hospitality. Even if we don’t have all these things at once, we know that our city living will be exciting and beneficial for expanding the Kingdom in new and different ways.

Sustainable Christianity

Created to sustain?

Genesis 1:26-31 [NLT] Then God said, “Let us make human beingst in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” 29 Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. 30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.

If the above passage isn’t one of the most “green” passages of the Bible, then I don’t know what is. I’m tired of American, suburban, “mainstream”, evangelical, “conservative”, “Christianity”. I love the Church, but I don’t love the stereo-type “Christianity” that is so prevalent in America, and unfortunately has a loud (and humiliating) voice. As a Christian I see nothing in scripture (nor do I ever hear from God) about politics, lifestyles, or a myriad of other “campaigns” our American evangelical “christian” circles tend to stand (quite strongly) behind.

The translation I used in the passage above uses the word “govern”, other translations say “subdue”, “rule”, “have dominion”, “be it’s master” – etc. It doesn’t say “strip it”, “rape it”, “be greedy and multiply”, “destroy and conquer”, or any other number of things that some of my brothers and sisters would never admit to, but support through their campaigns and political nonsense.

Now, I could continue on and be very critical, and beat up on my fellow believers… many of whom are my friends as well. But instead, I want to point out that I believe (and am convicted and urged by the Holy Spirit) to do my best in sustaining what resources we have (both natural, and human). We, as a Church, should support (and am convinced we are obligated) fair and green trade initiatives where possible and sustainable. The Church should be in support of moving our people around (read: public transit) efficiently, sharing resources where possible (Acts 4:32-37), and realize that we were created to sustain the planet, not abuse it.

There’s a lot of talk about this subject, for now though, I will do what I can.. because ONE (or three) does matter and make a difference. We are working our way to living in a place where we can live as we were created, and govern our lives in a way according to how we were created. Living near our friends, our church, our work; shopping near by from local/fair sources; using renewable sources to power our lives; reusing/recycling what we have; and reducing our footprint in more than just carbon emissions.

Happiness…

Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine and the topic of “what makes you happy” came up… Well there’s a lot of “things” that make me happy… but many times I discount them as “superficial”, unimportant to the goals I have set out in life. They are little things, like having a nice drink anytime I want, getting “frou frou” coffees whenever, going out with my wife whenever, buying new clothes… all things that take money, which we seem to never have enough of.

Of course, with enough money, I can be as happy as I want, right? Well, not really, because there really are only a few things that make me truly happy, the kind that brings the tears. Guess, what? Each of these things are highly relational, spending time with just Alexis, Emma, and/or both of them. Being with friends and family for meaningful conversations. Connecting with God during amazing worship services.

But the one that drives me, and yet evades me, is seeing people come to know Jesus, not the religion, but coming to a realization that He is their Lord, the person who can take all the burdens of this world. Jesus is the answer, and yet so hard for us truly accept. Seeing people encounter Jesus for the first time, actually just seeing people encounter Jesus at all (weather the first time or the millionth) brings the most joy to my heart.

Yet, this one amazing thing can also cause so much heartache, constantly seeking to see people for who they are, passing no judgement, but knowing there could be such a different life, a never-ending purpose driven life. Seeing people’s faces, hearing their stories, seeing and hearing the heartache every day. If only people knew their true identity.

So, I realize, as long as I focus on this joy, the things that come and go in life do not matter so much. Seek His kingdom first, and we shall inherit the earth, quite literally! Now that’s something to work for, to put effort into, and along the way I’ll continue to do my best, make course corrections, and connect with people as deeply as possible with intention.

The stifled drive

This is a continuation of my last post, after a few days of mulling things over I have realized one of the core frustration points in my life… I feel stifled… unfortunately (as is usually the case) I’m not in control (heh, that seems to be how this world is set up). However, I have given these frustrations a lot of thought and prayer and have come to terms with them. I have huge dreams and hopes to make a difference in this world, I don’t really care to be “someone” remembered, I just want to consistently make a difference in people’s lives. I have put a lot of my hopes, dreams, and ambitions into pleasing others – that’s not my goal, so that’s my first term to a different direction. Recently, a friend of mine has been encouraging the boldness factor in me, I find boldness from time to time, I just wish I could sustain it. Too often my boldness disappears because I don’t like to argue, and many times it seems most people just want to go on without seeing another side – so I think to myself “what’s the point of trying.”

I guess part of the issue is that it takes a lot of energy to actually care, the funny thing with me is that I care so much, that I exhaust myself “caring” before I can even express the love. This is when I feel stifled, caring so much, wanting to see a difference, but after witnessing so many not wanting to listen, or truly care themselves, I have become jaded. I don’t want to throw pearls at swine, I guess all to often I figure that’s the category people are in… the swine pit… that’s not very caring now is it? This whole debacle is a classic trap of “the enemy”, get me to think/fear one thing, so I can’t live out my passions, so I become frustrated and “unable” live out the Kingdom.

So this entirely outlines the need for a close relationship to God, for the inter-dependency of the Church to help us be connected with reality, and for the honest to God humility of one’s heart. There’s a lot stored up in me right now, but do the above stated “frustration” I feel stuck – however, I have access to a solution – it’s God’s restart button – MERCY and GRACE. I don’t have to worry about my thoughts from the past, I can start over today and act according to my passion and call today, sure it might make some heads turn (especially my wife) – but I can explain it, walk away from the shame, and move on. This is the beauty of living as a child of God, saved by the Son, and living in his kingdom.

Relational value

The above picture is from a small group Alexis and I “lead” for three years. Normally when you think of “leading” it’s a lot of ideas about preparing, mentoring, and “bible study stuff”. In our case, it was a lot of those things, but a whole lot more. However, in spite of a lot of heartache, trauma, and down right warfare, we came to love each other as family. It’s been about six months since our last time together and well, just about everything and anything you could imagine has changed. Plans have been “altered” and our paths have been dramatically shifted in such ways that we almost never intersect anymore.

Yet, I would like to believe that if anything horrendous occurred we would remember the three years we were together and not let regular “life” get in the way of genuine relationship. I hold onto this hope, because, I know that within the church (of people) it can seem nearly impossible to be the Church (of the bible) we see. One of the scriptures that motivates me to be the leader that I know God has called me to be is Colossians 3:12-17:

¹² Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

¹⁶ Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.¹⁷ And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

So much can happen, disasters, deaths, disease, misunderstanding, miscommunication, warfare, mistakes, unforgivingness, and the list goes on and on – the bottom line is that we are dealing with humanity, and not just humanity, broken humanity. If we look at the relationships God has placed in our lives, can we say “he made a mistake”? No, we can’t – because he doesn’t make mistakes. Rather, we need to look at where maybe we made mistakes, and where we need to take the next steps to enter into community in the way he calls us to do – in peace and thankfulness.

Of course, let us not place ourselves in relationships where the enemy can cause harm amongst us, and let us not make relationships which do not honor our Lord – for that is not representing Him. Even in the Church the enemy has headways, and many times those are the areas where the Church fractures, where people get upset, bitter, and confused – because many times, in our broken humanity, we put the blame on our fellow brothers and sisters rather than the author of lies (the enemy). Of course, please do not hear me say none of us have responsibility for our actions, we do, it’s just that we need to recognize the author of the lies that drive our poor actions and choices.

Our responsibility to one another should be driven by honor, wisdom, and love. Many times this means allowing those who have gone before us to speak into our lives and provide guidance, even when we don’t really fully understand (or necessarily agree 100%) the guidance, that’s the season I’m in right now. Out of obedience to the principles that Christ laid out for His Church we shall prosper and live the abundant life.

There’s a lot more I could write, but I simply want to state this – if we filter our actions, our decisions, and our relationships based on the above, then maybe, just maybe, we might begin to see a love that surpasses all understanding, and they will know us for our love. It’s possible, I know it is, I have been there, multiple times – it’s a challenge, and it’s humbling, and not always easy, but it always rewarding. Do you value your relationships as Christ has called us?