Why I never dated

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There’s really only three reasons why I never dated, and when I finally decided to enter into a relationship with Alexis, I decided to “court” her instead.  The first reason was all about being intentional, I had intentions, if I was going to “date” it was going to be with the intent to see if marriage was the real deal for us. Second, I wanted to make sure we had shared our callings, that they were compatible, and about serving the Kingdom. Lastly, to ensure there was honor and respect in our relationship, that it wasn’t just about “having” the girl, or “being” the man – that I was honestly seeking to honor her in my actions, and her actions honored me – and through we gave respect to one another.

Intentionality is a word that I put a lot of focus on, I always desire that my actions have a real intention to them, that’s it’s not just “going through the motions” and so I decided I didn’t want to date – dating was like “trying” on clothes and didn’t really seem fair to anyone – humanity has enough problems, I don’t need to be nonchalant in my relationships, and certainly not someone I may end up marrying! So I was intentional, I wouldn’t date, instead I would court – seek to understand a person at their deepest parts (of course I had zero idea how to do this, and in my young pride thought I was so great)… that didn’t really happen well – but I tried, the heart counts!

Another thing I tried very seriously to understand was Alexis’ calling, what she felt God leading her to do, what she thought she was gifted in, etc. Again, something I was far to idealistic about, I probably put more pressure on her than was necessarily good, but in the end I certainly made a point that I was serious about what God was telling me! It was during our courtship that I heard the Lord tell me I would be a pastor – almost nine years later I’m not quite a pastor by “title” but I know it’s where I’m headed. As for her, she’s got an amazing heart for the world, for people, and for serving the Kingdom and seeing people awaken to the Kingdom life.

Then comes what I consider the most important piece giving honor and respect to the relationship, not just to the person you’re courting, but the relationship itself, don’t go fast, explore, learn, grow. I know, it’s wishy washy, and you might be burning with “lust”. Don’t awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4) let it mature, let others give you advice and wisdom, be transparent from the beginning, and when love finally arrives you’ll know it, more than ever. Every couple will look different, but I’ve never seen a couple who gave respect and honor to the relationship by allowing God to teach and the Church to cultivate (a healthy circle of Kingdom friends/mentors) blow up into a statistic – they’ve either maturely went their ways or entered into a marriage built on a foundation of trust, respect, and honor – which is hard to break apart, even when someone makes big mistakes.

When I was single

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My first time on European soil - Frankfurt Airport, 9-6-2003

 

When I was single I went back and forth feeling like I wanted more, and then back to being OK being single… obviously I realized at some point that I wanted a wife and family – so that’s what I have today. However, I seriously looked at being single for a lot longer than I was. Back in 2002 when I was first presented with the idea of serving over seas on a year-long mission I was at a place where I was perfectly fine being single, very much enjoying it, and wasn’t actively looking for anyone. Of course just three months before leaving for my year long Polish adventure I “ended up” courting Alexis… it was crazy, and I wasn’t that sure about it either…

The pros and cons of being single are all over the place, and much of the desire to either remain single or enter into a long-term marriage (or for those outside my Kingdom lifestyle, a committed long-term relationship) come down to a person’s life calling and/or goals. However, I think the world, culture, and society put much pressure on people to find that “special” person far too much, and for many far to quickly. Some people mature faster and can enter into a dedicated relationship at an earlier age, but many times I believe (especially in the Church) the maturity factor is looked over and we’re just looking to get people married (so they don’t burn with lust)… instead of focusing on character development we’re simply trying to prevent “embarrassing” sin? This is a bit of an over-generalization and simplification, yet the common approach for many people is still within this kind of basic frame work.

Being single has amazing freedom, and the ability to get up and go when you feel it is awesome. Of course you run the risk of feeling “alone” and “lonely”, yet with the right amount of connections, friends, and most of all, your relationship with Christ, the sky’s the limit. Let the world be your play ground, be content, and step out into new things while you can – heck maybe make a life of it – stay single! The life-long single person certainly is a different breed, yet I envy the idea at times – thankfully my wife and I share the adventurous spirit and call!

Urban co-housing, we could do this!

< Daybreak Cohousing in Portland - Common areas aren't used a couple times a year, they are focal points for community interaction - click to enlarge; photo by Grace Kim >
< Daybreak Cohousing in Prtland - Common areas aren't used a couple times a year, they are focal points for community interaction - click to visit original article on citytank; photo by Grace Kim >

Urban shared living communities are a very fascinating idea to me; the modern “commune” (now being referred to as “co-housing”)is far from our typical hippy era picture we usually hear about. Today’s living communities focus on the idea supporting one another, and doing the most with the least, rather than being “lead” by a single person, these new communities focus on group decision making and putting the good and needs of the group ahead of the wants of the individual, while still respecting the individual dignity and privacy. I came across a fascinating article about some communities here in the Pacific Northwest and elsewhere (I strongly recommend reading the article).  I also know of some friends from our Seattle days who live in a small Christian shared living home with two other families.  When Alexis and I were interns, we had our own mini version of this, with a men’s house and a women’s house across the street from each other, we shared meals together, and did chores together – being mostly young, raised middle-class, and suburban dwelling people – it was rather dramatic, yet we bonded in ways only possible from co-housing.

These communities are not “hostel” style, each family has their own living space with bedrooms, bathrooms, living room, and possibly a kitchen as well, and circumstances differ from community to community. Most communities make a point to share a meal or two each week, split up the community maintenance, and help one another out. What I found the most intriguing is that 40% of people living in these kinds of communities said they regularly gave financial support to their neighbors when in need far more than when they lived in our traditional self-contained fashion. Of course living in close proximity with others has its ups and downs; however I believe the benefits far outweigh the shortcomings.

These new communities are not removed from society, rather they are integrated into the fabric of the urban life, in the midst of our dense city neighborhoods where people can easily get to work, grocery shop, and interact with humanity. This sounds a lot like “the good old days” where people valued other people, and more than that, it sounds quite close to something we can read in Acts 2:42-47. This is an idea I can get behind, intentionally living together, sharing resources, taking care of one another, and letting iron sharpen iron.

Maybe someday we’ll be able to buy an apartment building and turn it into one of these living communities, and not just open to other Christians, but rather a mix, and have it be an opportunity to be a light house to others and our community. The idea is huge, but I’m ok with those now, since our call to Poland will no doubt reflect many of these values, maybe we’ll start something in Kraków along these lines?  I know plenty of young adults and families who would probably jump into an idea like this fairly easily – a built in support network, yes, make it so.

On to the dream!

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Nine years ago not only did I find my wife, I was also walking into an adventure of a lifetime I never dreamed of being part of… living in Poland. It was nine years ago that I was fundraising to live in Poland for a year, never in a thousand years did I imagine nine years later we would be support raising again, only this time it’s for an entire family and for an indefinite period. Time will change any person, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Some friends of ours recently were just launched into their own adventure, except for them it’s to another “P” country, the Philippines, but they had no idea even nine months before!

We have a long ways to go before we are launched, having to raise all of our support (unless by a miracle I end up with the ability to work remotely) adds a lot onto the preparation time. During this time we have to attempt to self-teach ourselves Polish, including teaching Emma, as well as live our “normal” lives here, work, school, church… At times it is a huge burden and I either want to have a “magic” wand waved to get wake up in Kraków, or just run away from the idea and finally “start” our lives. For so long it has seemed we are in limbo, but as we look back and see each of the turns, valleys, and mountains we have climbed, we see God’s fingerprints all over the “evidence” and know He’s getting us there – one way, or another.

2010 was a valley year, 2011 was a mountain climbing year, and 2012, not sure yet – and we need to be OK with that. So for those that read this, continue to keep us in your prayers, we see the field, and we know the workers are few, our hearts are steadfast but our body and mind’s weary.

I’ve got a travel bug!

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I have a huge travel bug right now, I really just want to go somewhere outside of the Pacific Northwest – if we had the money, we would be heading to Poland for a wedding on November 5th, but unfortunately we are shy of the $2,500 needed for airfare to get our family there – not to mention other travel expenses.  It makes us sad we can’t go… really sad.

I’ve had a couple of work-related trip opportunities but turned them down due to other scheduling issues, I’m hoping to have at least a few more before the end of the year – most so I can move up to the next mileage program status!  But also, because I have a huge itch to just go somewhere, explore something new, see and taste new things.  I love traveling, even when it gets all messed up.  Please God, send me somewhere… dare I saw “anywhere!”?

The picture above was from our visit to Poland just after our Honeymoon in 2006.  Wizzair is a no-frills budget airline that operates flights to/from Eastern Europe, this photo was taken as we were about to board our flight to Frankfurt after a couple of weeks in Poland.

The dream place

The picture above may not look like much to you, but it’s part of the dream I (and my wife, Alexis) have. It’s part of the dream given to us years ago by God to be missionaries to Poland (to learn more what our missions is visit REACH Polska). The dream for us is focused around people, and that apartment building pictured above is a tangible representation of the mission.  From time to time Alexis and I look at possible places to live in Krakow, for that final day where we are launched into the promise land.  On our last trip there as a family, we went to different neighborhoods in Krakow, and that apartment building above is from one of the places we visited.

As with every marriage, there’s a number of things that Alexis and I have our disagreements over… but one of the areas where we are in line with each other, is the kind of place we want to live. Because our mission is people focused, we want to live where the people are.  In Poland, and especially in large cities like Kraków, the people live in apartments, quite nice ones – these are not your standard cookie-cutter American sub-burban apartment complexes.  These apartments are really more what we call condominiums, they are built to own.

And because we also believe in being sustainable Christians, stewards of of what we have been given, we will be living car-less, which is quite possible in Kraków. When needed we’ll rent a car, or join a car-sharing program (if one exists), but we’ll mostly get around by foot, bike (Kraków does have a bike-sharing program), and transit.  We are very excited about this kind of lifestyle, and know that it will open up opportunities to meet our neighbors, and others, and build new friendships quickly and naturally.

There’s a few requirements our little place in the city will need, one a balcony, and hopefully a fairly large one, we like balconies, and we like plants, so a balcony is a must.  Second, we need to be near a park – Poles like parks, and especially in a city we know we’ll meet people there on a regular basis, and of course Emma and our other future children will love it too.  Thirdly, a spare room, we know we’ll be hosting people, and having a spare room (which will double as a meeting/office space as well) is a must in providing the ultimate in Polish hospitality.  Even if we don’t have all these things at once, we know that our city living will be exciting and beneficial for expanding the Kingdom in new and different ways.

Sustainable Christianity

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Created to sustain?

Genesis 1:26-31 [NLT] Then God said, “Let us make human beingst in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” 29 Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. 30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.

If the above passage isn’t one of the most “green” passages of the Bible, then I don’t know what is. I’m tired of American, suburban, “mainstream”, evangelical, “conservative”, “Christianity”. I love the Church, but I don’t love the stereo-type “Christianity” that is so prevalent in America, and unfortunately has a loud (and humiliating) voice. As a Christian I see nothing in scripture (nor do I ever hear from God) about politics, lifestyles, or a myriad of other “campaigns” our American evangelical “christian” circles tend to stand (quite strongly) behind.

The translation I used in the passage above uses the word “govern”, other translations say “subdue”, “rule”, “have dominion”, “be it’s master” – etc. It doesn’t say “strip it”, “rape it”, “be greedy and multiply”, “destroy and conquer”, or any other number of things that some of my brothers and sisters would never admit to, but support through their campaigns and political nonsense.

Now, I could continue on and be very critical, and beat up on my fellow believers… many of whom are my friends as well. But instead, I want to point out that I believe (and am convicted and urged by the Holy Spirit) to do my best in sustaining what resources we have (both natural, and human). We, as a Church, should support (and am convinced we are obligated) fair and green trade initiatives where possible and sustainable. The Church should be in support of moving our people around (read: public transit) efficiently, sharing resources where possible (Acts 4:32-37), and realize that we were created to sustain the planet, not abuse it.

There’s a lot of talk about this subject, for now though, I will do what I can.. because ONE (or three) does matter and make a difference. We are working our way to living in a place where we can live as we were created, and govern our lives in a way according to how we were created. Living near our friends, our church, our work; shopping near by from local/fair sources; using renewable sources to power our lives; reusing/recycling what we have; and reducing our footprint in more than just carbon emissions.

Love, live, life?

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I’m not quite sure what direction I want to go with this post but I’ll try to explain something that has been going on in my heart for a while now. It’s about how christian (maybe just Americans?) people handle decisions, how we make choices, and the things we weigh and use to justify our decisions.

If God is sovereign, if he’s our protector, and if he’s all loving…. then why do we let so many other items influence our decisions? I’m not talking about deciding what to eat for breakfast, I’m talking about decisions that have an impact on our relationships. Things that require commitment… many times instead of hearing “I think God is calling me to…. a new church, job, ministry”, whatever the case may be I hear things like… it’s safer for our family, it’s just more relaxing, the people seem more real, and my “favorite” God shows up more….. (myself included!).

That’s certainly not an exhaustive list, and at the same time God can certainly call us to do something or go somewhere and these other “good” things be true. But if our decisions and the way we communicate them are not about a work of God in your life… then are we living the Gospel? Jesus has some pretty straight ideas on what it takes to follow him… and a safe, clean, no risk life isn’t what I read. Leave your family, leave your possessions, sell everything for the common good of our brothers and sisters… share all. Those are just some of the things I read.

Now of course we don’t want to go off the deep end, because our decisions should never violate our Kingdom commitments, God, family, the Church community… of course living all of that out is a lot of work and discernment. Love first, love second, then make a decision. Let God’s voice lead our decisions, not the external issues. This doesn’t mean ignoring those issues, just don’t let them lead.

Basically, are our decisions putting trust into our LORD? Or into something else? Trust me when I say this… the enemy will devour and hijack you unless you take full responsibility to trust God AND be in active warfare with your LORD.

Goodbye 2010!

A day of photo-ing in Seattle after Thanksgiving 2010

A day of photo-ing in Seattle after Thanksgiving 2010 – Family Picture by Carlybish.com

Well, the year 2010 is not exactly a year I want to repeat. So many different disappointing and frustrating events, while personally I have learned more than I asked for, and I am thankful for that, I would like to see 2011 be a year where dreams, promises, and new beginnings come alive. I find peace in the fact that through all of 2010’s tribulations, relationally, financially and spiritually I have witnessed and experienced , time and time again, God’s provision and, more importantly, His peace throughout.

So without further ado, I present you my 2010 list of observations, ideas, remarks, etc; basically everything I’ve wanted to say for a long time. Somethings are helpful, while some are not, they are just observations, some opinion, and as usual, not exactly fully baked ideas – if only I had time to write full discourses on my ideas!

LIFE: Well as one of my favorite movies puts it, life really is like a box of chocolates. However, I find that the labels on the chocolates at least work as a kind of guide, as do the stereotypical labels in life, I know, I’m not suppose to like the labels, however, stereotypes exist for a reason. In 2010 I learned that some of the common “warning labels” in life are well worth it, even if others around are seemingly OK ignoring them. We still don’t really know what we’re going to get, but at least we can expect to either have nuts or not.

MINISTRY: 2010 was an interesting year of transition for myself, and family. We went from being involved in 4 ministries, to zero. Watching people, grow as people, in Christ, and with one another is a huge gift. We had originally planned to be in Poland by the end of the year we took the opportunity to hand off and step out of ministry. However, as most of you know, our plans changed dramatically when my overseas employment opportunity fizzled away. At times I miss being involved, and I still check in and watch from a distance the people I have grown to love, and at the same time it has opened up the opportunity for Alexis and I to focus on us and minister to one another and Emma before skydiving into our Poland adventure.

CHURCH: Ministry, God, Life, Church – why write about each of these separately? Well, because they distinctly different aspects of Christian life – interdependent on each other. Each aspect cultivates the others in some way or another. Church is probably the most volatile factor of all, mostly, because it depends on imperfect humanity to actually be listening and obeying God. So, inherit to this condition, mistakes happen, and people either choose to put blame on the church or a leader in the Church. One of my biggest lessons for 2010 has been, God ordained the Church, he works through the Church, and he works through imperfect humanity.

Thus, I choose not to blame the Church, rather I am constantly reminded that all of the “bad” things I see, all the frustrations I feel, and all the negative things people say about “the Church” – is mostly the same as in the world – it’s just “worse” when it’s in the Church because the expectations are high – which is kind of strange considering we are all human, so the expectations should really be equal. God sees humanity all the same, every single one of us. So what’s the big deal? The big deal is this: when we choose to see God as who he really is, and not how the world sees Him, then the Church and the world become two completely different entities. This brings so much freedom, we are empowered to love the Church and the world as equals, and live freely! Because the Church is God’s, not humanity’s.

CULTURE: I have been challenged by the idea of “Kingdom” culture more in 2010 than any other year (maybe that’s the way it works, increasing each year). Living life according to “the kingdom of heaven is like…” can be, honestly, frustrating. We live in such a culture/world that does not honor the ways of the Kingdom, and most of the time, the “Church” doesn’t recognize it either, because, as I said above, the Church is made of humans, and we humans live in this world – we don’t, naturally, live in the Kingdom. We have to be intentional about living super-natural, kingdom culture lives. Contextualizing “our culture” and “kingdom culture” is not easy, and so many  people want to react and make it black and white, when really it’s extremely colorful and requires a patient response, not knee-jerk reactions. Above all, kingdom culture requires living by the identity God has given us.

GOD: Is the same. However, I am not. I’ve realized much more about God this year, including, the incredibly amazing ability He has to comfort, to provide, to supernaturally grant forgiveness when usually it would be “black and white” to the rest of the world to say “screw you”, and a whole lot more. I’m also enjoying Him much more as a “person”, and feeling His heart more often. So much to say about just these two points – let’s just say “give me his eyes” is only the beginning of humility, and in my opinion, the way it ought to be. If you haven’t read “Blue Like Jazz” – do so, now! That song, and that book combined, literally opened my eyes and mind to see people, circumstances, crisis, humanity, in a way which I know, from deep within my soul, is how God sees and feels, and desires us to see and feel as well.

FAMILY NEWS: Since this is already getting to be a very long post, I’ll bullet point this piece.

  • Emma turned two! And she is doing all the wonderful (and amazing) things two year olds do!
  • Emma is speaking in full sentences and learning more every day. She’s also picking up on Polish pretty quickly (at least when Mom and Dad use it, and we need to use it more!)!
  • Alexis and I are looking forward to more time together, with our schedule freed up by less ministry things in our lives, we are focusing this next year on growing as a couple and as a family… yes, we hope to have another child this year!
  • Emma loves the color pink, we tried, we “vowed” to never make her a pink girl, but alas, it has happened.
  • Alexis and I doing some marriage groups at our Church, and so far, the gleaning from other couples has been terrific!
  • As always, we covet your prayers and please know, we are never to busy for you! Drop us a message, have coffee, anything, we’ll make it work!

POLAND: Although our plans changed, the ultimate destination has not, and we will be fundraising (see next section) with hopes of moving to Krakow, Poland by the end of 2011. With that said, we are more excited than before, God has shown us many things in 2010 that will make our move to Poland far powerful than we could have imagined. One new thing on the horizon is that in July we hope to have a “reverse mission trip” with a Polish family we have come to adore and love. We will be fundraising for this, and arranging time for this couple to glean from church leaders, small groups, and other ministry times, so that they can have more tools to do ministry in Poland. The primary goal is to provide a relational support network for them, and connect them to people who can be praying, and also so people here in the States can meet and get to know who we will be working alongside when we move!

FUND RAISING: If we hadn’t attended a support-raising seminar at Foursquare Missions International headquarters in LA back in November, we would be telling you we have fund-raising fatigue! But, rather, by God’s grace, we have been renewed, and starting in January we will be kicking off a full blown fund-raising season. We know that what God has asked us to do is far too important to not ask people to partner in the ministry with us, support-raising is just as much a part of the ministry as is discipling in Poland. We also know that going with 100% of our budget is the only way, if we go with less, than our ministry will be less – sure, maybe more for God to do, and although we know he moves when we can not, we also know that God can move ahead and we can be 100% supported before we go. If you want to know more, simply visit our website at www.reachpolska.info, or to begin donating now (we need people NOW) click here.

MISSIONS: My idea of  what “Missions” is has been gradually evolving, and in 2010 I think it came to look something like this:

Matthew 28:18-20 [nlt]: 18 Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. 19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Essentially, go, expose the truth of humanity and God, disciple the people there, baptize them with a clean and pure motive to seek God, all of God. And remember, Jesus is always with us, so fear not. I know this is “over simplification” – BELIEVE me there’s a lot to this that revolves around context, culture, family, etc, but hey, we need to start with the basics and allow God to move us.

TRAVEL: In 2010 we did some traveling, in January we took a three week trip to Poland, a trip with nothing more than to build up the relationships we already had in place. It was a great time of encouragement and laying the ground work for our move.

Then in July we went to the San Juan islands of Washington State for our four year anniversary, it was fantastic and included whale watching!

Lastly, I got the opportunity to be a part of, our friend, Aris’ wedding in Frankfurt, Germany, with that trip I took the opportunity to make a quick trip to visit friends in Nowy Targ, Poland as well – both parts of the trip were incredibly God-ordained!

FINAL THOUGHTS: I like to write, but I fight myself too much on how people might react or respond… I hope people respond rather than react. I hate having to remind people that what I write isn’t a full on discourse to argue a point, but rather, it’s usually a snippet of thought, or concern, to chew on. Anyway, I pray that 2011 is full of love, grace, forgiveness, and truly new beginnings for you and all around us. Remember, there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears, and we will see Jesus face to face – the final redemption!

Political labels don’t fit me.

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So some things I’ve been thinking about. Warning none of the following will have a “why” so hold your comments until I flesh out the points over the weeks to come.

Thanks!

Because of my Bible believing beliefs I have come to the following (maybe surprising) convictions about the following political and societal issues of our day.

Fair and ethical trade – I really can’t justify paying less for something knowing that the work conditions for cheap products are many times near slave standards, the basis of brutal dictatorships, or turn a blind eye towards basic needs. This is a very complicated matter, and it can change. Buying products from verified and/or certified sources is important to making change happen and education.

When possible, I prefer to buy local, this helps in so many ways, local economy, unfair/unethical trade issues, and as a bonus you get to know and support your community (Biblical? I think so).

Sustainability: this one I find very misunderstood in and out of the Church. I think from a Biblical viewpoint the Church should be at the forefront of the sustainability movement (although it shouldn’t be the forefront of the Church’s mission, that’s already clear). Things like Advent Conspiracy can be great tools for making sustainable communities (think hand wells in Africa).

Lastly public services (education, safety, transportation, and healthcare) should be priorities before other items. Each of those items I just listed, when well thought out and protected like our society depends on them, brings everyone’s living standards up, not in an attempt to “equalize” everyone, but rather by proving the “societal infrastructure”.

Like I said this is far from fleshed out, blogging from my phone doesn’t provide me access to the resources to unfold everything as I would like. But what I do want to say is that Jesus does promote many things. However, hear me loud and clear the number one mission for Christ’s followers is still the expansion of the church. I just think that through these venues we can expand the Kingdom and touch our world for Jesus at the same time!