encouragement & food for fish, which may never make sense.
My observations
The dirty church
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When people say “church” there are so many things that many people say/think, and it seems these things are mostly negative. This can be an extremely volatile subject, with many people feeling judged, unwelcome, and rightfully pissed off by actions of people in the church. The humanity behind the “church” is a big huge mess, it’s at times so sickening I don’t know how the Church has even survived this long, but then I realize, that’s just it, it didn’t “survive” it’s been supported the whole time, supported by our God. The Church is His design and it remains and continues to serve its function even in an apparently disgusting state.
This isn’t a post about “why you should go to church”, it’s a post about looking at the church differently, not for the failures that humanity has done but for the love that God has for it. Yes, it is true that there are many distortions, many things that are not “right”, and these things make trusting the Church almost impossible. So, here’s my challenge, DON’T TRUST THE CHURCH, trust God, trust he is in control. Trust that God, who is working in you, is also working in the Church he created and supports more than 2,000 years later.
Will you feel judged? Probably.
Will terrible things (divorce, secrets, hurt) happen? Yes, the Church is made of humans.
Will you be annoyed, angry, and want to walk out? Probably, at times, and maybe for whole seasons at a time.
Will you seek out true and authentic relationships with others? – That’s your choice.
Will these authentic relationships hurt at times? Most likely.
Will these authentic relationships bring joy? Yes.
Will you see Jesus in these people? Yes and you’ll see humanity’s state, fallen.
This is iron sharpening iron.
This is unconditional love.
This is fellowship.
This is humanity.
This is community.
This is discipleship.
This is His Church, where we grow in character through God’s love, grace, and mercy through OTHERS.
This is the dirty Church.
Don’t let others walk over you, but remember to give grace, walk the high road (humility), and give people an honest, patient, chance to be loved and receive love. Remember… we’ll be together forever, live like it now! Most of all PEOPLE don’t have power, only God does, allow Him to speak, and if someone says something that offends you, just remember, we are above those offensive words and those words hold no power.
And one final thing… The Church is not your pastor, the administrators, the volunteers, the ministry teams, the prayer team, the sermons, the small groups, the walls, the chairs, the music, or anything else we tend to see/do/be in church, the Church is us, we make the Church and God is the head… and last I checked, he still loves the Church. So don’t give up on it, live it, breathe it, and be with God through it.
Emma
01 month ago
Emma will be four on April 9th and it is incredibly hard to imagine life without her, so cliche, but it really just wouldn’t be the same. She’s a super happy, well behaved, very loving, and amazing girl. She entertains herself and also plays with other kids very well, she enjoys both adults and kids her age and is a social butterfly.
I’m bias but I think she’s “perfect” in all the ways we pre-conceive for children… sure she has her moments, she argues, she whines, she does all the things kids do, but in the end she is my princess. When I think about her I rarely think negative thoughts, except maybe when I’ve just sad down on a peed on couch… and even then love is not in question.
I’ve learned so much about life, God, and humanity through this little four year old, her silliness, bed-time stalls, and temper tantrums all included. We love going on walks together, smelling the flowers, the trees (like above), and she loves just watching ducks swim around in a pond and being peaceful. Yet, then when’s with her friends she’s bouncing off the walls, running around, and having a blast, we love that she can adjust to her surrounds so well. She’s certainly thought this daddy many things about how God must feel and see us, and since we’re created in his image, it can only be that much greater!
My Marriage
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From rose colored glasses to the nasty pit of bitterness, despair, anger, and frustration. That pretty much sums up my marriage experience so far! Yet, I am so much more in love with Alexis, my bride, than I have ever been. There have been some very tough times, lots of frustration, and things that I can’t explain – yet through it all I have come to know someone who is committed to the beauty that is marriage. Our marriage is far from the ideal one, far from the romanticized story lines of Hollywood, and yet if it were a movie I think it would be a blockbuster.
What makes our marriage work in spite of the issues? A strong, steadfast, and never-changing foundation in the power of Christ – I know, oh gosh I went religious on you, sorry but in this instance there’s no other way of describing it (besides, religious to me would be rules, regulations, and performance – what I’m talking about is out of relationship, hearing, feeling Christ’s love – not just trying to “please” Him). Without Christ as the one truth to bind us together we would have gone our own ways years ago. Because of who Christ says I am, and who He says Alexis is, and because we believe that truth and not what we think in our weak moments, we can rise above the “moments”, the arguments, the outright crazy insane fights, and realize – you know what, she/he is NOT really that selfish, mean, hurtful, terrible, etc… those things are the aspects of our fallen humantiy; the truth is she/he is a child of God and therefore is forgiven, just as I am, in all things.
Does this truth mean accept anything that comes at you from your spouse and just “let it go” – absolutely not, it means both making sacrifices, apologizing for your own actions without demanding the other person does the same – it means giving grace, and it most of all means being humble, learning from you mistakes and lovingly letting those moments change you. As long as both parties are willing to humble themselves – there is hope. It may take time, and a lot of prayer, but don’t put God in a box (aka, don’t put your spouse in a box). Seek the loving advice of others who have gone before you, seek the Lord’s truth, and remember we’re living in a fallen world – crap happens, and we get to live in it.
That’s my two cents, don’t give up, chin up, walk the high road, and look at your marriage as a child, it needs nourishment, love, attention, and hope.
Why I never dated
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There’s really only three reasons why I never dated, and when I finally decided to enter into a relationship with Alexis, I decided to “court” her instead. The first reason was all about being intentional, I had intentions, if I was going to “date” it was going to be with the intent to see if marriage was the real deal for us. Second, I wanted to make sure we had shared our callings, that they were compatible, and about serving the Kingdom. Lastly, to ensure there was honor and respect in our relationship, that it wasn’t just about “having” the girl, or “being” the man – that I was honestly seeking to honor her in my actions, and her actions honored me – and through we gave respect to one another.
Intentionality is a word that I put a lot of focus on, I always desire that my actions have a real intention to them, that’s it’s not just “going through the motions” and so I decided I didn’t want to date – dating was like “trying” on clothes and didn’t really seem fair to anyone – humanity has enough problems, I don’t need to be nonchalant in my relationships, and certainly not someone I may end up marrying! So I was intentional, I wouldn’t date, instead I would court – seek to understand a person at their deepest parts (of course I had zero idea how to do this, and in my young pride thought I was so great)… that didn’t really happen well – but I tried, the heart counts!
Another thing I tried very seriously to understand was Alexis’ calling, what she felt God leading her to do, what she thought she was gifted in, etc. Again, something I was far to idealistic about, I probably put more pressure on her than was necessarily good, but in the end I certainly made a point that I was serious about what God was telling me! It was during our courtship that I heard the Lord tell me I would be a pastor – almost nine years later I’m not quite a pastor by “title” but I know it’s where I’m headed. As for her, she’s got an amazing heart for the world, for people, and for serving the Kingdom and seeing people awaken to the Kingdom life.
Then comes what I consider the most important piece giving honor and respect to the relationship, not just to the person you’re courting, but the relationship itself, don’t go fast, explore, learn, grow. I know, it’s wishy washy, and you might be burning with “lust”. Don’t awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4) let it mature, let others give you advice and wisdom, be transparent from the beginning, and when love finally arrives you’ll know it, more than ever. Every couple will look different, but I’ve never seen a couple who gave respect and honor to the relationship by allowing God to teach and the Church to cultivate (a healthy circle of Kingdom friends/mentors) blow up into a statistic – they’ve either maturely went their ways or entered into a marriage built on a foundation of trust, respect, and honor – which is hard to break apart, even when someone makes big mistakes.
When I was single
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My first time on European soil - Frankfurt Airport, 9-6-2003
When I was single I went back and forth feeling like I wanted more, and then back to being OK being single… obviously I realized at some point that I wanted a wife and family – so that’s what I have today. However, I seriously looked at being single for a lot longer than I was. Back in 2002 when I was first presented with the idea of serving over seas on a year-long mission I was at a place where I was perfectly fine being single, very much enjoying it, and wasn’t actively looking for anyone. Of course just three months before leaving for my year long Polish adventure I “ended up” courting Alexis… it was crazy, and I wasn’t that sure about it either…
The pros and cons of being single are all over the place, and much of the desire to either remain single or enter into a long-term marriage (or for those outside my Kingdom lifestyle, a committed long-term relationship) come down to a person’s life calling and/or goals. However, I think the world, culture, and society put much pressure on people to find that “special” person far too much, and for many far to quickly. Some people mature faster and can enter into a dedicated relationship at an earlier age, but many times I believe (especially in the Church) the maturity factor is looked over and we’re just looking to get people married (so they don’t burn with lust)… instead of focusing on character development we’re simply trying to prevent “embarrassing” sin? This is a bit of an over-generalization and simplification, yet the common approach for many people is still within this kind of basic frame work.
Being single has amazing freedom, and the ability to get up and go when you feel it is awesome. Of course you run the risk of feeling “alone” and “lonely”, yet with the right amount of connections, friends, and most of all, your relationship with Christ, the sky’s the limit. Let the world be your play ground, be content, and step out into new things while you can – heck maybe make a life of it – stay single! The life-long single person certainly is a different breed, yet I envy the idea at times – thankfully my wife and I share the adventurous spirit and call!
Urban co-housing, we could do this!
02 months ago
< Daybreak Cohousing in Prtland - Common areas aren't used a couple times a year, they are focal points for community interaction - click to visit original article on citytank; photo by Grace Kim >
Urban shared living communities are a very fascinating idea to me; the modern “commune” (now being referred to as “co-housing”)is far from our typical hippy era picture we usually hear about. Today’s living communities focus on the idea supporting one another, and doing the most with the least, rather than being “lead” by a single person, these new communities focus on group decision making and putting the good and needs of the group ahead of the wants of the individual, while still respecting the individual dignity and privacy. I came across a fascinating article about some communities here in the Pacific Northwest and elsewhere (I strongly recommend reading the article). I also know of some friends from our Seattle days who live in a small Christian shared living home with two other families. When Alexis and I were interns, we had our own mini version of this, with a men’s house and a women’s house across the street from each other, we shared meals together, and did chores together – being mostly young, raised middle-class, and suburban dwelling people – it was rather dramatic, yet we bonded in ways only possible from co-housing.
These communities are not “hostel” style, each family has their own living space with bedrooms, bathrooms, living room, and possibly a kitchen as well, and circumstances differ from community to community. Most communities make a point to share a meal or two each week, split up the community maintenance, and help one another out. What I found the most intriguing is that 40% of people living in these kinds of communities said they regularly gave financial support to their neighbors when in need far more than when they lived in our traditional self-contained fashion. Of course living in close proximity with others has its ups and downs; however I believe the benefits far outweigh the shortcomings.
These new communities are not removed from society, rather they are integrated into the fabric of the urban life, in the midst of our dense city neighborhoods where people can easily get to work, grocery shop, and interact with humanity. This sounds a lot like “the good old days” where people valued other people, and more than that, it sounds quite close to something we can read in Acts 2:42-47. This is an idea I can get behind, intentionally living together, sharing resources, taking care of one another, and letting iron sharpen iron.
Maybe someday we’ll be able to buy an apartment building and turn it into one of these living communities, and not just open to other Christians, but rather a mix, and have it be an opportunity to be a light house to others and our community. The idea is huge, but I’m ok with those now, since our call to Poland will no doubt reflect many of these values, maybe we’ll start something in Kraków along these lines? I know plenty of young adults and families who would probably jump into an idea like this fairly easily – a built in support network, yes, make it so.
On to the dream!
22 months ago
Nine years ago not only did I find my wife, I was also walking into an adventure of a lifetime I never dreamed of being part of… living in Poland. It was nine years ago that I was fundraising to live in Poland for a year, never in a thousand years did I imagine nine years later we would be support raising again, only this time it’s for an entire family and for an indefinite period. Time will change any person, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Some friends of ours recently were just launched into their own adventure, except for them it’s to another “P” country, the Philippines, but they had no idea even nine months before!
We have a long ways to go before we are launched, having to raise all of our support (unless by a miracle I end up with the ability to work remotely) adds a lot onto the preparation time. During this time we have to attempt to self-teach ourselves Polish, including teaching Emma, as well as live our “normal” lives here, work, school, church… At times it is a huge burden and I either want to have a “magic” wand waved to get wake up in Kraków, or just run away from the idea and finally “start” our lives. For so long it has seemed we are in limbo, but as we look back and see each of the turns, valleys, and mountains we have climbed, we see God’s fingerprints all over the “evidence” and know He’s getting us there – one way, or another.
2010 was a valley year, 2011 was a mountain climbing year, and 2012, not sure yet – and we need to be OK with that. So for those that read this, continue to keep us in your prayers, we see the field, and we know the workers are few, our hearts are steadfast but our body and mind’s weary.
Freeways, destroyed our society…
02 months ago
I have began learning a lot about the American transportation infrastructure over the last year, and I have to say, I’m not such a fan of the automobile as I use to be. The cost to Americans just to move around from point A to point B is staggering, unhealthy (both physically and economically), and destroys the fabric of our society yes, probably more so than gays and lesbians, abortion, and bad TV. I honestly believe this, and the following is why. This post is in no way conclusive, all encompassing, nor the “end all’ – it’s just part of an adventure I’m on in seeing our world differently, it’s not designed to be political, it’s hopefully a nod to a different way of life which we have found more simple, less taxing on the overall system (in many ways) and provides us opportunity to interact with more people.
The cost is horribly high for what we “get” – most freeways spend a lot of time underutilized, they are built to attempt to work at “peak” load, making them monstrosities which eat up valuable land, create moats around communities, and in reality with every lane addition and expansion more cars hit the roads. You can see examples of this on a recent article I read here. Additionally, by making access to the hinterlands cheaper, more people moved away from the cores of our cities, creating a dependency on cars to get us around, leaving us less healthy, disconnected from community, and paying for car insurance, fuel, and fuel taxes. Some people may even begin to think of our funding system as almost socialist, since everyone is forced to pay for it in some way or another… people would scream if there was a “highway” fare (aka tolling) – like on Transit systems. The cost to build and maintain these “freeways” is very high, and becoming more expensive each year, many times construction lobbyists push for highway construction as a “jobs creator” – and we pay for it, through over budget projects, which are then passed down through state taxing systems making everyone pay, many times at the cost of other more-human scale programs and projects.
Why do I say freeways destroy the fabric of our society? Well, because it has caused many Americans to live in suburbs, and other places where getting around by car is necessary because everything is spread out. This spreading out effect took away the idea of neighbors, sure we have “neighbors” but because our houses needed to be large enough to have garages we started parking in them and never seeing our neighbors, and the land was cheap so we planted acres of lawn and built fences as well. We isolated, disconnected, and bought big TVs for our big houses, and stayed inside. We now have to drive to get even the smallest item, our children (in most cases) can’t even go bubble gum without needing a car ride, and many times it’s not even safe to walk to school because of lack of sidewalks.
Visit anywhere in “old downtown America” such as New York, Boston, Chicago, even parts of Seattle and you’ll find community, culture, and human scale life. Sure I understand big cities are not everyone’s favorite, I have nothing against small town America, my issue is with suburb America, it’s artificial, stale, and forced. Are there drawbacks to living in a large city, in high-rise apartments, yes – of course. But a well planned city, with parks, green space, and transportation for all, is a place where many different people of all backgrounds can come together and live; suburban America has a hard time allowing all kinds of people to live there because, well, you need to own a car – and not everyone can or will.
How living a low-car or car-less lifestyle can be amazing:
- Low transportation costs, more money for family/friends and enjoying our communities
- Interaction with a greater variety of people, walking, talking, sharing transit, etc. Which leads to greater understanding of the world around us (through interaction that we’ll never have with a car-dependent lifestyle).
- A society which connects and interacts, is a society that can take care of each other.
- And much more (sustainability, livability, etc).
One last though, for my fellow Christians, we are called to be people who can effect our communities and neighbors, living in places where we don’t need to drive allows us so many amazing interactions with people. Might we begin thinking of living in such places? Many times we are focused on “safe” neighborhoods, which is fine in itself to have some selectivity, but we serve a God who we know will protect us, use the brain He gave us, and trust the savior as well to protect us – and make your living location decision based on the people’s needs, and maybe even think about throwing yourself among the community, go car-less or low-car-use for a while and you might make a few friends along the way!
Alexis and I made the decision to live in a “mid-rise” apartment building in Gresham (Gresham’s only and highest) about a year and a half ago, we absolutely love it. It’s right next to a TriMet MAX station (Civic Drive) and I can walk from our top floor (fifth) unit on the far side of our building, to the platform when there’s less than four minutes to the next train. We currently have one car, since outside of our direct neighborhood, which is wonderful but has no grocery store, we need the car to get around Gresham (there’s decent transit but only on a few core streets and definitely not to where our friends live). We know that our next move will be closer to a downtown core, definitely have a grocery store within walking distance, and be someplace where anyone can get to us easily by transit.
Image of Christ and the Church in today’s culture?
02 months ago
So a while back I started seeing some interesting ads around, the “I’m a Mormon” ads, you know the ones featuring “normal everyday” people, NFL stars, doctors, lawyers, etc. This made me think… what on earth would a “I’m a Christian” ad even begin to look like? I wont’ even try. But then I read an article on one of my favorite online magazines, Out of Ur, called Mormons, Mormons Everywhere and I started to think, does it matter what the world thinks?
It’s a hard subject to approach, but one that I think we (the Church) fail at quite miserably. There’s are part of me that simply thought “just let them think what they want” – but I don’t think that truly reflects the attitude or value we want. We should care what “they” think, but we don’t want to just come up with marketing schemes to make it happen. In the end it’s true transformation of our lives, our friends, and the community around us that will be our “ad” to the world.
But I still think, maybe the Mormon ads do at least (for those of us who at least try to be open minded) get people to rethink their preconceived ideas of Mormons. As I said, I have no idea how the Church in its current state would ever come together to agree on an image to encourage America (and the world) to rethink their ideas… But maybe the Mormons have something going on?
Share your car, share your faith
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Sharing your car with complete strangers?
In our car-loving, freeway, go fast obsessed American culture, the idea of sharing our personal cars with others (like a version of Zipcar) sounds crazy to many. I guess the idea of sharing our cars with complete strangers is a bit of a stretch, not to mention possibly not having immediate access to your car (oh my gosh!). But think about it, how many hours out of a day does your car just sit there? With certain protections in place (such as technology to track the cars, and insurance, which in most states would require revising the law), a paradigm shift for some people, and a common goal of utilizing our resources more efficiently - private car sharing can allow those that only need a car from time to time to get around less expensively, at odd hours when transit doesn’t operate, and bring in a little extra cash for car owners.
This concept is something that I think, for those that are willing (for those that can let go, and let God), would make a great ministry for the Church. What a great way to share, show people that our “stuff” really isn’t ours, and share and give a little – not to forget make some money on the side – out of that money pit. Nuts? Maybe! Do our cars really belong to us though? For those whose car sit for 8+ hours a day though, might be worth it!
Talk about Acts 2:42-47 [NIRV]:
42 The believers studied what the apostles taught. They shared life together. They broke bread and ate together. And they prayed. 43 Everyone felt that God was near. The apostles did many wonders and miraculous signs. 44 All the believers were together. They shared everything they had. 45 They sold what they owned. They gave each other everything they needed.46 Every day they met together in the temple courtyard. In their homes they broke bread and ate together. Their hearts were glad and honest and true. 47 They praised God. They were respected by all the people. Every day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.
