Do you ever get the idea that your just not as exciting as you want to be, or as entertaining as you should or want to be? I know I do. All the time, I?m thinking sheesh, if I could have just said this, or done this that way, then people would have felt good or laughed. I guess this stems from the whole idea that I want people to notice me, but I don?t really want them to all at the same time, for if people notice me then I feel this fake pressure that I need to act that way around them all the time. I?m constantly feeling like I?m boring around people? probably because I?m boring to my self.

So what do I do about this? A lot of the time I can snap out of it by listening in on the conversation, and then as soon as I have something to say I break in. But this is a problem, you see, my brain works faster then I can speak, and a lot of time what I say is not what I mean it to sound like. Many of the times I end up cutting someone off, and I HATE that, but I just don?t think about it because I feel like I?m going to forget the thought in my head, which a lot of the time I do, and then there I go again, looking either bored, or unexcited.

God has placed so much on my heart! But it all seems to be with interacting with people, and right now I don?t think I do a great job of that. I feel like a fool when I speak in front of groups, and I am really nervous around new people who I should be comfortable around, at least who I think are expecting me to know something. I know that going to Poland will help me in these areas, and I believe that God is going to train me, and make me stronger; it?s just not my time yet. As one of my close friends has told me time and time again, I just need to be more confident. I need self confidence. How do I get this confidence though? I?ve just got to know my stuff, whatever that is. Thankfully I?ve got the Holy Spirit to help me, with out it (and I know what it?s like w/o it) I?m a bumbling fool who can?t talk straight!

I need to slow down; I need to just take my time when I?m formulating my thoughts. I think I explain my self better in writing because I have to slow down and think. Would someone let me know if this does help?

.: prayers, prayer requests :.

Oh Father God,

You are awesome, incredible, never changing, the best thing to happen to me.

I come to you, broken, tonight I have new respect for you.

I ask for confidence. I ask for healing for my friends Mom. And I ask for more of you in my life.

I thank you for your grace, mercy and love. Thank you for answering all of our prayers. Thank you for being our God, our Father.

Lack of confidence makes us struggle [Jeremiah 1:6-8]

?O Sovereign Lord,? I said, ?I can?t speak for you! I?m too young!?

?Don?t say that,? the Lord replied, ?for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don?t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and take care of you. I, the Lord, have spoken!?

And another thought. So I?ve had this idea of a great day on the town, and until tonight I never really thought of it as being a date, but two really cool friends suggested it as one, so now it just might be one. 🙂 Of course it could be a really fun group activity too, but kinda expensive? maybe someday? we could all take our wives/husbands!

Here it is?. Imagine going down to the Seattle center, we arrive around noon on a beautiful winter day (hopefully with snow!). We have fun on the rides, go beat each other up with bumper cars, take a few rides on the roller coaster, look at all the art. Then right before the sun sets we go up to observation deck of the Space Needle. Watch the sun set, and have dinner in the restaurant (I?ve never eaten there, and I?ve read the new management is cheaper and has pretty good food). Then, we?ll take a ride on the monorail to Westlake center, go shopping in the mall for a little while. Walk outside, brrrr it?s cold out here, stop into the coffee shop get somthin? to drink, then go across the street and take a ride on the carousel. Then take one of those horse and buggy tour rides down to the water front, with all the lights around town lit up, and the Christmas carolers! Then we return to the Westlake area, and go shopping and window shopping in all of the big stores! And spend the rest of the night (at until the Monorail leaves, or maybe just we?ll walk back? that?s fun too) just loving Seattle, because we do! Thank God.

So how does that sound??? God, I think I want a wife who would enjoy this kind of stuff? 🙂