Tomorrow will be the end of my third month here in Zakopane; one third of my year here is over. To tell you the truth, I am not quite sure what I have accomplished, I know things have moved forward, but I do not really have a sense of anything being “done”. Sure, we have started a few things, and those things are going great, but seeing fruit is another story. I know it will take time and I need to be patient but if I am not seeing any fruit than are we doing things right?
Lately I have been getting more and more ideas for ministry, but not for here, for Seattle. I think I may be attached to Seattle a little bit more than I am willing to admit, I already had one little session with God where I gave up my heart for Seattle, but apparently I need to do more. “That won’t work here”, is what I am told about many of the ideas I come up with , It is very frustrating for me and quite discouraging and it is beginning to take its toll on me. I almost just want to say, “Why don’t I just try it and see for myself” I know they may have experience but let me try maybe it will be different.
My energy level has been zero the past couple of weeks. I have been regularly sleeping in past noon, I am sure staying up until three or four in the morning does not help, but the energy level is still low even when I am awake. I have many goals I have set for myself, but “they can wait” is all I tell my self. In the mornings when my alarm does go off (at 9:00am) my brain is not working and I just turn it off, then sleep another four or five hours.
Thanks for reading all this craziness; I guess I have some expectations, which are not being met, so my motivation level is down. It also does not help that my friendship/fellowship network is nothing compared to what I had in Seattle. I have a great group of friends who I can bounce ideas off, get suggestions, etc; here I have none of that. Carol and Denise are awesome but quite busy, Chris is great too, but he works so much I hardly see him. I am so use to having a regular schedule too, that now that I do not have one I am not sure what to do with myself. I have been slowly (but rather unsuccessfully) going out to drink or have coffee with the other young adults, but so far two out of three have canceled.
I am trying to see what God has in all of this, I know I need to be looking towards him and not towards this “network of friends” I had back home. I know I am here not only to serve, but also to grow.
Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks. [Matthew 7:7-8]
I ask for you to show me how to reach the young adults of Zakopane. I ask for words which will stick with them and guide them to you. I ask for the trust to be built to create meaningful relationships with them. Lord, I ask for you to change me to be someone who is part of them, and not “just an American”. Lord I will not give up, but I also am asking for a motivation booster. Amen.