my thorn

You know it never fails, as soon as I am feeling really good about myself, it happens, I fall flat on my face. I let my guard down for just a moment, and boom, I blow it, the enemy attacks, and I let it happen. Sometimes I wonder if there is possible to never fall to lust again. I know keeping the crap out of my mind helps, but as soon as I get a hint of it, the fight is over, and I have lost. I have already e-mailed Matt letting him know I have fallen again. Last night God poured his healing over me, once again, I do not deserve this. I am in such a mess, this is not fair to Alexis, or my future wife and family. I am addicted and I need to be alert and fill my time with serving God when I am alone, otherwise I just follow the hint. I felt absolutely gross last night, upset, sick and disturbed, I have to remember this