Since the New Year, I have felt like I have been on the brink of something, but what the “something” is, I do not know. I think I am beginning to realize I need to take initiative and do what my heart is telling me, but I need to organize and prioritize those things first. Therefore, this week that is my goal, to thoughtfully write all of these things down and prioritize them. I can already tell it will be an enormous burden off my chest and will release some of the stress I have been feeling, most of which simply comes from being lazy. I do not have an agenda to “seek and destroy” like some kind of corporate juggernaut, but I do have a heart which is on fire and is screaming to be heard.
I wonder, what my old high school friends would think of me now? I wonder if they would even recognize my personality, my character, anything. I am a completely different person than I was four years ago, most people do change a lot from high school, but many of their hearts do not change. Four years ago, I could have cared less about Poland, or really, about any other people in the world, sure I would not have admitted to this, then. However, after taking the step of faith to trust in the invisible, and back then, untouchable God, I realized what true fulfillment was; it was a trust that cannot and will not be broken, but I had to trust first. God changed my life, not any person, not any “good person”, just God. Sure, he used people to reach me, but ultimately it was I trusting him, and he changing me, my trust in him, created our relationship.
Therefore, now I take another step of trust. In the next few days I am going to open myself up even more, I am going to see how deep the rabbit hole really does go. I have cried many tears since coming to this land, I have had my heartache and cry for people here (which is the first time in my life I have truly cried over other people). Now, I take another adventure, one that is surely going to bring more tears, more heartache, and more opportunity for me to become the person that Christ has made me, the person I am only with Christ.