I have an incredible “sense” of right and wrong. It can be so strong it gets me into trouble a lot of the time and I can be seen as “intolerant” when really I just want to show someone that going some directions will not lead to anything good. I don’t tell them because I want to control them, I tell them because I sincerely love people and I hate to see people makes choices that I know are not good for them. How do I know? Well I’m still trying to figure it out myself, it’s a deep down urgent feeling that I just can not explain I can only show.
However, I can even resist the urge to do right myself, so I guess that in itself shows that no matter what I do, people will make their own choices and all I can do is tell them otherwise. This can be very frustrating and discouraging to watch people make choices I have made and to know the feelings. I cannot imagine how God feels, he must be in constant suffering, just watching his children make choices all the time that lead them away from him. I’m so scared to be a parent for this very reason but at the same time I want to experience the miracle and feelings for myself.
Father, please cover me with your grace and shine on me with your light. Take your arms and hold me tight. I’m in such a strange place, so many extreme emotions and no where for them to go. I’m annoyed and frustrated by people I love so dearly, and I’m hurt and scared for others. The range of emotions is nothing I want to experience ever again. However, I know after this process I will know you more and be able to serve you in another wonderful way. Please remove this burden, for your burden is much lighter. Help me to be grounded in you again. I know your love never fails. Restore to me the joy of my salvation.