I need a schedule that includes time to myself, time with friends, but most importantly time with God. I feel like so many people around me have guards up, they don’t want to go deeper, they just wallow in their own frustrations, and a lot of the time think that I have it all together. This is a vicious circle, that just sends me into a desert and then I become a jerk to everyone around me, and a super-jerk to the ones I love the most. What is God teaching me? What does he want to me to learn through this? So many questions, so many people, it is so overwhelming sometimes.
The problem is that I focus too much on the past or the future and hardly ever on today, right now. I want so much for the future, and I loved so many things of the past, but I don’t like where I am at right now. I need some stability, I’m going on the fourth month of living out of my suitcase, with all my things in boxes, and my daily and weekly schedules changing. I also feel very disconnected from my friends, almost more so than when I was in Poland because I am so busy and have very little Internet access that I hardly get a chance to say hi to my good friends. It is driving me wild and causing me to be so frustrated.