I’m tired of being tired, but I seem to only be tired during the day, at night I can’t get to sleep. This makes for a very frustrating situation. I want to have passion, life, and to be doing things because my heart wants to, not just because I need to. Lately it has been so hard for me to get up, I’ve been getting up just 30 min before I have to be anywhere (which thankfully has been 10am most days), if I don’t have something until 12:30 than I don’t get up. It has been so bad. I don’t wan to be like that, I want to steward my time properly. I want to give time to God’s word, to prayer, and to fellowship. So, I want to be awake, I want to rise up.
In other news, this past weekend was the Jr. High beach retreat at my church, and it was a blast. At first I really wanted to just stay home and do nothing, which is basically all I’ve felt like recently (I sure hope I’m not getting depressed, I’m pretty sure it is just time for a break, thank God for the holidays). However, once I got there the whole thing was a blast, the kids were great and I saw them really wanting to experience God, big time. This quarter God challenged me to be a fill in, not to simply be in the ministry I wanted, but to go where I was needed and serve, this ended up being Jr. High – never my top choice. During this quarter I have learned that my calling to be a pastor is not just for a specific age group, it is for all, and however I can do that is what matters. Even though I feel like a failure in some pastoral areas, I know that this is my calling and that continuing in it is important and to not give up when I fail to “do” something. This opportunity to serve Jr. Highers has shown me the Father’s heart for people, no matter their place with Him, or anything else.
My verse at the moment: Ephesians 5:14 “And where your light shines, it will expose their evil deeds. This is why it is said, ‘Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'”