One thing I have grown to loath is fund raising. While it’s a pretty needed step in everything God has asked us to do, it isn’t easy. The feeling I get with each request is that I feel like a beggar. I hate it. I know that most people don’t see it as begging, but the feeling doesn’t get better when the responses are either negative or nill. We have had our share of negative responses from people who apparently do not know exactly what we are doing, and haven’t read the things we have done over the years. Thankfully these kinds of responses have slowed down, and in fact the past couple of months we haven’t received a single one.
All of this ridiculousness going on in our friends lives’ is beginning to drain my energy, the only thing I feel like doing is worshipping with all my heart, screaming out my fears, my sorrow, and my concern for our dear friends. Right now to find a simple joy would be nice. We know there are far worse things in the world, and some of our friends are experiencing those things, Alexis and I are humbled by each event, praising God for his goodness and sovereignty. There isn’t much anyone can say or do in these kinds of circumstances except pray. My heart is heavy, my soul is anxious, my spirit is thirsty, and my mind is confused.
My wife and I just learned some terrible news (the kind that gets your hands trembling) about a family member. No one is dieing, and no one has died. The ramifications are huge, the wake from this news will cause many to feel anger (such as I do), frustration (such as I do), and either move people closer to relying on God or cause people to shut down and continue on like nothing happened, yet slowly becoming more cold.
I wish I could explain it, I wish I could express how I feel in my spirit about the fears that have finally become reality, due to people dwelling on the problem, rather than expecting God to fulfil the needs.
The affect this has on Alexis and I will be one of spiritual and relational challenges.
Please pray for understanding, leaning on God’s word, how Alexis and I should participate, how the people involved should move, for God’s discernment, for healthy confrontation on questions.
Lord I ask for your truth, your wisdom in how I should personally minister in the depths of this event. I know what you have said in my spirit, and I have a tension with others on how to healthily administer the truth. I ask that you give me, all of us, a clearer understanding, and that most of all that circumstances do not tear apart your kingdom. I pray for wisdom in dealing with resources and relationships. I humbly submit to learning a new level of trust in you, and in the people you have placed around us. May the shortfalls of the world NEVER determine the call, relationship, or love we have for one another.In the power, authority, and love of Jesus I pray. – Amen – Make it so.