However, I can’t hear it. I have this strong belief that ministry should not ever feel like “work”, especially for prolonged amounts of time. I found myself actually wanting to curse at people, and that for me is a sure sign of something wrong. I have a great gift of not being affected by other people’s stress, but there is a limit, especially if the stressed out person starts to command me and others to do things when we are suppose to be having fun! What I hate the most is that I haven’t had a single chance to voice these issues in an appropriate manner, every time the chance comes up, the focus is turned to something more immediately in need of attention. Every day I see more and more reasons why I am here, more and more areas I need to improve. Some days I am amazed I don’t get the urge to call the airline and change my return ticket to the next day, its how I feel but I gave my word and I am committed no matter how much it hurts sometimes, I know God’s wonders never cease. A lot of this is coming to the surface because Alexis has confirmed the same feelings, and she has only been here two days and has witnessed plenty of these situations.
I realize that I need to make some clear boundaries concerning the things I am willing to do, things I am confident in and things I am not and need a little more guidance than just “do it”. However even with all of this, the fire in my heart burns more intense every moment of the day. I have the greatest gift of all, a life that will not end, and no matter how strong the Enemy tries, my Lord will not let the Enemy take me out of this battle.