The hardest thing for me right now is to truly cherish, to love in return, to be the man I want to be
Year: 2004
All you need is love….
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It’s easy.
There’s nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It’s easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
It’s easy.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Emergent worship… What do you think? My opinion… I love it, it’s about the heart anyway, not the words (with in reason of course), or who wrote it, or anything else, it’s about LOVE from the heart.
I wish i could blog …
I wish i could blog right now. This message is from my phone. When i get the Internet at home i’ll be back!
A prophetic exercise
[This post was actually posted on Nov 12, 2005, but to make more sense I have retro-published it to fit in with when the actual event happened]
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This past weekend was our intern retreat out on the beautiful Oregon Coast. It was an amazing time, great worship, great prayer, and God was there. Something which I had never experienced before was “prophecy”, and this past weekend we did a prophetic exercise. Now, before you go off thinking I’ve joined a cult or something, hear me out. No one forced us to speak, and no one was yelling, screaming, or making any other kind of strange body spasm, we simply laid our hands on each person and listened to what God was speaking to each of our fellow brothers and sisters. These are the words which came for me:
SPONGE: You are a sponge the yellow-green kind with lots of yuck inside. God is squeezing you, doing whatever HE can to clean you. It hurts. He will clean/fill you with His Holy water. His living water will wash you out. Decay needs to be uprooted. Dirty job but necessary.
BOAT: from Venice. Big staff in water you are holding staff.
Fisherman: This year the year to walk on water. Don’t look around or get frustrated. Cry out your fears, out loud.
WALKING ON WATER, IN POLAND: You were walking on water in Poland. Then you went down and Jesus picked you up. You were the only disciple in Poland. You’re now back in the boat with God in the storm, but God has quieted the storm. God wants to bless you. You are a foundational/pioneering person and God gave you this gift. God wants to heal you from mental and spiritual abuse, or any other. Enjoy the calm that God has made through the storm. The storm is not over. Endure the upcoming test. Be encouraged, you have the heart of Peter, so strong. Peter denied Christ three times, yet the church was built upon Peter.
LIGHTHOUSE: with stairs around the outside of building. Raining, thunder, but you keep climbing to the light. The light house is to warm ships of things coming. You’re wearing a black rain coat, God is that covering, he is with you. God’s given you persistence stronger than others. Because your faith is so strong in God you will press on.
HEBREWS 11:8-10: It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called on him to leave home and go to another land that god would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith – for he was like a foreigner, living in a tent. And so did Isaac and Jacob, to whom God gave the same promise. Abraham did this because he was confidently looking forward with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.
GOD EAGER TO USE YOU: God is sitting with eager expectation you are willing to serve and that gives God a great anticipation. Tender heart, a servant’s heart. God excited to work in you because you are so open he can do such great things in you and through you.
God is walking with you. You’ve gone through a lot and are being healed. God is with you and your strong faith. God will heal you.
You are a man of integrity. Strong in God. He is walking with you.
Your heart for God is awesome, seeking his face.
PIONEER/CONSTRUCTION: While walking the enemy tried to distract you. God will build foundation, and you will build a house and roof. He has plans of construction with you. You dig very consciencly. You rebuild. You know when they fit. You are a pioneer. Storm come and ruins inside house. So we do the immediate – restore inside. Then storm comes again and ruins inside. God is building the roof so the other work will last. Plan of construction before you.
Technical. You dig stuff out and put together useful pieces. Spiritual mechanic and make things useful. Pioneer.
Up in tree you are a strategist. “Traveling Travis”, missionary, ambassador, you’ll be like Joshua. You will tell people as Joshua did.
DELIVERANCE: Each step of lighthouse is new stage of deliverance. Some steps may seem to go off cliff. You may want to curl up on some steps, NO. Don’t be afraid. But God says “no my son, get up, stand up” You will pastor people. Pastor’s mantle. Open minded. As lighthouse light shines North, South, East, West, God will give you direction to those places. No matter how difficult it is, God has your hand, He is prompting you to GO.
He is your focus. Trust the Lord and run the race. The Lord is your fortress, strength, and shield.
CLEANLINESS: Deut 23:9-14 When you look at refuse you think that stinks. God doesn’t reject you. He sees the garbage and embraces you. God will cover the refuse and get rid of it. God doesn’t see you as unclean. He will not turn away from you.
When you go to war with your enemies, stay away from everything impure. Any man who becomes ceremonially defiled because of a nocturnal emission must leave the camp and stay away all day. Toward evening he must bathe himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp. Mark off an area outside the camp for a latrine. Each of you must have a spade as part of your equipment. Whenever you relieve yourself, you must dig a hole with the spade and cover the excrement. The camp must be holy, for the LORD your God moves around in your camp to protect you and to defeat your enemies. He must not see any shameful things among you, or he might turn away from you.
BROKENNESS by the Lord, so he can deliver you. You need to be broken before God can heal you. Get to rock bottom so He can build you up.
You will be Bold. You are a cool surfer that is steady from God, Karate Man. Surfing on a wave with glasses, coolness. Steady, firm, chilling on wave. Intimidate the Enemy. Like a gangster knife fight you scare opponent. You go ahead.
You have an Axe – chanting around a fire like an Indian. “you are a warrior”
PSALM 84:5-12
Happy are those who are strong in the Lord, who set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains! They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem. O God, look with favor upon the king, our protector! Have mercy on the one you have anointed. A single day in your courts, is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked. For the Lord God is our light and protector. He gives us grace and glory. No good thing will the Lord withhold from those who do what is right. O Lord almighty, happy are those who trust in you.
Alexis and I
Alexis and I just finished our second week of school and ministry, and boy is it intense. Alexis is learning all the intricate realities of living with seven other girls and I am learning to say, “You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name.” Jr. High on Wednesday night was and will be the hardest for both of us since that age group tends to have issues with authority, neither Alexis nor I are authoritative enough. We can see that God will be stretching us, for more patience (how much does one need?), and to see the heart-needs of Jr. Highers. We are also learning to minister together, go to school together, and have a decent relationship that does not drive other people away. So far, we have received nothing but compliments and praise from the other interns and pastors. However, both of us are feeling the need to get away and spend some time with just the two of us. The Lord has an amazing plan for us, I know that this year will bring us closer together and it will either confirm our hope to return to Poland or show us something else. As long as we continue to work together, pray together (which is unfortunately lacking at this time), minister together, and have fun together, I know the Lord will provide what is needed and guide me in loving her as He intends all women to be loved.
Too tired to say much
Tired am I, Oh God thank you for the blessings, and blessed is your name even though the wilderness is encroaching on my life. Though I walk in the desert place, blessed be your name. When your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name, “When all is right” blessed be your name. Amen.
Exploding with thought
So here I am sitting in a neat little café in Gresham Oregon, just looking out onto Main street (actually it’s Main Avenue, but whatever) wondering and processing all the different things and ideas I have learned about this past week. Different things from what my generation needs from the church to what God is doing with my generation and the apparent lack of man to understand what that is.
I am also looking for different Jobs in the Gresham/Portland area, but my heart just wants to focus on ministry. Our weekly schedule makes it very hard to work enough to be able to focus on ministry and not money. I have complete faith in God that I will have enough, but I need to do my part and at least look into all the opportunities. There are so many hurt people in the youth group and college groups that my heart cries out and when I think about working I just can’t even stand the thought because it would mean working in the very little off time that I do have.
The Schedule is:
Currently I have school on Mondays from 1pm to 10pm, Tuesdays I have a mandatory (at this time, possibly if I work it’ll be different) bible-study at 8pm, and high-school ministry (which can’t be changed) from 3pm to 10pm, on Wednesdays Jr. High ministry is from 3pm to 10pm, and on Thursdays we have a 9am meeting, a 12pm meeting, and college ministry from 3pm to 10pm, and on Fridays we have school from 9am to 10pm with 2 hour breaks for lunch and dinner. This schedule makes working a little difficult, I could work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, possibly Thursday mornings with approval, and Saturday or Sunday days (I would like to have two free days, but I refuse to work everyday).
Some think I am being fussy with the kind of work I want to do, it pretty much needs to involve networking and technology, mostly because than I know I could work fewer hours but still get paid a decent wage. If I worked something else, I would have to work every possible hour (in turn burning me out, and leaving no time to study). However, I truly believe that I will find a job that will support me and not burn me out if I stick it out and keep on looking and knocking on the doors that God directs me too. Please keep this in your prayers, so far, I am financially okay, but by Mid-October I must have some income otherwise this kid is in trouble… But I serve the God who is not short of cash, amen? AMEN!
School, Internship, and life
Alexis and I started school on Monday, it’s awesome, the instructors are great, knowledgeable, and passionate about Christ. The internship program is keeping us busy, last night was our first night at the high school service, about 150 high schoolers, the message was on encouragement and I really enjoyed it. Life, now that is a big subject, let’s just say it is busy, full of twists and turns, but most of all full of great things.
If anyone is curious about how I am doing in regards to some past issues, let it be said here, that I am on the other side of the fence, finally, however temptation never stops. I feel good and strong about myself, about my sexuality, and about my relationship moving forward with Christ at the center. I cannot even start (because I don’t have the time) to tell you about the blessings I am experiencing. Please keep Alexis and me in your prayers, as together and individually as we walk in this new area of our lives. Thanks!
Two months
I have been a transient for TWO months now. I’ve been living on couches and out of my suitcases for two months. I’m tired, and I’m ready to settle again! Hopefully I have only 1.5 more weeks to go, then I’ll have a bed, a dresser, and a place to call my own, for a full two years! AMEN to that! I’m tired, and in less than nine hours I’ll be throwing the left-overs of a basement into a huge dumpster. Good night.
In Gresham
Hello. Alexis and I have been in Gresham Oregon since Saturday. However we don’t have Internet access at our houses… yet. School starts this coming Monday and then ministry the following Monday. Gresham is a cool little town though, right now I am writing this from Alexis’ new laptop (I left mine back at the house) in a cafe which has FREE wireless Internet access, how incredibly cool is that! Anyway, as soon as I have regular Internet access again then you’ll get the daily updates again. I miss blogging, it really has helped me process things, and the past Month I have had a ton of processing to do!
Oh, and by the way, I am completly broke, I paid. tuition today, God totatly came through (as if he never did) I thought I would have to borrow $200 from Alexis because last night when I went to register for classes they told me my financial aid information never went through and so I didn’t get any, but today as I went to pay the stopped me and said it did go through, and I will be recieving $200/quarter… exactly what I needed for this quarter. AMEN. But for the next five quarters I have to be able to save $2000 for each quarter, that means I have to make at least $1000/month… I’m on a limb.