Today is a new day, the funk from yesterday is over. Not that the circumstances have changed, but God is the same and there is a lot to rejoice in that. Plus I think I got enough sleep today, had a little devotion on the train into work, and so the funk is gone. Tomorrow we leave for the beach to hang out for a couple of days with friends we haven’t hung out with in a long while! Details can kiss my you-know-what and that’s about all for now.
Cześć
I’m really frustrated with a lot of things right now, there are a lot of loose ends in my life right now. Some if it is lack of communication, another part is simply feeling like I’m doing “all the work” in a number of areas, and lastly just the lack of time due to working full-time, having a family, and balancing ministry all at the same time. None of these areas are in any kind of bad shape, it’s just that I am personally finding myself on the edge, annoyed, and generally moody.
Thankfully I feel God’s hand in all of this and have an understanding that I would have had a few years ago. Yet at the same time my flesh still wants to freak out, and I’m easily irritated. There are many times where I feel like I just don’t have the outlet to vent, either because it’s inappropriate (meaning not the right people to talk with), or just emotionally draining. Alexis gets the brunt of this, which just makes me more upset, it’s probably all a case of “being drained” which I hate to admit.
I love what I do, when I’m doing it – but the preparation, admin work, and the lack of time due to this season we are in, is hard to stay on top of. There are some friends I wish I could spend a lot more time with in these kind of seasons, and that is probably the area I’m feeling the most “drained” in. Alexis is being amazing and understanding, and is doing amazing herself, work is providing all kinds of accomplishment, the ministry pieces are growing and showing fruit. Personally I just need to take some time to myself, without feeling like I’m taking away from one of these other areas – which in reality isnt’ true, because if I don’t invest in myself, the other areas will fall apart too.
I’ve been following an excellent series on a some not-often-discussed topics in Christian circles. Follow along, it’s a multi-part series that I believe all people, in the Church and outside should look at. We don’t discuss the matter enough, we don’t explore why things are really wrong, we simply pass down information without explanation. God’s heart is for purity, of our heart and mind – and he’s a God who cares deeply, and wants to be personal. He should be invited into even the most “shameful” part of our lives – and why is it shameful? Because culture has made it shameful, Sex is created for pleasure and intimacy – yet it has been distorted in the Church and by our culture which simply makes everything revolving around it too complicated.
Living life with intentionality, from my observations, seems to be something that our culture doesn’t observe. Many people want to live from one thing to another, allowing anything that comes up and is “more fun”, “a better opportunity”, or simply “feels better” to trump their commitments. I totally understand that things come up in life that are more important then our standing commitments… but a pattern of ever changing plans sends up red flags for me.
I know very few people that have true standing priorities that they have scheduled and actually protect from being trumped over. Maybe this is simply my generation, but I seem to notice it across generations.
Along these lines are the people in church who participate in the big events, or help out in the more “up front” places yet always have something else when they are not involved. There seems to be an entire group of people who are not intentional about their time, relationships, or their spoken “commitments”.
I bring these things up because in my “humanness” I get tired of “always” being the person who is “there” no matter what. I hear other people say “oh yes I’m committed” but then they seem to always the next best opportunity for things in life that are more fulfilling for them. It’s this scenario that drains people. I believe that God will let things die for a purpose (thankfully nothing is dying in this case), and those things are usually obvious.
So, in the end I know that I’m in the right place, I need to be more intentional about speaking my expectations – and at the same time I think we need to look at being more intent about who we are as a Church. The sad thing is I see people at work that are more intentional and committed to the company than many people are to the church.
Now I think some people may read this as judgment but that is the furthest from the truth. My heart is for the health of our Church (the whole church, not just the little piece I’m involved with – read: my “local” church) and the health of my brothers and sisters. We need to be motivated to serve others and not just what “I” feel like.
Just some thoughts from the ride home.
