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Read it – Alexis and I thankfully had amazing mentors to discuss and learn about Sex before we got married – good stuff, helpful, and prevented a lot of frustration.
This is the first of a series of posts on the subject of sex and romantic relationships.
There is a big problem with sex in American culture. We have little heritage of sex wisdom handed down from generation to generation. I want to start practicing articulating sex wisdom, so that I can be a source to others, who probably won’t have many other sources of wisdom along their path.
Honest discussion of sex is a taboo subject, in general, in Western Christian culture. This may be because we think discussion of sex will lead to promiscuity, akin to how discussion of food will lead to eating… …?
In any case, I was ill-equipped for sex by the time I had sex for the first time, the day or two after my wedding. On one hand, there’s no amount of information that can replace practice. On the other hand, information helps. My wife shares my experience. Lydia has described it this way: it felt like we were the very first humans, figuring things out for the first time. It’s good to figure things out, but it’s not good when my expectations form a rigid environment (sex was not like I see it in the movies). Some couples have good initial sex experiences, and some don’t.
…not that this series is about how to have sex. It’s about sex, but sex is broad and complex. Sexuality is integral to married relationship, and to every-day living with our bodies. Talking about it is worth the discomfort because having a healthy sexuality is wonderful, satisfying, and important.
I, for one, wish that others (my elders) would have breached the subject of sex (more often, and at all) with me. I know it’s awkward and uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t have responded gracefully, but it would have been worth it. My sex education came to me in Middle School, and it was very scientific in presentation. Otherwise my sex education came to me on magazine covers, movies, and jokes from other boys (who didn’t have the slightest clue about sex, let alone healthy sex(uality). I will not let these sources be the only sex teachers for my children.
This series is consciously and unconsciously directed toward an audience of American Christian teenagers, although I think there will be tidbits for everyone who will have a read. This decision is a little silly, since most of my readers are older than teenagers (the truth is that I’m volunteering with high schoolers and we’re on the topic of sex. I want to practice articulating some things here). Also, I’m a male, and I’ll be writing this with only editorial help from Lydia. That means this comes from a male perspective. If you’re a female, by all means read this, but also consider joining Lydia’s Facebook group The Red Tent (link coming soon), which is a female-only discussion environment about sex.
As for discussion here, I humbly request that you be more vocal than you would normally be. Even if you have a passing comment or question, please post it in the comments. This is because I’m trying to collect sex wisdom, for the benefit of future generations. However, you may post anonymously. You must enter an email address (which never is made public), and if you don’t want me to know who you are, enter your email address as anon@anon.com. After I allow the first comment from that email address, all others will automatically be posted. Thanks.
There is so much information to cover… I don’t intend to cover everything, or be able to. And watch out: some of my posts will have discernible endings and main points, while others will leave you in the middle of nowhere. Welcome to love.
As if I’m an expert…
Marcy Playground – Sex And Candy
