2002 – Page 2 – No Small Talk

Falling to Temptation.

I’m going crazy.

Temptation is huge.

I’ve been so strong.

But the more I remain strong;

The stronger the Temptation!

Pray for me.

Help!

Another one of those personality tests… To see my real personality I suggest you read the rest of my blog…

This is the inkblog test from www.emode.com.

Travis, your unconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

This means you have a deep desire to use innovative ideas to enhance your life and influence the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

Your need to be innovative drives how you look at new opportunities and the kinds of experiences in life you choose to have. On an unconscious level, the reason you may be so driven by imagination is your fear of destruction, the opposite of creation. When you are unable to create due to restrictions imposed by your environment or even ones you unwittingly impose on yourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You may find these feelings of unease only get better when you find another outlet for your imagination.

With such a strong creative orientation, you are willing to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at any given time. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn’t have thought of without your help.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Imagination, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Once there was this boy

He was born into a “normal” American household,

Normal looking that is.

The boy’s father was alcoholic,

The boy’s father tried to hit the boy.

The boy’s mother left his father,

They soon divorced

But first another child was conceived by another man.

This second child’s father left soon after his birth.

The boy and his new brother along with their mother lived on well-fare.

Then came along another man,

Who would wed this mother and take in these boys.

So the boy, his brother and his mom along with his new step father moved to the small town.

Here the boy eventually went to preschool.

Visited his birth father on the weekends.

He met a good friend in this preschool,

This friend was a girl, a girl in deed.

Soon the boy went to kindergarten in what was then a small school,

In a small town, in a large valley.

The boy’s birth father died that year,

His burial included the 21 gun salute, and the American flag handed to the boy,

The boy was petrified by the uniformed men who handed him the red, white and blue flag folded into a triangle.

This was the end of an era for the boy.

The boy was soon transferred to a brand new school only a few miles from home.

Here he met, and made many new friends,

Only one would last.

Another would impact his life forever.

He left that school to enter middle school.

In those years the good, the bad, and the ugly appeared.

The good – more friends.

The bad – a friend taking the boy’s trust, abusing his kindness, and his love.

The ugly – a “friend” discovering his sexuality with the boy.

In those years, it was dark.

Three long years of finding ones path,

The boy was lost,

The boy was broken,

And the boy needed a true friend.

The boy grows up,

He enters high School.

High school treats him well he’s now been playing music for four years.

In fact music becomes his passion, he learns, he plays, he has fun.

But, the boy’s parents have only been to one concert, his first, back in grade school.

The boy decides to join other activities,

Cross country and track,

He runs from life.

The boy is confused,

Sexual desires,

All messed up,

What shall he do?

He does not know.

The ugly friend leaves the boy’s life,

Thank God, is there a God?

His friend from preschool, she’s back.

They become the best of friends again.

Life is good, but sin is in.

The boy’s preschool friend,

Claims she’s found God.

God, how could this be?

You can’t “find” God.

The boy’s parents

They love him.

They teach him.

But he desires more.

His parents teach at him,

Of the ways of the good book.

But, it’s religion.

The boy is not inrested in religion,

It’s fake, it not real, it’s not tangible.

It does not touch.

The preschool friend,

She’s real, she sees God.

The boy wants to see God.

He wants God.

He wants unconditional love.

The boy’s parents see their last concert of his,

Seven years and they have seen two concerts.

3 years of high school sports, they see none.

Where is the love, he knows it, but he doesn’t see it the way he wants.

The preschool friend invites the boy to her God’s school.

He takes six months to finally make a visit.

He’s scared, confused, but drawn to what he sees.

The teachers in this school are much different.

They too have real lives,

They are not religious!

The boy makes new friends in this school of God.

These friends have the knowledge of God.

The teachers know God personally.

The teachers have God.

The boy wants to know God.

The boy wants to have God.

The new friends from this new school go on a trip,

The boy decides to go too, but his preschool friend can not,

The boy goes anyway.

The boy sees the true love of God, his people, and his students.

He believes, he knows there is a God.

But he still doesn’t know God personally.

The sin continues in his life,

He’s confused, sexual desires, boys, girls.

The boy does not know anything else, but what the ugly one did.

The boy is in a dark world,

A world full of hate,

A world of no love,

A world where God is a four letter word.

The boy is at this school of God’s.

He listens to the music, the words, the people

He then for the first time hears God’s voice.

The boys will follow God,

Step by step,

He will follow God all of his days.

The boy steps out of the black void, and into the light.

He’s met God.

He knows God.

He now wants to know God’s plan,

And will for him.

He continues to fall,

But now he knows he’s forgiven.

He tries to turn around now.

He wants to change now.

For he loves God, and God loves him.

He moves on,

He moves out,

He’s in college now.

He has a new pack now.

He leads a pack, he’s a teacher and student of God now

He’s left his first school of God now,

But that’s okay; he still loves those people,

And they still love him.

God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good.

He’s in a new town now,

He’s got new friends now,

But he seeks God, his friends do too.

He’s got a new school of God,

It’s full of people just like him.

Life can still be hard,

But God is there all the time.

Life may bite, but God heals that wound.

The boy knows this, he fully accepted it.

For the condition of the boy’s heart is for God alone,

No one can destroy that, take it away, or abuse that.

That is why the boy has the life he has.

The boy did nothing except ask for God’s son to take control of his life.

God did everything else.

And another thought by Travis…

I am an introvert in a group of extraverts and I am an extravert in a group of introverts.

I am happy with this, case closed on the “I?m not in the pictures, I?m not in the stories? blog.

I have nothing profound to say except this.

“Grr on it. Profound words from Travis.”

I want to say more, but I can’t think of anything right now. I had a blast tonight. I still love Jesus, and that’s what’s important. I do not want to go to work in the morning, actually I don’t want to go all week, I don’t want to go the rest of the month. Hmmm… that’s a problem, big problem.

Friends.

Friends are forever if the Lord is the Lord of them… I believe this is so true in ALL relationships. If Jesus is the Lord of your life and, the center of your relationships with people then you NEVER should have to worry about those relationships going bad. Now we are all human, we all make mistakes, but as a Christian we know these things, we continue to love people for those reasons. I Love every one of my friends more every day! I may get annoyed or upset with someone but I still love the person, I will never get mad at someone enough to drop them as a friend, I will keep on loving, seeking, and wanting to grow with that person forever. This is all true because these are all the things that God does in our lives, he will always continue to seek after you, grow after you and love you forever no matter what you do. I will always do the same for him, and the same with all my friends! I love everyone. So just remember that I love all of you, and I will always love you no matter what you do to me, or how I act, or whatever.

Now onto another subject.

Am I untouchable? Do I put of this “don’t touch me” aura? I’m just wondering… It just seems that sometimes everyone else gets a hug and I get a handshake… sometimes not even a handshake. I know I have issues in this area, but I don’t know how to stop it. It really hurts to see others get hugs and for other guys to be flirted with, and i’m just kind of ignored, or just smiled at… do I smell? (j/k) I mean, what is it? This is really bothering me, I may not ever actually talk about this, because sometimes I feel like it’s in my head…. A lot of the time I feel awkward when I go to hug someone, and a lot of times i’m an idiot and I shove my shoulder up someones nose, or something stupid like that. There have been a few times where I have gone home almost crying because everyone else had the hugs except me… 🙁 Now I know a lot of this might be me being over analyzing… but I think there are some valid points. Please help me in knowing this. I mean, sheesh something… Like I said I know I have issues in this area, I feel really awkward with girls, mostly because I don’t really want them to think I like them more, or i’m afraid they’ll think I like them, and reject me, as a friend or boyfriend, doesn’t matter they’ll just reject because i’m ugly or something. There’s a lot of other reasons i’m messed up in this area, I just pray that it’s resolved soon, and i’m writing all of this so that you’ll all know, and that maybe you might understand. I’ve been told before that I do put off a “don’t want to be touched” type of thing… I really don’t mean to! I have no idea why this comes out… some sort of defense mechanism I think, but I don’t like it! So, never feel afraid to hug or touch me… I want to work in this area, i’ll never reject it… I like (not in that way you sicko!) it. This is one of my next goals, is to figure this thing out, please help, if you want. 🙂 I love you!

Like A Child

Dear God, surround me as I speak,

I ask for this everyday

the bridges that I walk across are weak

This would be my job

Frustrations fill the void that I can’t solely bear

This would also be my job

Dear God, don’t let me fall apart,

I also ask for this everyday

you’ve held me close to you

Yes he has, Amen

I have turned away and searched for answers I can’t understand

This is also true, i’m glad he has the answers

Chorus:

They say that I can move the mountains

Wow, imagine that! AWESOME

And send them falling to the sea

Again, how awesome is this?

They say that I can walk on water

I can’t even swim!

If I would follow and believe

Okay, God I do!

with faith like a child

Now, this is a problem, but i’m trying, with all my heart i’m trying

Sometimes, when I feel miles away

Which is just about every morning when that stupid beeping/buzzing sound goes off

and my eyes can’t see your face

Well, yeah that happens in the morning too, but through out my day too

I wonder if I’ve grown to lose the recklessness

I sure hope so, I want to become solid

I walked in light of you

Hmm…

[Chorus]

Little girl:

“I’ve got joy like a fountain!”

I’ve got joy like a fountain too! Amen… I just wish I could always be aware of it…

“Be kind one to others”

I try, I try so hard, I still need help in this area… I know, I can not be perfect

“In Jesus Christ Your son”

That’s right baby!

They say that love can heal the broken

I believe this with every part of my soul and spirit!

They say that hope can make you see

Of course, otherwise what are we doing?

They say that faith can find a Savior

Faith will find a Savior…

If you would follow and believe

That’s the key.

with faith like a child

And this is hard, but it will happen, and it is so true!

Imagine

Imagine being in a black void, you see a pearl of light, swirling in on your self. Soon, it enters yourself, you are feeling this awesome sense of joy, peace and love filling you up. Soon, the dark void begins to get brighter, you look at yourself, and you are glowing, it gets brighter and brighter. Pin hole beams of light begin to flow out of your body, out of every pore. Now it is at the point of blinding you. You are so awe struck by the happiness you feel inside, you don’t even notice the pain your eyes are feeling. Soon the black void is filled with such a magnificent light, that all you see is white, white light which is living. You take a deep breath, and your lungs are filled, with a breath of fresh air, a crisp air which is found nowhere on Earth.

You soon realize that for the first time you are truly loved, this love can not be broken. You can feel the love all over and inside your body, mind, soul, and for the very first time, your spirit. Your entire world is rocked, what was once an enormous void which seemed impossible to fill, is now over flowing with a love you have no words for. You begin to hear thousands, maybe millions of voices, they are singing, you can’t quite tell what the words are, but they resonate through your body, mind, soul and new spirit. You realize that, they too, have found this same love.

Once you return back to earth you can’t do anything except yearn for everyone to embrace this same love you have experienced, and from that day forward, you can not but tell and show everyone of this love. Otherwise you feel selfish.

You have been filled by and with the Holy Spirit, the mind of God. You have come to know Christ. You have entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and God the creator.

YAY… I think i’m done w/ Cascadia for a at least a few months now! There were no winter classes I could take, they were all durring times when i’m working… or sleeping (Saturdays), so you won’t be seeing me around much, actually maybe you will I love the campus life… so i’m thinking of just hanging around when i’m bored… if it’s any more entertaining than home… 🙂

PRAISE GOD!

I had nothing to worry about, my class was canceled!!! YAY