Year: 2006

I need to be broken and on my knees. I was going through my song library when I came upon Jars of Clay “World’s apart”. Boy have I been a world apart from the “honeymoon” of my salvation; the exciting time where every chord of worship, every word of a sermon, and every conversation about God would carry on for hours and hours; where people from six different churches would simply come together to fellowship, worship together, pray for each other in public. Life seemed to ooze with Jesus. However, this honeymoon isn’t called a honeymoon for no reason; it is was just that

I have had some anxious thoughts over the past month about where I’m headed. These thoughts started as questions about my calling, my upcoming marriage, friends, ministry, etc. However, whenever I thought about “quitting” any of these things I just had a twist in my stomach that yelled “no”. I know that God is using these things to challenge me, push me, and strengthen me into the man he wants me to be. I have a peace, an assurance that the path I am heading is the way.

The discouragement, the lies, the lack of motivation has certainly had me in a slow walk, but I do not see this as bad. I see this past quarter as a time where God has wanted me, albeit hard, and at times very discouraging, and the enemy has certainly played with these thoughts. God has known though that I would turn to Him for the truth, and in return I have received His truth, His grace, and His love in all of those areas.

Then I received some reassurance just before I began to write this… I loaded up biblegateway.com and took a look at the verse of the day it was “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”- James 3:17-18 NIV. I have been leaning on heaven’s wisdom, wisdom that surpasses human understanding; even though at times God has caught me straying away from this. Every time I find myself anxious and wanting to dishonor God, another person, or myself, I come to the choice of leaning on Him. I choose to be meek, that is, I choose to be wisely, strongly, humble before my Lord, Savior, and God. This is the assurance we all have in Christ Jesus, the assurance that when we choose Him, the Kingdom of Heaven touches earth, and his will is done, just as it is in heaven.

Yeah, that wonderful little adjective describing ones drive or enthusiasm for the stuff of life. Well, right now I have a lot to do, but I don’t have much motivation to do it, yet it is stuff that is bugging me, things like cleaning my room, doing my laundry, cleaning my desk, making phone calls, etc. All of these things are not all that bad in and of themselves, yet, when I’ve been in 40 hours worth of meetings in the course of five days, my motivation lacks. However, these past five days have been amazing, absolutely great and I wouldn’t have made a different decision, I just wish I had done the laundry before I left for a three day retreat… I out of clothes… not fun.

I really want to get back into regular blogging, I really enjoy it, yet that motivation factor plays in. This motivation thing is not new either… With my brain constantly being injected with information, emotions, and excitement, the words just do not seem to explain it all. However, I am confident that some day it will come back, and once again the fish will be fed.

The small group that Alexis and I are involved in right now is going through a series called “Wounded by Shame healed by Grace”; it is a wonderful group “counseling” (for lack of a better term) series. Currently we are just on week two, and the main concepts discussed have been performance driven shame, and guilt verses shame. It has been quite eye opening and I just can’t wait to see what else God will reveal to me, Alexis, and our relationship together.

For myself I have noticed that much of the things I have done, and still some of the things I do to this day have been driven by performance, albeit not consciously. I remember a number of times saying “yes” to something simply because someone of “importance” asked me to do it, which must have meant that “they liked me” therefore if I do a good job on this task I will be “better” in their eyes, and in me. This is just not true, I am who I am because of what God says I am, not anyone else. Performance is really simply self-focus, it’s saying “what I do, is what makes me” it doesn’t allow for God to make me into who He wants me. This is shame because I became ashamed for not “meeting the standard”, not “pleasing the person”, or a number of other things. Shame based performance happens a lot with people, usually it comes in the form of performance love, “if you do this thing, or please me well enough you’ll get a treat (love), but if you don’t than you are punished.” This is different than actually disobeying an agreed/understood upon consequence to something. This kind of performance-love plays out in families all too often, instead of separating the behavior or task from the person, the ability to do a task or behavior reflects onto the person’s being. What a person does, and who a person is should never be equated.

That’s my little rant, and my little journey into some deeper stuff. I am not perfect, and I know that I say things that shame people, but I want to be held accountable, and for people to call me on these things.

Lord God, I pray that you continue to open my eyes to your wisdom in giving and receiving grace. Your amazing grace isn’t called amazing for no reason. It is amazing because no matter the circumstance, no matter the issue at hand, I am covered by your grace. Lord help to live in your grace and not the judgments of others, nor to be motivated by other people’s thoughts, judgments, or shame. Thank you, in Jesus’ name. AMEN.

We are having a 24-7 prayer time here in Gresham, as an Intern with the church here we help facilitate the environment and keep prayer going every hour for seven days. Eventually we want to have a “boiler” room where we will have prayer 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 365 days a year. However, this is the beginning, and it has been a great success! The Lord is doing some amazing things in people’s lives. It has been awesome to pray with some of the general public that walk in when they see the banner up outside.

As for me, this time has been a good time to focus my prayers, and renew some of the commitments I have made to the Lord these past few years. As our wedding date comes closer I realize that God has been moving in my life in very subtle, yet significant ways. I’ve realized that over the past ten months or so it has been so easy to “access” God’s presence, in a way, I no longer need to run to Him because I know that I am always with Him and he is always with me. Even during the midst of trouble, confusion, and frustration, I am able to allow His spirit to calm me down and for His wisdom and knowledge to guide me instead of my fleshly instincts and logic.

Thank you Lord, for your spirit of wisdom and knowledge, thank you for your love, and for your mercy. Father I pray for more of pure desire, to be pure in my thoughts, my actions, and in my love towards Alexis. Father protect Alexis and all the of the women at the retreat this weekend, bless them with your comfort, and your heart-desires. May they become aware of the authority you have given them, may they be blessed with your truth. May YOU be the center of their being. In Jesus’ name, I pray – Amen.

Here’s for the whole world to see some of our engagement photos! Enjoy!

Silhouettes of color that stock me
In response to what I cannot see
Images of feelings,
And feelings of images

At times I know, those times a rare
Why not then? But why now?
Images of feelings
And feelings of images

The reeling of the real
While I ask here now
These images, these feelings
Those images, those feelings

Should I reel the real
Or should I just deal?
Because the images of the feelings
Are just reeling the feelings of the images

Are these images real?
Are these feelings real?
Or am I just an image of what I feel?

Today I met with one of the pastors at our church, Jason, it was something that God prompted me to do well over a month ago during a message that he had given on a Wednesday night. I didn’t really have any clue as to why God asked me to do this, except that down in my heart something wasn’t quite right. So, I sent the email, and it was scheduled (he’s a pretty busy man). The appointment was at nine in the morning, well before I usually get up on a Friday (Thursday/Friday are my weekend), but I knew I had to, so I did. I had my journal with me, all my notes, and all my colored pens (I color code my journal… OCD… maybe) ready to go.

Well I get into his office and tell him why I setup the appointment, for some guidance, direction in ministry is what I had written, and that is what I said. However, God had some other plans, because Jason did what I asked, but not as I had actually expected. You see, not more than 10 minutes into conversation did the question of purity in my life come up, first between Alexis and I. I told him the truth, we are doing quite well in that area, the furthest we have gone is kissing, and maybe an arm up a shirt, but never past the ribs, I know it sounds impossible, but I tell you the truth. Then we got into my own purity, my thoughts, and that I haven’t gone more than two weeks without “acting out” (a.k.a. masturbation) my impure thoughts for about seven months now. Of course this was of no surprise to him, because just about every male on the planet deals with this in some fashion or another. The thing is, for some reason, it really hit me tonight while processing our conversation, that this is a key foundational stone for our marriage, and our marriage is a foundational stone for our future ministry to the Polish people.

The topic of purity also brought about my daily habits and situations, what triggers me to act out; this lead to four basic areas, stress, being in the Word, exercise, and sleep. All of which are either too high or low. The big one for me recently, especially the past seven months, has been being in the Word. So, I took the step tonight to read the Word for learning and listening, not just for the sake of “checking it off my list”. I never thought I would have that attitude, however it has happened.

So, in my reading tonight I went with something “simple” and read Proverbs 24, because it is the 24th of the month. Two verses stuck out, verse three, and verse 27, both of which deal with building a home and a business. Both of which I applied to my current situation, I must develop my business before building my home, and I must build my home on wisdom and good sense. My business right now is my ministry, which is to my fiancé, this is my business to wisely develop our marriage and minister to each other, for a lifetime of ministry to each other, and just as Christ laid down his life for the church (his bride) I will lay down my life for my bride. This is requiring a mega-shift in my thinking, a completely new paradigm and I know that God has much in store. Because of this, I have committed to God, that I will keep myself accountable, to get up early to read the word, spend quality time with Alexis, and open the lines of communication with my accountability partners. I am asking a good friend of mine to call me in the mornings and make me get up for this, because I know right now I am too weak, extreme maybe, will it work I hope so, God is good and I want His heart, and this is what is in my heart to run after His. The Lord has called me, and now He is calling me deeper, and it will not be easy, and I will need to suck it up at times, but I will persevere with Him by my side, it is His will, and His will be done.

To our supporters,

Thank you for your amazing support as we embark on our third journey to Poland and our second to U-Turn Europe. The Lord has provided over half of our funds (about $6,000 total, more than originally anticipated) for this summer’s missions trip. At this point we are still in need of $3,000. Through fundraising, our personal savings, and working as much as we can while attending school full time, we know God will bring in the rest. By the time you read this we hope to have purchased our airfare, which is almost half of our costs. The rest will be used for serving the U-Turn Europe camp and for our room and board while we are in Zakopane, Poland (The city where Travis lived and ministered for a year, and Alexis helped for six weeks).

This trip is important because it will lay the foundation for our future ministry in Poland. Not only will we be continuing important relationships with our Polish friends and other European friends, we will begin visioning and strategizing how the future will look for Alexis and I and the rest of the team that will eventually start a Christian servant-leaders training program in Krakow, Poland. We are working with a Dutch church and a young Dutchman who has a similar heart and passion for the city of Krakow and the Polish people, his name is Johan and he is currently living in Zakopane helping the church there while finishing is Masters Thesis on tourism. Together, along with others we are praying for, we will begin the next phase of our ministry in Poland.

Please do not stop praying for us, and giving in whatever areas you are capable of doing. We highly appreciate your prayers, support, and love in reaching a lost nation for the Kingdom of God.

In His service,
Travis & Alexis

PS. Our wedding is July 9th, invitations will be going out soon, however school and planning for this missions trip is where our hearts have been the past few weeks. Our honeymoon will be in Croatia on the shores of the Adriatic Sea, this of course is coming out of our own pockets and from our families, and the flight is on one ticket for simplicity and cost effectiveness.

Please donate online (Link to the right) or send checks made to Mission Dispatch to:

Travis Mielonen/Alexis Koho
C/O Mission Dispatch
654 5th Ave. S. Suite 300
Edmonds, WA 98020

A suggested donation of $50 per person or couple would raise enough funds for both of us to go on the U-Turn Europe mission trip and bless the people in Poland. The wedding date is July 9th, 2006 in Edmonds, WA. For more information please visit our wedding website @ travisandalexis.weddings.com

Travis also has on-going tuition needs. If interested he is providing web-page design at $600/website and on-site small-business/home office computer/network/technology support, all of which goes towards OCM tuition and or the missions.