Month: July 2004

Maybe I’m losing it, maybe I’m over zealous. But is not our God the most powerful one in all the universe? Is God not the commander of angels? Is God not the one who gives us strength? I want to be his arms and feet, and I want to change the world. More than just one person at a time, I want to make a difference, I want to see God’s kingdom on Earth. I want to bring His culture, his ways, and his love to all people. I know He does, but how many of his children truly try and believe? How many of his Children pray, lay down their life, and live their life in such a way that people cannot help but be drawn to the light Jesus has given them? We are his hands and feet, we have no choice but to touch and move. He called us to come, he didn’t give us the option. He paid much to high a price for us to not go.

I take responsibility to serve Jesus Christ, our God in heaven, and I lay my life down so that by the Holy Spirit of God that I may show the life that he has given me. I will use all that I have to help others, to serve others, and most of all to love others. I am rededicating myself, this is not my first nor will it be my last. I refuse to stop, the people will know us by our love for each other, and people will see that love and they will know it is from God. Unconditionally I shall love, willingly I shall serve, and with all my life I will revere the one who has given me life, both in flesh and spirit.

This time next month I’ll be preparing to leave and reenter into a life I’ve been absent from for almost a year. I am slightly anxious, a little excited, and very excited to see some of my buds again. Truthfully, I am not sure what to expect, the culture shock, the onslaught of questions, and my own expectations are sure to cause me show symptoms of post-traumatic syndrome. I’m not quite sure where I am, if I am here, or if I am there. A part of me feels as if I am just now getting roots here and another part of me is ready to take roots in Seattle. These two realities are fighting inside, but neither one wants the other to lose. The reality is that I am going home, and I will be facing many challenges.

I have some concerns that I know God will help me through, as long as I focus on what he is teaching me. Not by any measure am I some kind “super Christian” and I do not want anyone thinking that I am. A number of times I have mentioned how much I admire, in awe and amazement, the life of missionaries that have dedicated their lives to living outside their homeland. I still do not think I could be a career missionary, however, if God opened the door I at least wouldn’t be afraid of it. The strength, the patience, the learning curve, the sacrifices, of being in the field is more than anyone could ever imagine unless they experience it, even if for as short as a year.

Life is going to be incredibly different in just over a month. For the last two years I have been planning, doing, and focusing on Poland. In just over a month I wont’ have a specific focus. Sure, I’ll be continuing school, developing my relationship with Alexis, building my friendships, but my focus won’t be as clear and precise. I feel that being focused is the main motivator for life, you’ll notice that most people who are known for something, are focused on something. The most influential people, that I know, are focused. I want to be focused, in my life, my relationships, and on God with all my heart.

Because I love your people, because my heart yearns for your lives, I will not be silent. I will not stop praying for you until your people shine of the Lord’s righteousness. I pray for the Lord’s light to shine from you as a lighthouse to the nations.

I pray for your people to delight in the Lord Jesus, for your people to revere Him, and for His glory to be known across your majestic scenery. The Lord created you, your people, and the enemy has taken away your dignity. Cry out to God and return to Him and you will experience a life of joy and peace.

Therefore, no one will ever be able to destroy your people and your heritage again. If you live your lives pure and holy for the King of Kings you will enjoy and know what life there is to live.

Never again will foreign soldiers take your people, your land, and control them for their own games. If you raise the Lord as your ruler He will bless you and never forsake you. Your work will be enjoyed by your people and your labor will be wanted by foreign lands.

Oh Poland, your reputation will bring you much joy and abundance when you turn to the God of God’s and seek Him as your provider. Let the beauty of your lands be reflected in your people.

Inspired by Isaiah 62

I just had one of the most fantastic conversations since coming to Poland. If this ends up being the only conversation of its kind this entire time I’m here, than it is all worth it. Just to see someone smile and understand who God really is, and why we are here, and to know that He is the reason; makes me giddy like a little school girl. And even though just last night I was down in the dumps, he has decided to use me anyway. He’s cleaned me once again, lifted me out of the dirt, then said “come” and I went. I’m not expecting for the person I talked with tonight to change overnight, but I know that in some way this person felt a little closer to God. For me that is the most joyous thing to see. I want others to see His joy, to feel his peace, and to know that He loves them.

The world can make life so confusing, the enemy make it so unloving, and our minds make us doubt. But the Holy Spirit is strong, if we just have faith, if we just believe it will happen without needing to see the results, then it will happen and in time we can see the blessings. Take my word for it. God is here, and he’ll use you, yes you. He used me even though less than 24 hours ago I disobeyed and knowingly gave in to temptation that I know is wrong and harmful. Tonight I raise my holy hands up, and I touch Him. I lift my voice up to him, higher and higher. Lord Jesus you came and lifted me up, thank you. Why do I ever doubt!?

Drastic measures needed? I don’t know. Just like clockwork every time I tell someone I’m feeling freedom from impurity, it strikes me down. No matter how cautious I am, no matter how much I emphasize that I know I could fall at any second. While I no longer beet myself up into the largest guilt fest of the 21st century, I still get frustrated, especially when I’ve tried so hard to not try myself but let God do it. But it always comes down to me taking a little peak, or thinking a little thought, when I am by myself bored. I desire to be pure, to hold all my thoughts for what is honoring and glorifying for God alone. Yet my flesh screams and wins out, and sometimes it is conscience, I simply want that quick little satisfaction, even though I know that it will be followed by hours of torturous guilt and frustration. I know the Holy Spirit is working in me, and every little step it is a little bit easier.

I spend a lot of time doing nothing that helps my own personal walk with Christ and this is a major factor in my ability to resist temptation. This is definitely the thorn in my side. While my recovery time is getting shorter and shorter, I wonder if I am taking His grace for granite? How many more times will I have to go through this before it dies? How much longer can I endure before I simply go nuts? I think it’s back to the drawing board, back to reading my Bible everyday, back to praying from my heart, and back to seeking even when I am not motivated. How do I end up in these places? I know how amazing life is on the other side, why can’t I just stay there!

Matthew 26:39-41
He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine.” Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you stay awake and watch with me even one hour? Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!”

This is a bit out of context, I’m certainly not filled with Grief for others nor am I about to be betrayed and left to die on a cross. However, the words are my desire, and I do not want to keep on sleeping and be tempted because I know my body is weak.

Mags at Duo is talking about Love. I completely agree that Love is a “doing” word. It isn’t just a feeling, nor is it just a mystery. Love is really what makes the world go around. Jesus told us to do something which even to this day seems backwards, Love your enemies. I don’t know much about the old testament it certainly appeared that those people didn’t love their enemies. But I think in a way it was probably something like this, we love our enemies by telling them the truth. However, there are consequences to not following the truth. Faith isn’t as clean cut as we would like it to be, but the best analogy I can think of is this: If you were fishing in a river and then all of a sudden a bridge gave out, would you go up to the road and warn the drivers that the bridge ahead is out? I would hope so, and I would hope that people listened to you. However with faith many people say, well what I’ve done has always worked before so I’m going to go with what I think is true.

I don’t believe it would be loving someone if you didn’t warn them about that bridge. Just like it isn’t loving someone when we don’t tell them, in a loving and graceful way, that the sins they live with have consequences. However, we have to realize that people make choices, and if they make the choice to believe their truth, then we have to leave them alone. Jesus even told us that some people wouldn’t believe if after he performed miracles… how true this is. Love is much more than a feeling it is doing what is right even when it won’t bring you any love in return. Although as Christians we are not loved by everyone, we are commanded to love even our enemies. We can’t love the sin, but we can love the person. Right now, it is sad, but generally people do not know Christians for their love of each other, they know us for our political ties, our hate of “sinners”, and the inability for people to distinguish the person from the sin. Next time the kind of Love I have for Alexis.

I’ve posted Newsletter 8 you can find it by clicking here.