Month: December 2003

I couldn’t get to sleep, and this song was playing, read every word, and know how I always feel, every day of my life! I never want to lose this passion, NEVER!

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

Closer where I Started

Chasing after you

I’m falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I’ve held onto

I’m standing here until you make me move

I’m hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I’m lacking

Completely incomplete

I’ll take your invitation

You take all of me

I’m living for the only thing I know

I’m running and not quite sure where to go

I don’t know what I’m diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There’s nothing else to lose

Nothing left to find

There’s nothing in the world

That could change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else…

Just hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment..

Hanging by a moment…

Hanging by a moment here with you..

[Lifehouse: Hanging by a moment]

Mr. Harris says fighting lust requires rules. He has made rules for himself in regard to entertainment, because he believes that God says “you can’t love me if you are gorging yourself in pop culture and media.” And he rejects the suggestion that it is “legalistic” to make such rules.

“We’re not legalistic about not starting a fire in the living room

Driving down the mountain highway, he wears a big grin. Melodies of God’s love are filling the car. The highway twists and turns, the weather outside is crisp, a thick layer of freshly fallen snow covers the landscape. Around one bend, and another, the city bobs in and out of view as the car goes up and over the hills. With the onramp to the free way just past this traffic light, he impatiently creeps into the intersection. Red, yellow, green, go. Pulling onto the freeway the car accelerates as fast as it can, and he merges onto the Autostrada, the sign reads “Krakow international airport

Yesterday was the third visit from a very special person, this special person has not once, not twice, but three times attempted to communicate with me. He has twice walked into our apartment uninvited, and as of yesterday scared the hell out of me (I don’t like it in me anyway). Chris is never here when this guy decides to visit, so I never know what he wants or why he is coming into our place. The first time he visited, I was just about to leave when I opened the door and there he was right at the entrance, I was in a hurry and had no idea what he wanted. The second time, he actually rang the doorbell, and I opened the door and he stepped in, I tried to ask (in Polish, and English) what he wanted, I had to gently push him out the door (I was on my way out again). The third time (yesterday) the doorbell rang while I was reading a book, I finished my sentence, got up, didn’t turn any lights on when I went down the stairs. Then I opened the door to the entrance hall, and there he was in the dark, this time I yelped, and just asked him in English what he wanted, and that I could not help him, and he needed to leave and to never do this again (I doubt he understood). Each time I have ran into him his breath smells of alcohol and cigarettes, one time he motioned for cigarettes, sorry bud I can’t help you with that.

Tonight on my way home from the English school, I was stopped by two drunkards, both got a little upset that I did not speak Polish. Then a peddler who walked with me for about a block trying to speak English stopped me and showed me some kind of flyer with Mary on it, then asked for five Zloty (that’s about a dollar and a quarter) of which I did not have. Then God really convicted me as I walked through the center of town, and up the hill to our place. My attitude towards them is not necessarily mean, but it is not kind either. I started to think about this, then God put on my heart to not just “pray for them”, it was pray with them. I do not know how this is going to work; it isn’t as if they will understand me anyway. Therefore, I am now praying I will have the courage to do it next time.

“But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate them as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left. Then the King will say to those on the right, `Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ “Then these righteous ones will reply, `Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’ And the King will tell them, `I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, `Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his demons! For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me anything to drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me no clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’ “Then they will reply, `Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’ And he will answer, `I assure you, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’ And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.” [Matthew 25:31-46]

I do not want to be a goat.

’twas the week before christmas…

Go read this post from Scott. I admit I am in the same boat, my body may be “virgin” but my mind is not. Thank God for Jesus, I am a new creation, even if it does have to be done, over, and over, and over.

So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual sin, impurity, lust, and shameful desires. Don’t be greedy for the good things of this life, for that is idolatry. God’s terrible anger will come upon those who do such things. You used to do them when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old evil nature and all its wicked deeds. In its place you have clothed yourselves with a brand-new nature that is continually being renewed as you learn more and more about Christ, who created this new nature within you. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. [Colossians 3:5-11]

This is what comes right after what I have declared my “life motto” (under “about me” on the sidebar), it is the way to live, and if you read further Paul insists that it is all a matter of our heart, and in the previous chapter rules and regulations will not produce the life God wants for us. God sets us free! I do not feel bound by the fact I have friends who monitor all my internet activity, I feel even more free because all I want is to honor and glorify God in my private and public life.

Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which belongs to Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.

Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. [1 Corinthians 6:15-20]

Scott referred to this passage and I have been thinking about it (I added verses 15-18). My answer to his question ” But is that all He wants of us in treating our bodies as a temple unto Him?” is nope. I believe sexual sin is the most damaging, and the hardest to come out of, but it is not the only sin you can do against your body. Drinking, smoking, taking drugs, gluttony, tattoos, piercings, etc, all can be things to keep God from being glorified and honored with your body.

Are they sins in and of themselves? No, the motivation is the sin and the thought behind the action(s) is the sin. A drink to celebrate someone’s wedding is a completely honorable thing to do, going out and having a drink with a friend to hang out can ultimately be used to glorify God. Smoking, I do not see any real good use, but usually it is a replacement for something, or was, and now the person is simply addicted. God will fix the addiction or fill the emptiness when the person gives God the control. All of the things that cause us to dishonor and deglorify our bodies stem from other issues in our life.

Sexual lust is the sin, not the masturbation, but masturbation is the result of the sin. In all my years of living, talking with other guys (I have not talked to a girl who has struggled with this problem, but now know they are out there), the masturbation was triggered by lustful images, thoughts, etc. Once you give into the lust, you have lost, and you fall into the trap, sometimes you can jump the trap, but the sin and damage are done. I do not know anyone (including myself) who fell into this trap, without triggering it with lustful images and thoughts. Yes sometimes in the morning (and other strange times) it can be a temptation, thoughts and images always fuel more, and then it becomes sin once I/we give into the temptation.

All I know is that I am feeling a hundred times better since some very trustworthy friends are now watching the source to most of my motivation. In addition, I am keeping care of my body much better since I came here; as a result, I have more energy and am quicker at changing my thoughts before they go too far. I also believe since my body (or temple) is in better shape I can see and hear God more clearly now, a well-maintained temple has much more to offer than one which has been destroyed. I choose to honor God with all my body, mind, soul, and spirit. Thank you Scott! All honor and praise ultimately to God.

I have been reading “The Next Generation Leader” in chapter three Andy Stanley challenges the reader to create a “dream job” description. I happily took up the challenge, sat down, and started thinking. This is what I came up with :

Public high school IT specialist and teacher.

Oversees the IT throughout school (or district) * Teaches students to troubleshoot and implement the newest in information technologies and network technology * Trains student groups to administer and troubleshoot technology and communicate with school staff * Is head administrator for school IT systems * Creates curriculum to fulfill a number of different IT certifications * Uses real-life “live” situations to train and teach students troubleshooting, problem solving, and communication skills for the future * Is responsible for maintaining all network needs of staff and students * Works with teams of students and other staff to provide help desk for staff and students

I like it! I want that job.

You may be wondering; how does that have anything to with ministry? I want to work in a place with influence and a public high school has plenty of people to influence that is my main ministry. Then as for a more “traditional” ministry I see myself being some kind of pastor for the non-traditional kind of people (maybe speaking at an “alternative” service or something), for a local church where our group could disciple the students I create a relationship with, and where my ministry team can provide an environment for discipleship.

Where does Zakopane, Poland fit into all of this? I want to create a relationship with the church(s) here so in the future I could help establish a mission program for young adults and youth. Maybe even some kind of internship exchange program, where we can send young adults from Seattle to Zakopane, and visa-versa so we can create a true kingdom culture which spreads across cultures, and national borders — God’s kingdom culture does not know of such things.

God’s purpose was that we who were the first to trust in Christ should praise our glorious God. [Ephesians 1:12]

Anyone who has been visiting here for any amount of time knows that I have had a long battle with sexual purity. I know many other Christian guys younger and older but mostly my age who struggle with this all the time. Some of them would never admit it in public as I choose too, but they have admitted to me they are enslaved to it. I know I felt like a slave to sexual lusts, desires, and sin for years and years. Before I was Christian, I did not feel as guilty about it, but I had a small thought in the back of my mind which made me uncomfortable. There are actually many good resources to help us, but the best piece of advice I ever received was “turn your thoughts to someone else, some other person’s needs”, but even with that advice, I was not strong enough. So in order to strengthen myself I had to make myself accountable.

I signed up for Covenant Eyes, it is a small piece of software you install on your computer, which creates a log of all your internet activity. Then it sends the logs in a scored format, to any accountability partner(s) of your choice via email at whatever interval they choose. It does cost $75/year, but I believe this to be a fair price, it is not a simple program and if you do not have someone you can trust they will provide (an) accountability partner(s) for you . For just $75/year, you have another weapon against the evil that tempts us. As far as I can tell, it is a very hard-core piece of software, very well written, and can not be fooled (I have tried, and I am a certified IT technician, but when you disable it, or prevent it from loading, your internet connection is broken, it replaces crucial files) and in order to uninstall it you must get an uninstallation code from them, which is only good for that day. There is no slow-down in your internet access, and it works with any kind of connection. You only pay per username, so you may install it on multiple computers, but it will be under your username and sent to your accountability partners, so if you do not trust someone in your house-hold, do not let them use the internet under your name (you can also set it up so you must logon, therefore no one can use it under your name). In my opinion, it is far better than an internet filter, because those can be fooled, plus covenant eyes is written by Christians for Christians, and you can not fool a good friend.

Even with this I have fallen to sexual temptation (temptation is not the sin, giving into the temptation is the sin) a few times, but from what use to be at least once, if not two, three, or four times, has now turned into maybe once a month. It is getting better all the time, I hope to go a year, but I will only go one day at a time, and continue to always think of others when the temptation comes knocking at my door.

I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman. [Job 31:1]

What can I do to keep my spirituality, ministry, household and friendships growing and in balance? I need to create a schedule for myself, a realistic one. I want to make a difference (who doesn’t?), and I think to do that I am going to need to create a schedule with a purpose to seek out people. I only work at the English school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from five to nine in the evening, so the rest of the time I have basically devoted to reading books, and doing whatever needs to be done. This has been okay, but it enables me to procrastinate, I always work best when I have people I need to meet or do something with, so I am going to meet with people regularly.

My plan is to visit some of the people in our church at the shops and stores they work in, plan some time to hang out with some of our young adults regularly. I also want to go on some prayer walks around the city, maybe while I drop by some of the shops, you know, let them know I actually care. Things like this have always been on my heart, but other things have kept me from fulfilling them, mostly because I just have not planned it out, so it is shoved out of the way.

I will also be blocking out time to work on ministry things, such as our young adult meetings, and other times like that. There have been a few occasions where “not enough” people came to our meetings, so we shelved the topic and did something on the fly, I think I’ll pull out some of those things, and then hopefully with the contact I’ll be making we can work on those things.

I think after the New Year things are going to take off, but I do not want to put a high expectation on it, otherwise I know I will set myself up for disappointment. I know God is here, and I know I am more than ready than ever before, so let all the glory, honor, and praise be to Jesus.

It’s the principle * It’s the issue that your principal would dismiss you. * Because you don’t fit into that all – American Box. * That coffin created for creative thought. * It’s disgusting his priorities * And how we’re entrusting him with authority. * His gavel’s gone down before he looked in your * Heart. He finished this race(ism) before he reached the start. * Jesus loved the outcasts. * He loves the ones the world just loves to hate. * And as long as there’s a heaven, there’ll be a failure to excommunicate. * The world just keeps you at an arm’s length. * Every week you work up the strength to fight the flames that are hurled. * Let your faith shine right through. * You know it’s the world * Versus Jesus and you. It’s disgusting, their priorities. * And how we’re entrusting them with authority. * Their gavel’s gone down before they looked in your heart. * They finished this race(ism).

[Relient K: The Anatomy of the tongue in cheek: Failure to excommunicate]