April 2008 – No Small Talk

Verbal vs. Written communication

Sometimes the written form of communication works, especially when emotions or money are invovled. I’ve had this thing at work bugging me, but due to a lack of face on face time I haven’t been able to fully explain the situation to those that need to know. So, instead I wrote an email, I cringed as I wrote it because I usually perfer to talk to people face to face… but it just wasn’t going to happen this time.

And you know what? I actually felt really good about, I was able to explain myself, and the best part was I had time to think it out, make it clear, and make my objective points. While sometimes, and maybe in most cases, face to face is better, I do believe at times written communication work best, than a clear line of communication can be opened, and hopefully a face to face conversation will have some good solid ground to work from.

Just a thought.

To the 20 or so who read this daily…

According to my feed stats about 20 people are subscribed to this place I call my blog. So for those 20 people I have a question (and hopefully more will answer)…

We are currently in the process of creating our missionary budget, or living and ministry bugets for when we take the plunge and move to Krak

Living off faith

Sometimes I am in awe of the provision that God entrusts to our lives. I know that we could certainly do better in the area of how we manage our finances, I’m sure we could always invest a bit here, or save a bit there. In fact this month alone I identified $102 of “misc” spending. Nonetheless, I stand amazed at the fact that God has given us so much, that he’s figured the numbers ahead of time and knows that we’ll be taken care of. He’s given us the wisdom to make the right choices and the faith to know that the money isn’t ours.

It wasn’t long after I began my walk with God that I learned the idea of tithing… it wasn’t anything really spoken or asked of me, just something that over the first year I decided that if I was going to put my faith in God and “step by step” follow him, than I needed to put my money where my heart was. There have been a few months where I have neglected this conviction but for the most part I’ve been faithful to give my gross 10% to my home church right up front, than I do the bills.

About 10 months ago the Lord put on our hearts to give some offerings, above and beyond our tithe to some missionaries… well now that has grown to $90 a month. The past 4 months have been the most we’ve ever struggled financially, I have had to some very creative budgeting, prayer, and have more faith. We owed more than $500 in taxes, we have a $1000 hospital bill (due to our insurance changing 1 month before Emma’s birth, previously we had no co-pay for hospital/maternity stay, than it all changed just before hand, giving us no time to save for it), and back in January/February my hours were cut by 25%, and we’re still rebounding from that.

Yet, each pay period bills and needs are met, and God does little adjustments or shows us little ways of making things work. However, we know that this is not the end, we know that as we move forward in our plans to minister in Poland we’ll be on the edge more often, so we are thankful for this season, and we are learning more and more what it means to live off of faith, to ask for help, and prayerfully state our needs. It’s humbling and also encouraging in a very Jesus kind of way.

Getting back to me…

Yeah it’s about time I’ve had some “myoptic” time… some time to focus on myself around here, yet let the world in on one person’s inner thoughts, thoughts that most people fear to share, and that I have been fearing to share as well.

It’s the fear that people who read this may not see the full picture of what I write, they may not know that I am actully quite a graceful and balanced person, but that in the short little paragraphs of my rants I sometimes sound much harsher than I really would be in a true-life situation. The other part of me is afraid of writing about some of the deeper darker things in my life, the thigns I’ve written about “long ago” that still very much affect me today. Fear that if I am still writing about them I’ll be judged or treated differently since I’m still “struggling” all of which I know isn’t really true. The fact is that I expierence God more intamatly when I am public about my struggles, yet the enemy has me paralyzed that I’ll be either dismissed, judged, and unsupported.

But I know for a fact that if I want to expierence God’s power I must confess it before humankind and God.

So now it sounds like I’m leading up to some big confession, I’m not, I’m only confessing that I’m still broken, still need healing, and that I want to have the ability to state that here, so in some reguard this is a confession of my fears, so that it may make the way for greater and more “myoptic” but healthy writing.

Thank you LORD.

Jaded and bitter

There is so much talk “out there” on topics such as the emergent church, homosexuality in the church, drinking in the church, how to do church in today’s culture, how not to do church in today’s culture, and with all of this comes a lot of bitterness, finger pointing, religion, and legalism. I am tired of it, I’m tired of going from one blog to blog, news story to news story, reading about the things people see wrong in the church. Very seldom do I read about the good that the church is doing.

It is easy to be jaded, but much harder to take the higher road and speak the truth of Jesus gracefully and unconditionally. It’s easy to see the things we disagree with, with the Christian community, our own church, and our fellow believers. It’s much more hard for us to challenge people when we see hypocrisy, well for some it’s easy, it’s hard to do it in grace and encouragement that Jesus would have (Now leave, and sin no more, the woman at the well).

I believe we are obligated, as disciples, to encourage, with grace, the truth. The key is with grace, we seem to have forgotten what it means to give grace to people. We can not assume people will simply change their behavior, it takes graceful correction, reminding, retraining.

The key is learning to send and receive correction, grace, and to listen to what God puts in our heart for that moment, not simply regurgitate something we have been told.

Update: Ben (in many more words) describes exactly what I’m trying to say, see here…

Forward Motion

I’m going to get some forward motion, I am, I am, says I.

I have a number of things in regards to Poland to address, and I would love to get started, but I’m having trouble moving forward. Hopefully I can start things tomorrow once Alexis and I are back on our regular schedule. Polish lessons, mission trip prep, support letter (I’m so tired of asking for money), think of new ways to support ourselves, blog a bit about the tension of missions and being sent and the lack of perceived interest from people. Okay I think that’s all for now.

Lots of pictures of Emma…

Finally did a mass upload, still have more to get from our doula who was with us on Emma’s birthday. See the pictures here.

Just saying hi

Just a little mommy time.

Isn’t she just cute?

-T

Since this is my blog and my daughter… I say of course.

Recap of the Emma story

Hey so here’s the scoop on the whole laboring process.

Alexis was induced on the morning of the 8th (we had to wait due to so many others in the delivery process were in) she was suppose to be induced just after midnight, but instead it didn’t happen until 8:00.

Laboring increased pretty normally, and her water broke around 1:30. Labor continued but contractions were not increasing to more than about 1 in 5 or 6 min… not cool when you want labor to progress. So they continued to up the potosin, but contractions just weren’t doing much.

As it progressed Emma’s heart rate kept dropping during the contractions, but would go back to normal right afterwards.

Alexis was so exhausted, and the delivery wasn’t progressing very quickly, and in so much pain she requested an epidural (not what she had planned, but after that amount of time, I don’t blame her). The epidural was administered, and it failed… only her left leg became numb (they think it was due to her spinal chord not being fully straight, and the epidural at the wrong point for her). Also, contractions were not getting close enough together for pushing to be effective and all of us were very tired (this is about at hour 20).

At around 3 in the morning, Alexis began to feel the need to push, with the nurse and midwife’s instructions she did just that… for about 3 hours she did this and the baby just wasn’t progressing.

Finally, after the heart rate dropped a bit too far for their comfort the midwife called in a doctor to assess things, within minutes the room was filled with nearly 15 people, a resuscitation team, a baby care team, a mother care team, plus since it was a shift change, backups for the that.

We had 2 and a half options, 1 vacuum, 1/2 forceps to increase the birth canal and help baby out (but the Dr. didn’t like that idea for a few reasons), and the third, if the other two didn’t work, emergency C-section… no one liked that.

So w/ the Dr’s instructions on the vacuum process he told he had only three tries, and that if the third failed, we would have to go into a c-section.

Emma came out on the third pull! Praise JESUS.