No social club here

DSC_0072.JPGOne thing I have noticed about today’s culture is that so many of us go about our day seeking the next best opportunity, the next best opportunity to fulfill some kind of desire, wound, status, name your “wants”, for our selves. We are seek the highs of life, we go from one experience to the next. Seeking the experiential highs of life, afraid to make commitments just in case “something better comes along”. Even worse, we cancel our commitments when something better does come up, or we cancel because we decide, “uh, no I really won’t have fun with him/her”.

I witness this kind of mind set all to often, and you know what it is exactly the same inside the Church and outside. So it’s not a Church problem, it’s a culture problem. Sure, I believe the Church needs to address it, but it is very hard to address something for which we have bought into, and sometimes we even encourage it. We encourage it with our worship services, with our snazzy programs, etc. I thank God that I’m in a community (aka, my church) which strives very hard to not promote this, however, the pressure is on and it shows it’s nasty little head quite often.

The genesis of this posting wasn’t really the obvious disregard for other people’s needs that I see each day, it actually came when I observed my elders buying into this. When I say elders I don’t mean the “council” or “deacons” or “leaders” or “pastors” at my church, I mean the people I respect in my life who are a generation or more ahead of me. With much disgust (from my perspective) I’ve recently seen the very people I respect, love, and look up to, make decisions on their commitments in the exact same way I see much of our “pop” culture doing. With things such as “well, we didn’t feel we were needed”, and “I just wasn’t experiencing what I wanted”.

Now these are blanket statements, that need more context, and to be fair, “sound bites” and small quotes never paint the full picture. However I hope you’re getting my drift. You see, I think it bothers me more coming from my elders because I (and many more as many of my friends have stated too) desire for them to lead me. I guess it’s a sense of abandonment, a sense that, well if I don’t get what I “want” or if I don’t “feel” what I want to, then I should just go somewhere else. I want to scream and make it known, WE WANT YOU, we CARE, and we NEED you. Obviously there are two sides to this coin. I need to speak up (and my peers), and we all need to pay attention to the generations below us, no matter where we are.

You see, I don’t see the Church as a social club, it’s not optional, and it’s not something we shop around for, it’s community, it’s intentional connection, it’s seeking God, seeking God’s hand through others, and seeking to be used by God. Of course it doesn’t mean sticking around some place trying to live authentically when no one else will, and it certainly doesn’t mean staying some place where you’re being abused (in any way shape or form). What it does mean, is being intentional about meeting the needs of others, and allowing God to be bigger, humbling yourself to serve, and not seeking the experience, but instead, seeking the one who has done it all, so that we can be the light he has called us to be, in serving and proclaiming, with love and truth. Our culture is hard, and I run into the stumbling blocks all the time, I have a hard time thinking outside the culture so that I can reach the culture, it’s not easy, but I strive for it. It’s like the picture, all pretty outside, but stinky inside, yet it meets the need and provides relief.

This little thought brought to you by 1 Peter 5:1-11

1 And now, a word to you who are elders in the churches. I, too, am an elder and a witness to the sufferings of Christ. And I, too, will share in his glory when he is revealed to the whole world. As a fellow elder, I appeal to you:2 Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.3 Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.4 And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor.
5 In the same way, you younger men must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for

“God opposes the proud
but favors the humble.”s

6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisterss all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.
10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.11 All power to him forever! Amen.

A swarm of thoughts

So much of the time I shy away from writing something on here because I begin to think for people, and most of the time I think they’ll think I’m being too negative, or I think they’ll read it as “complaining”, I just want to let you know (even if you never thought those things) that my heart has never been in those places, although my mood certainly has.  I’m in a place in my life where I’m feeling good and content with where God has me, and at the same time, I’m discontent with where I spend most of my days, stuck up in an office.

The funny thing is, I really like my job, but when I start to think about the time it requires I am not too happy with it, as I would much rather be free to meet with friends, have coffee (or beer), love on people, spend time with my bride and daughter, etc.  However, I still really like the job, and I love working with the people God has placed around me.  It’s kind of a weird paradox, a love/hate kind of issue.  So, overall I am content, but there is definitely something inside me that wants more, and I’m trying very hard to hear what God has to say about that.

I know it is through discipline in Christ that I’ll find fulfillment.  Today I was reading Proverbs 12, and the first verse captured me – “To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction” – I’ve always been one to accept correction, to seek his discipline….  that is at least what people could see.  Now that God has been showing me (through marriage) how much more I need to seek his discipline, I have found myself unusually closed up, unwanting to change.

Thankfully, I think God is turning a key, opening a door, and doing new and greater things in me.  I think I’ve began to let him.  It’s hard, it burns, but it feels right.  As seek his healing in these areas I know his promises will become true, and I’ll be more free.

Voices of the past

I have been reading Don Miller’s “Blue like Jazz” for a week or so now, on my daily 1 hour commute each way.  The MAX can be quite the cultural experience, and for the most part I like it.  But combine a challenging book such as “Blue like jazz” and you might just end up frustrated.  You see, this book gets to the core of what Christianity really is, really “should” be, the spiritual piece, not the standard life-behavior rhetoric we usually hear.

But this triggers voices inside that are at odds with my origins.  First of all I’m suddenly convicted of not caring for people when I thought I did – my head does, I know what is right but if I don’t actually do it – then do I really believe it?  For example, there was a guy who got on the train at the same place as I, he was quite confused, a little slow, and kept bothering people on how to get to some place he had written on a piece of paper.  The whole time I heard God telling me to help him, possibly go with him the whole way to his destination… but the voice of fear said otherwise, and I kept reading the book – which threw me into a tornado of thoughts, and made me realize how much I fear rejection – even though I don’t let it emotionally bother me – but that’s probably because I don’t let it happen anymore.

None the less I am sure God put another person on the train – because moments later another guy got on and sat next to the confused dude, and within minutes he was describing to him in details how the Portland Transit system works, and where to get off to get to his destination (which apparently didn’t make sense, something like take the Yamhill bus to 10, and 10 to Yamhill… ummm).  Anyway – this is just a very small example of the thoughts going on from about 6am to 7am and 3:30 to 4:30 these days.

The sex fight

For a lot of Christian men there is a struggle to keep sexually pure. Now I realize that there are a lot of definitions of “purity” out there, it seem that some think masterbation is okay, and others think dressing in a sexually attractive way is okay, while some believe that not talking about any of these things is okay as well. Yes, we’ve heard this over and over, and I am still not convinced that the Church at large (the full body of Christ) has really taken this on. As I speak to more and more men I realize the need for a new Church culture that speaks Truth and Grace into the suxual purity issue.

I guess I take a hybrid, or middle of the ground, approach to these things. I believe that most of the time people don’t take a deep look into the reasons behind these struggles. We, in the Church, have taken the appraoch of “think no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”. When, from what I observe this has lead us to isolation, shame, doubt, and in many cases deep wounds that fester anger and fear, Jesus instructed us to not have even a hint of lust. Yet he forgives.

You see, I know that the enemy plays with this part of our lives because it is so destructive towards our ability to relate to God, and to others. We can easily become isolated and cut off and then allowing people to Love us, and for us to Love others becomes increasingly hard due to the shame that surrounds our heart. So I ask, what is the root of these “problems”, how do we replace these desires with healthy ones? What is a healthy desire?

I am far from the answer, only recently have I began to fully grasp the freedom of exercising true freedom in this area. My past makes it difficult, but I know that He who is in me, is stronger than he who is in the world.

Musing over the past

I have been looking at a lot of my old posts, and boy some of them are embarrassing. However, I have to realize, they are me. Now that we almost have a missions blog up, this place will become more about me, back to its roots. Sure I’ll have snippets of our missions things, but in general, I’m ready to start delving deeper into my walk, and my observations of life.

Obligation to love

This Thursday I’m speaking at our young adults group, I’m calling it “An obligation to love”.

We really don’t have a choice to love. Our God doesn’t have the choice, He gave us free will so that we would love genuinely. As a disciple in the teachings, divinity, and person of Jesus, I do not have a choice to do anything but love people. For who they are… human. Everyone sins, we all make mistakes, our flesh is weak. And still I must love, I must accept people’s faults. None of this is a free license to be walked on, beat up, and spat on. No, that would mean I wasn’t loving myself.

To love God, is to give him praise, allow him to speak into my life, and obey Him in his commandments (to love Him and people). To love people is to treat with respect, listen, have sympathy for, speak encouragement, and most of all speak a life of truth. If I notice another brother with red flags in his life (IE, spending habits, the way he talks with girls, etc) than to truly love him I must confront him out of the relationship that I have. Confront someone is not shaming them, it’s not condemning them, it’s speaking truth where it counts (as Jesus did w/ the woman at the well). If a friend is always seeking to be with people, and is feeling lonely when not with friends, than I may probe into the priority prayer in their life.

For our culture, these ideas usually prompt the response of “it’s none of your business” or “that’s personal”. Yes, I know, and because I love you I want to see you grow in that area. The key to all of this is relationship though, and speaking gracefully, the more grace, and the more relationship we have, the more our love for Him and others can be shown.

We must stop being afraid to love in truth. This is what I believe worshipping in truth and spirit is.

Encouragment needed

I’m not depressed, or even feeling down, I’m not even really that frustrated. I’m just inpatient, wanting to be somewhere else where I can’t be right now. I know the grass is not greener on the other side, and that I can be doing the same thing I feel called to do, right here in Portland.

Yet I think I have a good discontentment, yes that’s a oxymoron of sorts, and that’s okay. I just want to be more, I want to actually receive criticism, I want to better myself, I want to grow in my speaking abilities, I want to grow in my discipleship abilities, and most of all I want to just keep on growing with my ability to reach others with God’s graceful truth.

What is love?

“All you need is love”, “Love is just a game”

Well, lately God has been showing me a new side to Love. Now I bet most of you think this is about Emma… well in a way it is, but not really.

Yes Fatherhood has shown me a new side of love, and quite possibly this is where these ideas are stemming from. But as I was talking with Marcus at our devo this morning…

You see, lately as I drive around from client to client, the Lord has been showing me people’s faces, and giving me a glimpse of how he loves them. It’s like I feel in my heart the overwhelming grief, and/or pride he has for particular people. When I think of people I know who have made choices contrary to God’s values I get even more emotional and can’t do anything but pray for clarity in the person’s life.

And now there’s even more, you see, I believe true love, is a love that holds people to God’s values. A love that doesn’t just let our friends, our brothers/sisters slip away into “their own choices”, if the choice is made with loving confrontation and loving correction, and still does not honor God’s values, well then, the choice is theirs…

But way to often than not I see the opposite. I see people too afraid of rejection, too afraid of confrontation, to talk in love and grace to people about red-flags… those red-flags turn into spiritually killing decisions. If we are going to be known for the love we have for each other, we have got to allow God to work through each other, obey your convictions and your heart when God speak to it. Only blessing and honor and glory can be given to Jesus even if a person makes a decision to walk another path, at least they know the loving truth… and believe me it can be done, and God’s name is always given glory, I’ve been there, scared to death, but I’ve done it. I’ve had people still decide, but I’ve seen people make the right choice as well. The choice is yours.

Getting back to me…

Yeah it’s about time I’ve had some “myoptic” time… some time to focus on myself around here, yet let the world in on one person’s inner thoughts, thoughts that most people fear to share, and that I have been fearing to share as well.

It’s the fear that people who read this may not see the full picture of what I write, they may not know that I am actully quite a graceful and balanced person, but that in the short little paragraphs of my rants I sometimes sound much harsher than I really would be in a true-life situation. The other part of me is afraid of writing about some of the deeper darker things in my life, the thigns I’ve written about “long ago” that still very much affect me today. Fear that if I am still writing about them I’ll be judged or treated differently since I’m still “struggling” all of which I know isn’t really true. The fact is that I expierence God more intamatly when I am public about my struggles, yet the enemy has me paralyzed that I’ll be either dismissed, judged, and unsupported.

But I know for a fact that if I want to expierence God’s power I must confess it before humankind and God.

So now it sounds like I’m leading up to some big confession, I’m not, I’m only confessing that I’m still broken, still need healing, and that I want to have the ability to state that here, so in some reguard this is a confession of my fears, so that it may make the way for greater and more “myoptic” but healthy writing.

Thank you LORD.

Jaded and bitter

There is so much talk “out there” on topics such as the emergent church, homosexuality in the church, drinking in the church, how to do church in today’s culture, how not to do church in today’s culture, and with all of this comes a lot of bitterness, finger pointing, religion, and legalism. I am tired of it, I’m tired of going from one blog to blog, news story to news story, reading about the things people see wrong in the church. Very seldom do I read about the good that the church is doing.

It is easy to be jaded, but much harder to take the higher road and speak the truth of Jesus gracefully and unconditionally. It’s easy to see the things we disagree with, with the Christian community, our own church, and our fellow believers. It’s much more hard for us to challenge people when we see hypocrisy, well for some it’s easy, it’s hard to do it in grace and encouragement that Jesus would have (Now leave, and sin no more, the woman at the well).

I believe we are obligated, as disciples, to encourage, with grace, the truth. The key is with grace, we seem to have forgotten what it means to give grace to people. We can not assume people will simply change their behavior, it takes graceful correction, reminding, retraining.

The key is learning to send and receive correction, grace, and to listen to what God puts in our heart for that moment, not simply regurgitate something we have been told.

Update: Ben (in many more words) describes exactly what I’m trying to say, see here