Pure Desire

The sex fight

For a lot of Christian men there is a struggle to keep sexually pure. Now I realize that there are a lot of definitions of “purity” out there, it seem that some think masterbation is okay, and others think dressing in a sexually attractive way is okay, while some believe that not talking about any of these things is okay as well. Yes, we’ve heard this over and over, and I am still not convinced that the Church at large (the full body of Christ) has really taken this on. As I speak to more and more men I realize the need for a new Church culture that speaks Truth and Grace into the suxual purity issue.

I guess I take a hybrid, or middle of the ground, approach to these things. I believe that most of the time people don’t take a deep look into the reasons behind these struggles. We, in the Church, have taken the appraoch of “think no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”. When, from what I observe this has lead us to isolation, shame, doubt, and in many cases deep wounds that fester anger and fear, Jesus instructed us to not have even a hint of lust. Yet he forgives.

You see, I know that the enemy plays with this part of our lives because it is so destructive towards our ability to relate to God, and to others. We can easily become isolated and cut off and then allowing people to Love us, and for us to Love others becomes increasingly hard due to the shame that surrounds our heart. So I ask, what is the root of these “problems”, how do we replace these desires with healthy ones? What is a healthy desire?

I am far from the answer, only recently have I began to fully grasp the freedom of exercising true freedom in this area. My past makes it difficult, but I know that He who is in me, is stronger than he who is in the world.

What freedom and forgiveness ARE NOT

For my generation, especially those that have grown up in the church, or been in it long enough to be jaded by the humanity of it (the imperfect, hypocrites that fill the church) of which they themselves fall into, the idea of

Glow

There’s this man I know who has very strong convictions, not just “religious” ones, but ones that help people be better people. He normally thinks the best of people and most of the time he sees hope in their lives. As he encounters people he strives to bring them into deeper relationships, most of the time it’s relationships with people that go awry. Sometimes though people have either a philosophical problem, or a knowledge problem when it comes to them and God. It’s these questions that this man has a tough time with, and lately, it seems to be more difficult to address these.

You see, this man is no ordinary man, he’s a disciple, he knows the Lord Jesus, and he loves the Lord with his whole self. Yet, there is a deep dark corner of his life that breaks through all to often. He’s been incredibly open, spilling his entire life story to everyone he ever meets. He’s been honest with those he is closest with. Everyone who knows him usually describes him as a “man of faith” or “a Godly man” – yet he’s not so sure. He’s accepted God’s grace to fill these dark corners. One at a time the light has pierced the darkness and the good news has inhabited those places. But then the bugs come in, the house cleaners leave, and darkness begins to creep back in.

The man screams, he fights, he doesn’t understand why it seems impossible to keep these places in his life filled with God’s light. The voice of the world, the enemy, says life isn’t worth living if you can’t live up to Jesus’ standard. But the spirit makes it clear that live is still, and always, worth living.

This emotional roller coaster he feels is beginning to take its toll, anger, frustration is met with passionate repentance. Repentance is met with overwhelming temptation, temptation is met with the power of God. There is victory in his life, then there is defeat. Victory… defeat… victory… defeat. When does it end?

He screams to his Lord: Father! Father! Why do I feel forsaken? Where does my tempter go? Where is your strength? I “know” you, I live for you. I declare victory in your name, I speak in your authority NO MORE DEFEAT. I want your connection, I want your spirit to fill mine. Praise your name that you would use me, I am but a man, a broken vessel, simply willing to be used by you! Help me oh God, help me to know and understand within my soul the strength which is in my weakness. Change me oh God.

And with that the man sought after the glow, the dim subtle glow deep within his heart. The tiny burning flame that pierced the dark place. He fanned it, and added fuel to it. He sat by it, he listened, he wept, he felt the flames warmth. As if on a bitter cold winter night, in solitude with just his creator, the man stared into the flame and pondered these things.

This man, he is no normal man, this man is a child of God. Any child of God is not normal, he is uniquely crafted for a mission bigger them himself, and far “under qualified” in the the Accuser’s and world’s standards.

Fighting old patterns

I am so glad it is spring time right now, otherwise I think I could become seriously depressed. It seems that all my flesh desires is old patterns. The old nature just keeps creeping up, creating a tension that sneaks up and bites me in the rear, too often than not. Thankfully I figure it out quick enough that the bite is hardly noticeable after a day or two. I try think back to the “good ‘ol times” the times when I felt like I was at the top of the world, when friends were all around, and life just seemed good. But the funny thing about those times, is that I was just as tempted, and fell more often to temptation (weather it be sexual, anger, isolation, etc) than I do now. Ignorance was truly bliss, but now that I am aware, now that I have tools, experience, etc…

Now I must be disciplined, accountable, etc, now the fight begins.

Father, may I bring honor to your name, may your will be done in my life, may I forgive others as you forgive me. May I seek your daily bread, and may I find the bread you set before me. Lord, to be with you, to know you, and to love all that you do, that is my desire.

In Jesus’ name – Amen.

I don’t have the words to describe how amazing the men’s group that I go to on Saturday mornings is. It isn’t just a “guy’s talking about their problems” group, it’s a truly loving group, completely sincere in purely desiring God. Because of this group I have tools that have made me so much more aware of why I do the things I don’t want to do and why I don’t do what I do want to do. I have so much more of a life because of what God has done for me, using these men, using relationships that a mere 5 years ago I would have thought to be impossible. While I still struggle in doing things I do not want to do, I at least know that my desire to be pure and set apart is where God wants me to be. I’m beginning to get a slight glimpse of where God wants to direct me, in the mean time before Poland.