Month: February 2004

This morning after taking a shower, I looked at myself in the mirror, usually it is just a quick glance, or to brush my hair or something. However, today I looked in the mirror and said out aloud “wow, I look good”; Really, I don’t think I have ever had that response when looking at myself in the mirror before. Then I put on my shirt, did my hair, and really enjoyed how I looked. Is this vain? I would like to think of it as a confidence increase, and a very good one, especially since I have always had a low self-image. I feel a little strange telling the world this, but it came across as something new for me, and I like sharing new things with people. I am feeling so good about myself, not just physically, but emotionally and most of all spiritually. All though my heart is crying out for the people here, I seem to be personally growing leaps and bounds. This new confidence is so freeing, and it’s allowing me to have confidence in other areas as well. However I will not allow myself to become proud of it, l know the instance I become proud of this new self-assurance I will fall, and most-likely fall hard. Jesus Christ is the only reason I am the person I am today, because I have given him my life, and in return he has opened my eyes to the best life imaginable. I am good; I am truly a new creation. I am an entirely different from the who I use to be, there are no words to express how grateful I am.

Please excuse the interruption, but due to technical difficulties your regularly scheduled posting will not be seen today.

I am having some very strange problems with w.bloggar and newsgator, and it is annoying me to death. I had a good post about what I did today, but lost it when w.bloggar decided to give me the error message “Unable to parse the XML response. Parser Reason: Required white space was missing.” Could someone tell me what that means? Then there is newsgator, it’s been wonderful, but now for the last week it has not shown me any new posts from any of the 60 or so blogs I am subscribed to, also very annoying and frustrating. Computer issues are the last thing I want right now, and to think I use to do this for a living, oh my.

Update:I downloaded the new version of newsgator and everything works great now, I had to resubscribe to all my blogs, but in the process I subscribed to some more blogger ones. Thanks to all the good boys and girls who turned on their feeds for blogger, some of my friends still have not. But the w.bloggar problem is still happening, and as I understand other’s are having the same problem, so that makes me feel better.

Update 2: Amen to rick at rick & 1j13 for giving me a little tip in my comments. W.Bloggar now works again! YAY.

I’ll be picking up Carol and Denise from the airport (they went to Switzerland for a vacation) at 2:40pm tomorrow (later today). I’m just happy it’s the weekend. It’s a crazy 50F 10C outside right now! It hasn’t been that “warm” since early October, it’s darn right tropical! I have some very awesome conversations with a good friend back home, he’s currently in Bible college in Portland, and I love him, he’s an amazing encouragment.

In other news, I spent most of the day with some of the girls (we don’t have any guys except Chris and I, and Chris went to England yesterday for a conference) from the group today. It was a lot of fun, great relationship building time, God told me to bring my Bible, not sure why, I didn’t take it out, nor did we talk about spiritual things, but maybe it’s to remind me to take it everywhere. Well, be blessed.

How much do you know about me? Take a test about me! Link provided by superblessed.net.

How do you recover from sin? Especially in an area that you try so hard to keep from sinning in? For myself, I have been much better, I do not freak out as much, but the guilt is hard to get rid of. Letting go is much easer said than done. However, when I fall short it can be hard to forget about it, truly to give it to God and to forgive myself. I wish that at the moment when I am being tempted to sin I would remember these kinds of struggles, I always have terrible guilt trips after I sin, why can’t I remember that (sometimes I do and that keeps me from falling) all the time. I know I will always fall short of the glory of God, and I know I have grace and mercy. How did Paul deal with that thorn in his side? I realize now it is my sinful nature to blame, not the new nature Christ has made me, my new heart is not to blame. However, the best thing to do right now is pray, sing worship, and not let the Enemy take what is not his, and that is my light, my heart.

The law is good, then. The trouble is not with the law but with me, because I am sold into slavery, with sin as my master. I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can’t help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things. I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can’t make myself do right. I want to, but I can’t. When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. [Rom 7:14-25]

As I was driving down the highway today to hopefully pick up the ones who were not sure if they wanted to come, I broke down, no not the car, my heart. I was singing along to some worship music, I forget what song, but I could not contain the emotion screaming to be let out. I just kept thinking about the some of the young adult’s lives here; it is terrible how dark some of their lives are. This is the first time I can remember crying for a reason which was not related to myself for some reason, I was moved with compassion and love for my friends here, all I want is for them to have the same joy in Jesus as I do! I have come here in the name of Love, which only comes from God who is Love. Seriously, I am going to pray (even though I have never spoken in tounges before) for God’s Spirit to give me the ability at some moment to speak this in Polish, why not?

The LORD is kind and merciful,
slow to get angry, full of unfailing love.

The LORD is good to everyone.
He showers compassion on all his creation.
[Psalm 145:8-9]

In a few hours, our young adults group is suppose to be meeting, but from what I hear, not many are coming for some reason or another. Right now, everything seems very dark, and I know there are other forces at work here, be they human or spiritually dark. I really feel like yelling at some people, I want to tell them how much it hurts for me to see them under the darkness. Tonight we are suppose to write some letters of encouragement, and words of encouragement to adorn the walls of our living room (also the main meeting room). Personally I feel as strong as ever, God has really worked in me, and I have full trust in him. But the other young adults, I don’t know, I am at a loss of words, I love them, but I just don’t see any love in most of them (there are three who love the Lord, but really haven’t stepped forward in listening to him), they let others control them, and they only see me as a “good guy”. My heart cries out, but I just don’t know what to do. Please simply pray from your heart for them, pray I have some kind of words. The latest excuse is “religion is personal, why do you ask so many questions” this hurt me so much, its like the door was slammed.

Beyond power, beyond politics, reigns… The Presence. I just finished reading “The Presence” by T. Davis Bunn it is a great fiction. I forgot how enjoyable a fiction could be. A basic synopsis of the story: A small town lawyer receives a vision while on vacation, he is called to Washington D.C. he has no idea why or how. It is a story about standing up for what is right, listening to God’s calling, and stepping out in faith. Maybe I am just a little weird but this is the first fiction I have read in a long time (since like I was 10) that I actually became teary eyed. If you’re looking for a good fiction, especially one set in modern times, and like politics, this is a book for you. Not to mention it has a shocker of an ending!

^{Go to Part One, Two, Three}
When I finally decided that I was through with “the hunt” and wanted to focus on my relationship with God, I also decided that when or if a young lady came my way, the relationship would have a strong foundation. I had seen enough of my friends get extremely hurt mostly because their relationships had no foundation; it was just a “hunt” for sport, instead of survival. I did not want to be hurt, or hurt anyone else; I was going to seek a relationship that would survive, because it would have a foundation and purpose.

After Alexis and I admitted to each other that we had a “special” feeling towards each other, I knew I had to pray it over. This was not just a simple “ask” kind of prayer. It was a prayer of pure servant-hood, above all other things I am a servant to God, if I forget this truth, than I fail to see his blessings in my life. I submitted our feelings to him, and sought for clear guidance. The guidance came through the complete sense of peace, and the answer to the most important question, “what about Poland”. I could not help myself from smiling when I asked, because deep down I knew the answer “I don’t have a single problem with it, in fact, it attracts me to you”.

However, I needed to do one more thing; I had to seek the “sanction” of someone close to Alexis. In her case, it was her brother, a man of God, and as a brother should be, protective (in the best way). I called him as soon as I could, told him I wanted to talk to him, go out for some coffee at Starbucks. He knew something was up, I think God was already working things out. We went for Coffee, and I said “Alexis and I have admitted to seeking a deeper relationship”, he said “Alexis, my sister, Alexis?”, I said “yes, your sister”. I could tell he was surprised, but at the same time he was content. I asked for his approval to court his sister, he was very honored, and appreciated the fact I would ask him, then we went down to the beach and prayed as the sun set. I called Alexis, and told her the news, Eric was honored, and very much approved, he said “Out of all the guys we know, you are the only I can say I am proud to have dating my sister”. God is the cornerstone of our relationship, that night the foundation started, and the blessings were already taking shape.

My cheeks hurt from smiling too much.
-Alexis Koho
After nearly three hours of talking on the phone.