Category: Mobile Post

Today was "one of those days" a day where your thoughts are filled with everything except the task at hand. My thoughts were consumed by how to "make right" the stupidity I expressed to Alexis yesterday evening. Which I am reminded I can't "make it right" I can only do the right thing. So I find myself very humbled and in God's grace – again.

I have a lot to learn in this area but I think this is one of the biggest lessons. The bottom line to the conflict is my inability to manage some of the differences we have in organization, and the underlying frustration caused by it. I love her more than the problem, so why do I get so frustrated by the problem? It's hard for me to identify any "fears" or any causes other than "I don't like it".

In the end I believe I need to let God address each thing on its own – as I feel any level of frustration, as I notice things, I need to take it to him and move acccordingly – and deny my fleshly thought of "it's not fair".

Gotta love this city. We are on our way to Alexis' cousin's wedding… really late. But it's beautiful.

It seems that the only time I have to write on here, that wouldn't be taking away from something more important is when I'm on the MAX (Protlands light rail). The past months have been full of a lot of preasure, after $1200 in dental bills and someother misc unexpected costs our savings is drained, and the pay cut I took at my new job is painfull. However I would not trade this job for my old one, a place with vision and growth is amazing.
However the reality that we are always short and the idea of buying a place build up to preasure that is far beyond any financial whole I have ever been in. It's not that we are starving, but when the gas in the cars run out and I know there isn't any money to fill it, things in my head begin to freak out.

God's hand has always been on our finances, and we always live through this, but for whatever reason this season is amounting to more than I can handle. Add on top of the finances everything else we do, which are very fufilling but with our own concerns we are drained. We've begun cutting some things from our schedule, which is frustrating but good. Our budget is cut down to the last penny, so I 'spose our time will be too.

In the end I'm really feeling attacked on the financial side. We made all the "right" choices, had a very good savings, we were paying everything and saving even on the new salary. Then it seems everything hit us at once – and now our extra bills are higher then what we were putting into savings. The math doesn't work. God has shown us over and over this kind of math, and he has always made it work. This just hasn't happened in our personal finances, just on our mission trips.

And then over the weekend we got a notice from the IRS To audit our 2007 taxes. I'm afraid that because of not knowing we would receive a 1099 that year on our missions contributions we will end up paying taxes on it, even though we have all the invoices for traveling – it doesn't matter because the missions org we went through does not tell us how to use the money – they are only a clearing house for the funds and it's up to us to spend it and pay taxes on it. This is the last straw for me. I'm burnt out about the money.

Along with all of that is tons and tons of paper work. Now I know there will be comments on this, just please know that I am fully aware of what God can do. So this written because I'm simply processing it, not because I don't know what to do. I am waiting on the Lord and fighting the enemy's lies. The feelings and fight are intense though but thankfully my security is knowing God's character – and I pray that I'll be able to post how God took care of it all and show everyone his love and glory, and encourage others to trust in him!

The following has been written on the go from my phone, please excuse typos, spelling, and grammar.

So I have been thinking a lot lately about what “outreach” or “evangelism” looks like, mostly what it looks like here in my current world (the Poland stuff is eventually on it’s way, but we’re forced to lean on God for that). Here we (believers from here) are able to move around fairly well without leaning on God for much. Our basic needs are easily met, and most of all we “fit” and understand what’s going on around us.

So with that said, how do we be relavent, “seeker sensitive”, and Jesus focused? Firstly I don’t think we need to be sensitive to “seekers” as long as we are being and doing what Jesus highlighted – grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. A seeker is going to be attracted to that, that’s what draws most people to Jesus. I believe we can utilize media, web, etc but we should not be attempting to mimic the secular media just because it “works” for them. I seriously grieve at things like “god tube” and facebook style sites for “christians”, the heart is good, but the segregation is what will kill the church. Jesus didn’t tell the disciples to huddle and segregate, nope, he said go, into the world and make disciples.

And then we have the other side of the spectrum, the ultra sensitive. The ones that sometimes are almost no different looking in their life then anyone else, except for maybe a tatoo or a few less beers when with their peeps. This side does a better job at relating with all people, and accepting people too. Yet, in my observance the desire to be approved and accepted by all, often leads to violations of the truth and when hard times come, the power of God lacks in being the driving force behind decisions.

There ought to be a happy medium, or should there? I myself am beginning to lean on a amazing concept – leaning on God’s spirit in me to drive my relationships, decisions, and not ideals of some evangelistic “style”. I’m in my infancy, and still struggle with whether or not I’ll be accepted or rejected… which isn’t mine nor yours to fear, but it’s freeing. God actually knows what he’s doing… imagine that.

So what are you going to lean on? Your own understanding? Or his? It’s scary – but he is so graceful!

So I'm running late today, been more tired than normal, but we've been going to bed at decent times….

But I woke up after a very odd dream. I dreampt that I was (I think) driving from our house to a MAX station (light rail in Portland) that I don't normally use, even though it's closer – it doesn't have any parking. So in the dream I was going down the hill to this station, and I had someone with me who I don't know and didn't see their face. But this person said "oh, don't worry about catching that one" referring to the train we could see just in the distance. They proceeded to say "there is a type 4 right behind it, and in service not just testing!"… So this is the weird thing, "Type 4" is the new kind of MAX trains here in Portland, and so far they have only been testing them.

So we pulled up to the Ruby Junction station, and magically I was on the train – the person with me was gone, and I guess took my car too. I tried to find a seat but all the seats were taken, and no one was talking nor was there anyone else standing, and I felt that there was some unspoken rule that I couldn't stand either. I went to the front of the "train" and found a seat just behind the driver – which was like a bus configuration not a train.

I sat down only to realize the seat had very little space and I my knees were crammed up against the cusioned wall that separated the driver's area and the front-right seat. The "train" started to move and at first was on tracks – it stopped at the next stop, which was not E 181st, as normally the blue line is, it was some place else. Two ladies got on – but they boarded upfront just like on a bus. They stood in the stairway and started taling to the driver in broken english, then the driver started talking to them in Polish!

I was then able to reach under my seat and adjust it, and slide it back so I fit right, somehow this didn't bother the people behind me. As I listened to the driver and ladies I was able to follow the conversation just enough to realize they were looking for a dog. The dog was somewhere SE of whereever we were.

Then I looked out the front of the window and thought to myself "I don't think were're in Portland anymore". Because when I looked out I saw that we were on what looked like a rural Polish highway. And the driver was driving like it. We went around a bend to the right — and I woke up.

Any dream interpreters?

Living life with intentionality, from my observations, seems to be something that our culture doesn’t observe. Many people want to live from one thing to another, allowing anything that comes up and is “more fun”, “a better opportunity”, or simply “feels better” to trump their commitments. I totally understand that things come up in life that are more important then our standing commitments… but a pattern of ever changing plans sends up red flags for me.

I know very few people that have true standing priorities that they have scheduled and actually protect from being trumped over. Maybe this is simply my generation, but I seem to notice it across generations.

Along these lines are the people in church who participate in the big events, or help out in the more “up front” places yet always have something else when they are not involved. There seems to be an entire group of people who are not intentional about their time, relationships, or their spoken “commitments”.

I bring these things up because in my “humanness” I get tired of “always” being the person who is “there” no matter what. I hear other people say “oh yes I’m committed” but then they seem to always the next best opportunity for things in life that are more fulfilling for them. It’s this scenario that drains people. I believe that God will let things die for a purpose (thankfully nothing is dying in this case), and those things are usually obvious.

So, in the end I know that I’m in the right place, I need to be more intentional about speaking my expectations – and at the same time I think we need to look at being more intent about who we are as a Church. The sad thing is I see people at work that are more intentional and committed to the company than many people are to the church.

Now I think some people may read this as judgment but that is the furthest from the truth. My heart is for the health of our Church (the whole church, not just the little piece I’m involved with – read: my “local” church) and the health of my brothers and sisters. We need to be motivated to serve others and not just what “I” feel like.

Just some thoughts from the ride home.

It seems that we can easily get stuck into daily patterns leaving us feeling stuck. Lately I've been trying to think of things that are cheap or free and that don't require a lot planning. As long as the weather cooperates I think it can be done.

Portland actually has a huge number of parks and big ones too. I think it's time to finally enjoy some of them, with the family and with friends. There's also some great places for hiking that are close, and don't take much time to do…. Some thoughts.

Just get me out of the same grind and out of the house. But gotta find things to do indoors as well, maybe I'll figure that out on the way home. Yes – I went into work late today.

I'm speaking on the second part of a three week series at The Forge – our young adults group. The series is about identifying ourselves as children of God and what that really means. In studying I found three pieces of what a child of God can depend on – you are saved, you are loved, and you are annointed.

Last week was about what being "saved" is all about, not just the initial event but the continual gifts of grace that we encounter every day.

This coming week we'll be focusing on love, and what it means to be loved by the creator, the one who was, is, and is to come. The unconditional love that we can depend on, and why.

The last part is on the annointing, how God equips us for doing things that are supernatural. How he desires us to walk in confident faith, and how our free will ties into all of it.

Personally this all comes out of what God is showing me more and more. That as long as I obey him, put my faith in him, he does amazing, unthinkable things through me and I know the same can be true for anyone – that is my heart – to share this truth with every believer.

Any conflict, problem, recession, relational issue can be miraculously changed to reflect his glory. It may hurt a bit, it may look very bad from the beginning, and yet enduring to the end always brings blessing and peace.