Faith – Page 3 – No Small Talk

How to stay steady…

HA! I have no idea. Everyday is a new day, and each day brings its ups and downs. But, I choose to remain dependent on God and inter-dependent on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I choose to allow my bride to love me, nurture me, and be my helper, and I choose to be vulnerable with her through my ups and downs, and her ups and downs.

For when I fail any of the above, the downs are never padded and feel like I’ve fallen hard onto concrete and ups take me way out into an orbit beyond Pluto. Neither of which is very healthy.

So I’ll stand and remain balanced holding onto what God has shown me, told me, and provided. I’m here to serve, love, and be loved.

and oh yeah, keep it sweetly simple (new version of KISS).

The next step

The moment I gave my life to the Lord was right in the middle of a worship song, and the words were “And step by step you’ll lead me, and I will learn to walk in your ways” a song that had been written (at that time) ten years earlier.

I am so thankful that I am still taking each step, learning to walk in His ways. Although I have a bit of a job crisis, and the financial future is unsure, each day brings a blessing of provision, not just in our personal lives but also in our calling. The trip to Poland is almost fundraised, about another $1,000 and we’ll be on budget. Praise Jesus.

The words of Jesus say it all “Do not worry about tomorrow, for today brings enough worries of its own”.

Amen.

The ups and downs

Ever since New Years Day I have been struggling with a case of the “ups and downs”. I go from feeling discouraged and unmotivated to amazing God-praising spouts of joy. So what’s the root of all this? It’s a number of things, thoguh I think the catalyst was finding out at a company meeting that we would all be getting a 25% pay cut for the next 60 days in order to save our bottom line.

That put me into a world wind of emotions, from fear (of the unknown financial impact) to anger (caused by the fear) towards the management for not being more forward looking. I am thankful that they want to keep our team and not let anyone go, but if after 60 days things don’t look up, they better let go of some folks, or else I’ll be forced to look for a new job, and that is stressful when thinking about having a baby and the insurance ramifications.

I know the next few months won’t be easy, many of the little things we like to do (Starbucks, Grabbing a bite with friends, etc) will need to be cut. However, even with the cuts my projected budget shows a shortfall of just over $1,000 a month… that spells doom and gloom towards my “be the provider” mentality.

However, I have found a new spark in all my worship, a new meaning for “surrender”, and a new love for the song “Blessed be your name” by Matt Redmond.

My internal conflictions

A quick list of things that I’m struggling to grasp right now in my life and walk with Jesus.

Raising funds without sounding like a broken record/beggar (see previous post, didn’t the apostles help the beggars though , but they didn’t enable them to continue in poverty, right?)
Dicipling a generation and/or individual people that are not open to confrontation, either they are afraid to confront others about moral issues, or they don’t allow others to confront themselves. The big defense: DON’T JUDGE ME! Where did this reaction start? Where did loving someone into a closer relationship turn into condemnation?
How to love people through differences. I’m a person that loves to disciple people, hates to offend, yet I am a disciple of Jesus, which Jesus naturally offends people. Sometimes I am so passionate about discipling on things like, the importance of living above reproach, all are called to ministry (we all have gifts for the kingdom), the blessing of living and walking in moral authority, that all I want to do is either ring people’s necks who blatantly live lives contrary to this, or I just get depressed and grieve over the state of people I love.
A regular, near daily, prayer-life. A prayer life that focuses on God, and his relationship to me and others, not just a selfish, me-centered prayer life, but one that is about moving forward and listening (such as listening about these four areas).
Added 10:05 – The conflict of our needs, and other’s resources. This is a completely jealous conflict ion, but one none the less that I struggle with. Alexis and I pour a lot of our resources into our calling, our time, our money, and our relationships, it’s all about our calling for discipleship. All around us though we see people spending their time and money on their own desires, cars, houses, that in our opinion (and judgmentally) are well beyond what they need. Why does a single 24 year old need a new Mercedes? Why does a single 25 year old spend over $600 a month in entertainment? Just some thoughts.

So those are the four, now five big things in my life that I feel stuck on right now. I don’t expect to just “get it” one day, I expect though to process through these things, some of them probably for the rest of my life (2 and 3). But I do expect for me to take responsibility in these areas, to do the hard things and ask, to address people on things when I feel conflict yet all in Grace and with the basis that no matter the outcome my care for them won’t change – that my friends is how Jesus lived.

Updated 10:00 am. – Each of these things I think is related to surrender, we/I need to surrender and allow God and his church to do it’s work, unhindered. We have to live as examples, so if we do something that isn’t above reproach – that is against the path that Jesus has called us to live – we must surrender it. It’s not easy, it’s a self-less act that says I will follow my Lord, even though my desire is something different. Sometimes even our God-given desires are not the right path, for the time. I know this, I’ve lived it, I’m living it right now. So instead of crying about it, I’m living my life on the path, and it’s full of blessings! A CHILD! A BABY GIRL. That wouldn’t be such a blessing if I/we had gone on our own whim on our own path.

So it takes money… and some honey.

I have been struggling with the idea of fundraising for a long time now. One part of me would like to do some tent making after we move to Poland, or find some way of supporting our selves, the other part really does not want to take time away from ministry.

So I struggle with asking for funds because I am an independent person, I struggle with not asking because my heart wants to be available for full-time ministry. The truth is that we must find a balance between being funded from outside and doing tent-making. Full-time missions and ministry will certainly become much harder in the years ahead, and I’m sure that if we are anywhere near the end-times it won’t even be possible.

I’m glad that I have skills that can be used all around the world, who knows, maybe my company will expand to Europe, maybe it won’t, but maybe I can become the remote admin or something. There’s a lot of things I could do.

Thinking back though I should also hold onto a promise we heard God tell us a few years ago, that we would be sent, with full financial and authoritative support from our church body. Right now though, that’s just a glimmer, we haven’t started any formal process, except leading small teams on short trips. What does full financial support look like? I guess that is the real question. Is it a job? Is it committed donors?

We don’t want to be independent, we want to be inter-dependent on God and his body, and the gifts he’s given us. So the honey? It’s the sweet reasurance of God’s provision and hand in the unknown. With the knowledge and faith of all that he has given and continues to provide.

Another year

Well it’s New Year’s eve here, it’s a little after 5:00pm Pacific Stand Time right now. 2007 was full of all kinds of events and news that changes the course of many people’s lives. Alexis and I concieved Emma who will be born in just over three months, we’ve been to France, Poland, and Germany, yet again with another trip to Poland not to far away, we got an additional car… I say all of this because they are all things which took faith in our finances…

None of these events were overly planned, we didn’t put away for any of these specifically, nor did we consult our investors, we made a conscience desicision to give some things to God that we knew were either practical needs or ministry desires, and in Emma’s case, a heart desire. On paper and ledgers, we didn’t have the resources to make any of it happen.

We have and will always put our faith in God to provide for us, he always has, and always will. Sure it gets scary, sure we’ve used our “own” resources at times when we thought others would donate, but in the end it’s always Him who gets the glory. It’s all about Him.

While I would love the comfort of knowing that our financial resources were something that we didn’t have to monitor, I know at the same time we would be so distracted by our own desires that leaving for our calling would be much more hard, if even possible to fufill.

Happy New Year, may you build your faith in Him and expierence the joy of serving in His kingdom this year – even when your resources are low, or negative (such as ours have been many times).

Something about consistency

5 Years ago I was fairly flaky about things… the only constant was being with friends
4 Years ago I began getting serious about tithing
3 Years ago I began getting serious about offerings
2 Years ago I began creating boundaries for my day
1 Year ago I got serious about making priorities a reality

Out of all of this, I have always had what I needed, always made it through the hard times, always had wise council through confusion and have always been able to see through the fog.

Becoming consistent in life with my words, thoughts, and actions and making my yes be yes, and my no be no, has brought nothing but peace and love into my life. I never waver on the things I listed above, and the less I waver about life the less messy life is.

Mornings

Well I am going to finally decalre an official miracle has happened in my life. The super-natural event doesn’t come with much fanfare, except that in my own life it’s been amazing.

I’ve been reading, learning, and journaling from my Bible every weekday morning for over a month now! This is the longest and most consistent I’ve ever been.

A little over a month ago a buddy of mine who just recently went through a divorce asked me to join him for his morning coffee time at a Starbucks near by… at first my flesh freaked out 6:30 in the morning! No way.

But then I was convincted, because here I am saying no to two things. 1. My need and desire to be in the Word of God more often. and 2. A time to fellowship, encourage, and be encouraged by a fellow brother on a regular basis.

So I said yes.

Thankfully it was the day that the clocks changed, so it felt to my body like it was 7:30 instead of 6:30… 😛 Good time to start… but that whole spring forward thing will suck 😛

What is faith?

In my observation of the 20 something group of people here in America there seems to be a slight lack, or at least an apathy towards faith. We speak it, we talk about it, we sometimes do things by faith. But do we live by it? Do we truly say “I know God has this for me so will live towards that promise”? Most of the time I hear “I don’t really know what God wants” or “God promised me this, but first I ned to… (fill in the blank, job, house, family, etc)”, I am just as guilty as the next.

I want to live by faith, I want to make it a point that everything I do is about what God has promised me. In my case, God has called my family to Poland, to disciple, train up, and equip. So, what are we doing while we wait for the departure day? We’re leading a small group, encouarging, discipling, training and equipping. We’re co-leading our young adult’s group doing the same. Therefore everything we do and say is exactly what we’ll be doing in Poland.

How do we know when we’ll be leaving? When the people we have submitted ourselves to, the ones that help equip and disciple us, release us and commission us and ordain us. There’s a process, don’t quote me on this, but I believe it took Paul 7 years before he went on his first trip. While Alexis and I have been to Poland for a combined total of nearly 16 months of “in country time” we know that for us to move there we have things here in our “Jurusalem” to take care of and God will provide. We know it, and we strive to live it.

Glow

There’s this man I know who has very strong convictions, not just “religious” ones, but ones that help people be better people. He normally thinks the best of people and most of the time he sees hope in their lives. As he encounters people he strives to bring them into deeper relationships, most of the time it’s relationships with people that go awry. Sometimes though people have either a philosophical problem, or a knowledge problem when it comes to them and God. It’s these questions that this man has a tough time with, and lately, it seems to be more difficult to address these.

You see, this man is no ordinary man, he’s a disciple, he knows the Lord Jesus, and he loves the Lord with his whole self. Yet, there is a deep dark corner of his life that breaks through all to often. He’s been incredibly open, spilling his entire life story to everyone he ever meets. He’s been honest with those he is closest with. Everyone who knows him usually describes him as a “man of faith” or “a Godly man” – yet he’s not so sure. He’s accepted God’s grace to fill these dark corners. One at a time the light has pierced the darkness and the good news has inhabited those places. But then the bugs come in, the house cleaners leave, and darkness begins to creep back in.

The man screams, he fights, he doesn’t understand why it seems impossible to keep these places in his life filled with God’s light. The voice of the world, the enemy, says life isn’t worth living if you can’t live up to Jesus’ standard. But the spirit makes it clear that live is still, and always, worth living.

This emotional roller coaster he feels is beginning to take its toll, anger, frustration is met with passionate repentance. Repentance is met with overwhelming temptation, temptation is met with the power of God. There is victory in his life, then there is defeat. Victory… defeat… victory… defeat. When does it end?

He screams to his Lord: Father! Father! Why do I feel forsaken? Where does my tempter go? Where is your strength? I “know” you, I live for you. I declare victory in your name, I speak in your authority NO MORE DEFEAT. I want your connection, I want your spirit to fill mine. Praise your name that you would use me, I am but a man, a broken vessel, simply willing to be used by you! Help me oh God, help me to know and understand within my soul the strength which is in my weakness. Change me oh God.

And with that the man sought after the glow, the dim subtle glow deep within his heart. The tiny burning flame that pierced the dark place. He fanned it, and added fuel to it. He sat by it, he listened, he wept, he felt the flames warmth. As if on a bitter cold winter night, in solitude with just his creator, the man stared into the flame and pondered these things.

This man, he is no normal man, this man is a child of God. Any child of God is not normal, he is uniquely crafted for a mission bigger them himself, and far “under qualified” in the the Accuser’s and world’s standards.